mll3261 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 To start off, this is a long story so I apologize in advance. Me and my ex-girlfriend started dating the last semester of our senior year of high school. We went to different schools (she lived about 40 mins away) but had actually talked our freshman year because of a mutual friend. She contacted me out of the blue and I guess we just hit it off. The first 3 months I was rather shy but I finally opened up and we had 3 amazing years together. We had the same taste in music, TV, movies, and sports. But more importantly we lined up perfectly on all of our viewpoints. We were both sarcastic and knew exactly what the other person was thinking and we could make each other laugh over nothing. We had such a unique style of hanging out and we'd get excited for just walking around Target looking for Christmas clearance (among other stores) and we'd stand outside Yankee candle every August waiting for Halloween decorations to be put out. We truly had a unique taste in everything and we were never happier. From most relationships I saw, the guy wanted to get away for a bit and hang with his guys, but I didn't ever feel that need. We wanted to be together so bad that we couldn't wait to get married. Since we could hardly wait til college was over to be together, I worked my butt off in school, finishing my degree in 3 years while working at Target. I finally thought we were at the point we both dreamed about. But then the issue came in my last semester of college. The guy she dated before me left her with nothing. no friends no life. Therefore when we started dating I was her only source of happiness and she depended on me. But during my last semester I was extremely busy with school and working at Target that I wasn't around or available for her as much and she started to push me away. I was so hurt because I worked my butt off so we could have a good life but she didn't see it that way and we ended up breaking up after 3.5 years. After talking for about two months we ended up trying again and we got back together. This time, she was finishing her degree and although she didn't mean to, she treated me like I didn't exist during our time together. She'd blow me off to stay around and student teach for 7 in the morning to staying and helping teachers til 7 at night (when she could have left at 3:30). She said she didn't intend to hurt me, but she might subconsciously be trying be vengeful and put me through what I did to her. So after feeling pressure to be back to exactly where we were before the first break up, we slowly moved backwards and ended up breaking up after 4 months. This time we tried no contact, but she contacted me after 2 weeks and I caved and she told me how much of a bad day she had (and since she has no friends I'm the only when she could've talked to). Since I made her feel so happy, we started talking again a few days later and then met for lunch. We then had a big talk about everything and I finally felt all the hostility we had was gone and it seemed fun and exciting again. We continued to talk for two weeks and it seemed for sure that we were gonna get back together but we were just making sure that we weren't rushing into it. Well after that two weeks she started feeling pressure and felt like I was preventing her from making friends so we took a step back and continued talking and waiting to date again. Well after some time of her over thinking everything and having doubts we decided to stop talking. We are having no contact and she wanted to get her life figured out and be able to pick up hobbies and make friends. She thinks that if its meant to be then we will come back together, but for now she needs time to make a life for herself. Everything she said I agreed with and it seemed like she just wanted space and time for the pressures to go away. So after a week of no contact, I find out she has signed up for match.com...and I was devastated. I sent her a text trying to figure out what was going on and she said that she's only on it to meet people to talk to. She said that she knows it's pathetic that she has to pay for that, but she has had no luck at meeting any other friends. Part of me wants to believe she joined just for friends because she is naive enough to think that guys are on there willing to look for friends. Part of me thinks she does mean for friends but after a while of talking to a guy friend she might start dating them. And then the other part thinks she may just be saying that to not hurt my feelings. She says she's just looking for conversation and interaction and I said that you'd only be finding single guys as friends. She told me that it doesn't matter what the guys want, it's what she wants and she can say no and can't really look for girls on there. So during our talk she also says she needs this time to meet other people and build a life and that she's not looking for love. She also says she hopes we do get back together but she can't make any promises because she doesn't want me to hate her if it doesn't happen. But then other times she says that she's not completely against the idea of getting back together...which seems a little less optimistic and that's what is confusing. She also says she's worried about the same for me that I'll find someone during our time apart and we will never have a chance again. She also said that if she continues to not be able to stop thinking about me then shell no I'm the one but I think that could go away if she starts dating all these random guys. So at this point I know I should just try and move on and if she comes back after realizing these guys can't give her the same thing then we go from there. But it's too hard for me to just completely let go and everyday sit here and know that she's chatting it up with these random guys and may or may not ever come back. The other part of me wants to hold onto that hope because I do think she just wants a life of her own before she can give me a fair chance, I'm just worried she'll meet someone else as a friend and it will grow into something more. While holding onto the hope makes me feel better now, I know I will be hurt again if I don't get a chance again. I'm so completely lost right now and I can't eat, or sleep, or focus on anything. I can sometimes convince myself to just move on and that I'd like to see her try to find someone better, but then I think about it all and I just break down. My friends and family think I need to move on and that you worked so hard for her and went through so much to make her happy that if she can't see that then someone else deserves me. And sometimes I think that but then I worry I won't find someone that likes all those goofy things that I do. And I'm in a career with hardly any women, and I'm not outgoing.
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Sounds like you both were codependent on one another. She got her taste of freedom and wanted to explore it more, and that meant moving on from the relationship. The "I hope one day to get back together" and worry that you'll find someone in your time apart is her showing she wants you as an option if things don't work out the way she hopes when seeing other people. Best thing you can do for yourself right now would be to cut contact, work on your own happiness, and start to move on. No need to wait around and be someone's "just in case".
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Dude, let her go and move on. She's trying to string you along and keep you in limbo clinging to false hope, while she goes out and explores life, date and sleep with other guys all the while having you waiting on the sidelines. You need to live your life as if she's not coming back, because chances are she's not.
daftpunk Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Holding on is almost as painful as letting go. Take that how you will. 1
Chi townD Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Hey Daftpunk, I like that quote! Might have to steal it from you!
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