Jump to content

A Little Suprise

youngnlove89

By youngnlove89
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Don't knock yourself.

You're a lot stronger than you think....

 

"The man who doesn't think much of himself

Is greater than he believes himself to be."

(Author unknown)

 

I have masses of respect for you, truly.

  • Like 1
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

As I stated earlier in this thread. Seek the advice of someone you trust on this. You cannot see this clearly. You are too close and too emotionally attached. You need the clear, sound, views of someone not 'in' this like you are. Don't trust your first, gut feeling, because it will probably be wrong!!!

  • Like 1
  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted

So with all that being said, what are you telling me I need to do?

 

I have remained NC, I have blurted my true feelings on here and I'm being proactive with my life.

 

What is left?

 

My ex didn't contact me anymore. I'm not going to contact him.

 

But why am I still sad?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Because you're in mourning.

 

Imagine having had a spaniel doggie.

 

It died six months ago.

You mourned the loss, you buried it, said your goodbyes, shed your tears, and moved on.

 

Now, you open a drawer, and find his collar.... or you drop a photo of him you had as a bookmark.... or you watch a home movie of a barbecue you had with the family, and you see him running around....

 

You get that pang.

That little stab of sadness.

That slight yearning for that honey little guy....

 

It's ok to feel sad, you know.

And normal, and natural, and frankly, we might all just be a little more than surprised if you weren't 'still sad'.....

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
So with all that being said, what are you telling me I need to do?

 

If it comes down to it, and he still insists on 'being around', then a restraining order might be necessary.

 

I have remained NC, I have blurted my true feelings on here and I'm being proactive with my life.

 

Excellent work!! Keep it up!! Move only forward, Don't cave!!! You can do it!!!

 

What is left?

 

Time, NC and living your new life free and clear of sir douche. As I said, you live in a great area for exploring new things and meeting new people. Do it.

 

 

My ex didn't contact me anymore.

 

As many have stated. This isn't over yet. See answer #1 above...

 

But why am I still sad?

 

Because a BU is hard and hurts. But you will be OK if you keep moving forward

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
. I read books (power of now)

.

 

Ha!!! I sent her the MP3 of the audio book. Yes. a very powerful spiritual guide.

  • Like 1
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted

I vote for just staying NC and rebounding with a ton of guys!!!! Could help? You never know. lol :). Cav

  • Like 4
  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted

haha. Funny thing is, guys must sense this. I had about 10 guys tell me they would take me on a date and they want to get to know me better. It was sweet and it gave me an ego boost, but I'm not ready for any of that. Not even sex.

 

For me, when I have sex with someone else when I'm still in love with him, it makes it worse. I wish I could have good sex, I'm sexually frustrated right now, but I can't. :mad: It will just make me miss him more! We had great sex.

 

Now talking about it has made me sad. I'm just having a rough day. I miss having sex with my ex. I miss the intimacy. It hurts to know he could be having sex with someone else. :sick:

 

:( I just want this all to go away. Now.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm not ready for any of that. Not even sex.

 

For me, when I have sex with someone else when I'm still in love with him, it makes it worse.

 

This is clear, wise and mature thinking. I'm proud of you!! :D I think the boys are joking above, but my stance has always been work on yourself before getting into more confusing and complex situations which will just add to your suffering and pain.

 

I just started dating again and I am over 4.5 months NC. I could NOT have done it with any success or enjoyment before this... You'll know when you're ready. It's not a race. Now is the time to fall in love with yourself!!! There will plenty of time for others later.

Edited by mtnbiker3000
  • Like 1
  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This is clear, wise and mature thinking. I'm proud of you!! :D I think the boys are joking above, but my stance has always been work on yourself before getting into more confusing and complex situations which will just add to your suffering and pain.

 

I just started dating again and I am over 4.5 months NC. I could NOT have done it with any success or enjoyment before this... You'll know when you're ready. It's not a race. Now is the time to fall in love with yourself!!! There will plenty of time for others later.

 

 

Oh, I'll be falling in love with myself tonight. wink wink. hubba hubba. :bunny:

  • Like 2
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
Oh, I'll be falling in love with myself tonight. wink wink. hubba hubba. :bunny:

 

Yes, self pleasure is widely accepted and often used coping mechanism. At least by me :D

 

But you do know what I mean, right??

  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yes, self pleasure is widely accepted and often used coping mechanism. At least by me :D

 

But you do know what I mean, right??

 

Yea, my bob (battery operated boyfriend) and I are going to get create such a magnifying love for each other.

