Author youngnlove89 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Start listening to the MP3 book I sent you... When used properly, your mind and thoughts are a tool to be used only when required. With practice, you will be able to simply stop compulsive thinking... I haven't gotten it yet. But I definitely will when it arrives 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I guess I'm just sad because I love him. I still miss the son of a gun. And I wish none of this happened. I wish we could have been the couple I dreamt of. I wish he didn't lie to me. I wish he loved me the way I loved him. I wish and wish. But the fact remains: he is gone. I'm remaining no contact. But I want to be honest with my feelings because this is honestly how I feel. Imagine trying to get over someone, working so hard and then this happens. Wouldn't it just give you a mind f.%^$? This does hurt me. I am still human and this sucks. I didn't see it coming. Problem is, it will keep coming. Over and over and over. Seriously, a restraining order may be necessary. And yes, we all miss the shtye out of our ex's. Mostly who we thought they were. Not who they really were. The 3 years I spent with my ex-fiance, were filled with many, many wonderful and exciting experiences. She is beautiful and kind. I loved her more than I have ever loved another human being (except for family, but that's different). But, she's gone and it's over. At this phase of your recovery, you need to accept that it's over. Stop wishing. Wishing is for wells. It's over. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move to the next phase... I know it's hard. We all do. All of us on LS have been there. We can relate.
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Then he probably went back to his house and invited her over. STOP!!! No more thinking/wondering about him and his actions. Time to focus on... guess who???
forgetmenot75 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'm going to keep it. This is the first present he gave me and I like it. Why can't I keep it? I deserve it after all I've put up with it! I'm not sure how I will feel when I use it and I hope it doesn't bring up any emotion. One thing I don't like though is how he got into my car to put the present there. Is that kind of creepy? He knows my code so that is how he got in. I wouldn't keep it. If you want nothing to do with him, return the presents so it will be clear for him your position. You can always buy a pink camera with the pink case. Don't you feel bad keeping them?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 He's got you scrambling and thinking again, that was his mission. He's confident because he knows that you never hold up and you always cave, so this is his trigger to get you to do that again. I'd regift and give the thing to someone else. 1
Joaquin Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 U are still being manipulated by him. Its not a gift. Its a game. 1
cavalier99 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Cmon. Youve got to be kidding me. isnt it about time you tell him to f*ck off. Take his gifts and drop them off at his doorstep and tell him to NEVER contact you again. Do