 

Nah, I'm just kidding, I know what you mean. I love myself. I just haven't accepted the facts of the breakup yet.

 

Man, now I'm really horny. This is not good.

 

I got invited to go out this weekend and bar hop with one of my co-workers. She is my age and really nice. Maybe I can flirt this steam off?

  • Like 2
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
Yea, my bob (battery operated boyfriend) and I are going to get create such a magnifying love for each other.

 

Nah, I'm just kidding, I know what you mean. I love myself. I just haven't accepted the facts of the breakup yet.

 

Man, now I'm really horny. This is not good.

 

I got invited to go out this weekend and bar hop with one of my co-workers. She is my age and really nice. Maybe I can flirt this steam off?

 

Ha!! I've got a girlfriend at the end of each wrist. No batteries required :D

  • Like 2
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted
Yea, my bob (battery operated boyfriend) and I are going to get create such a magnifying love for each other.

 

Nah, I'm just kidding, I know what you mean. I love myself. I just haven't accepted the facts of the breakup yet.

 

Man, now I'm really horny. This is not good.

 

I got invited to go out this weekend and bar hop with one of my co-workers. She is my age and really nice. Maybe I can flirt this steam off?

 

Ha you should definitly go out. I did this a lot post BU. It is something to distract you and it is very important to be social.

 

That being said i remeber crying often after coming back from a bar and after a few drinks. Even if i had just flirted a ton and gotton big ego boosts from the opposite sex. It was still worth it and was part of the recovery process. Cav

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

^^^ Just have realistic (or no) expectations and keep it light and casual :)

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Yea. I never expected him to get in my car like that. I kind of feel violated because sometimes I have stuff in my car that I don't want people to see. I used to keep my notebook of feelings in there to take to my Psychologist and for some reason yesterday I took it out. I'm glad I did.

 

I don't understand his logic either. Maybe he gave it to me because he didn't know what to do with a pink camera case, but to wrap it up? Or maybe he wanted to pull me back in, see if I am still there? If a guy doesn't care, he wouldn't have driven all the way to my apartment, break into my car and put a present in there. It's odd.

 

Stop messing with my heart!

 

He does care.

 

............ he just can't give you what you need.

  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted
He does care.

 

............ he just can't give you what you need.

 

I think that is what hurts the most :(

 

I'm trying so hard you guys, how come I feel like it's hopeless?

 

I just got back from lunch with co-workers and it was fun, but my mind was on him the whole time. It just puts me in a downer. I try to stop thinking about him, laugh, even if I have to fake it, but it doesn't help.

 

I miss him so much.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
I think that is what hurts the most :(

 

I'm trying so hard you guys, how come I feel like it's hopeless?

 

I just got back from lunch with co-workers and it was fun, but my mind was on him the whole time. It just puts me in a downer. I try to stop thinking about him, laugh, even if I have to fake it, but it doesn't help.

 

I miss him so much.

 

It will take time. There is no way around this fact. But if you give it time and stay NC, you will feel better. Just have to power through it. You are strong enough for this. You can do it...

  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It will take time. There is no way around this fact. But if you give it time and stay NC, you will feel better. Just have to power through it. You are strong enough for this. You can do it...

 

 

It really just hit me hard! And I'm at work now so I can't just crawl under the covers. I just got this overwhelming longing for hm. Monday night I was supposed to go over to his house and we were to leave Tuesday morning for our trip :( I could use one of his hugs right now.

 

Man, I hate these down moments. I just have to go through it.

 

I don't know what I would do without LS.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

Recovery is not supposed to be easy. It's hard and it sucks. But if you put in the work, you'll come out better on the other end. I don't think your ex is a bad person, I think he's a bad person for you. Two completely different things. He wants a certain thing, you want something else. It's not compatible and it never will be compatible.

 

But yeah, it's going to suck. And the more you try to cut corners, the further you'll prolong the suck. So instead of being afraid of the suck, embrace it. Make it your mission to conquer the suck, because once you do, there's a whole new world out there.

  • Like 1
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted
It really just hit me hard! And I'm at work now so I can't just crawl under the covers. I just got this overwhelming longing for hm. Monday night I was supposed to go over to his house and we were to leave Tuesday morning for our trip :( I could use one of his hugs right now.

 

Man, I hate these down moments. I just have to go through it.

 

I don't know what I would do without LS.

 

You do realize that all this suffering eventually just ends right? You just need to power thru this. Eventually you feel normal again. But you need to stay NC 10000 percent under any and all cricumstances. Make it your religion for the next 6 months or so.

 

i thought id never recover now i can barely remeber what it was like to suffer over the ex. Cav

  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I know NC is ultimately what will get me over my ex, that's why this time I'm staying strong. I haven't even had an urge to contact him.

 

I'm afraid it will take a long time. If I knew I'd be A-OK in 2 months, then sure, I'll just watch Netflix and take Xanax to speed it up. But man, the unknown gets to me.

 

I hate how he is okay. Gosh, I hate it. That's what bugs me the most, if I'm honest. And then the loneliness and being horny. Sorry, I'm just being 100% honest right now. I hate that he is happy, I miss the sex, I miss the cuddling, and I miss someone to talk too that I was attracted to.

 

I hated the relationship because I knew I could do better, but I was so caught up in the wrong stuff that it entailed. I was addicted to him and I don't even know why? It's not that he was perfect, far from it actually. I hated the things he did and how he couldn't give me what I wanted. I hated how I was never invited anywhere. I hated his work schedule and how we didn't get to see much of each other. I hated how he saw that other girl. I hated how he lied to me about it. I hated how he would be hot one minute, then cold the next. I hated a lot of stuff, but I put up with it because of "love"? What for? What did I love about him? The sex? His pillow lips? His sexy body? How he made me laugh? Now that I think about it we didn't even really talk that much about anything. He was always to afraid to talk about deep stuff or anything that involved our relationship. He started to open up a little bit, but not enough. I always was scared to talk to him about "us" and I don't think that is normal.

 

That's not love, is it?

 

Maybe I am just lonely. Maybe I just so badly want someone to love me and treat me the way I should be that I cling to anyone who is around? And it happened to be a guy that was emotionally constipated.

 

Food for thought...

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
I know NC is ultimately what will get me over my ex, that's why this time I'm staying strong. I haven't even had an urge to contact him.

 

I'm afraid it will take a long time. If I knew I'd be A-OK in 2 months, then sure, I'll just watch Netflix and take Xanax to speed it up. But man, the unknown gets to me.

 

I hate how he is okay. Gosh, I hate it. That's what bugs me the most, if I'm honest. And then the loneliness and being horny. Sorry, I'm just being 100% honest right now. I hate that he is happy, I miss the sex, I miss the cuddling, and I miss someone to talk too that I was attracted to.

 

I hated the relationship because I knew I could do better, but I was so caught up in the wrong stuff that it entailed. I was addicted to him and I don't even know why? It's not that he was perfect, far from it actually. I hated the things he did and how he couldn't give me what I wanted. I hated how I was never invited anywhere. I hated his work schedule and how we didn't get to see much of each other. I hated how he saw that other girl. I hated how he lied to me about it. I hated how he would be hot one minute, then cold the next. I hated a lot of stuff, but I put up with it because of "love"? What for? What did I love about him? The sex? His pillow lips? His sexy body? How he made me laugh? Now that I think about it we didn't even really talk that much about anything. He was always to afraid to talk about deep stuff or anything that involved our relationship. He started to open up a little bit, but not enough. I always was scared to talk to him about "us" and I don't think that is normal.

 

That's not love, is it?

 

Maybe I am just lonely. Maybe I just so badly want someone to love me and treat me the way I should be that I cling to anyone who is around? And it happened to be a guy that was emotionally constipated.

 

Food for thought...

 

If anything, I think you think too much. Going over all of that stuff in your head just doesn't really do anything to help. You need to set a goal of staying NC and recovering and doing whatever you need to do to do it. It's good to think sometimes, but you seem to let the white noise consume you way too often.

 

And there's no time limit to this. It takes as long as it takes. But you can't do any more of the fast-food, "I want it now" approach to this.

  • Author
youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If anything, I think you think too much. Going over all of that stuff in your head just doesn't really do anything to help. You need to set a goal of staying NC and recovering and doing whatever you need to do to do it. It's good to think sometimes, but you seem to let the white noise consume you way too often.

 

I know I do, this is my major flaw!! That's why I suggested Xanax to get my mind off of it. :-p

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

Maybe I am just lonely. Maybe I just so badly want someone to love me and treat me the way I should be that I cling to anyone who is around? And it happened to be a guy that was emotionally constipated.

 

Actually this is quite common. And, this is why you need to dig deep into YNL now and identify and address your issues. As I stated before, if you don't you can expect the same patterns again and again. It's really not about him at all, but rather you. You can just insert another dude's name with the same story.

 

It will get worse if you don't work to make it better. In all areas of your life. Again, I speak from experience :(

 

You're taking the right steps. Now you just need to keep moving forward and snowballing :D

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...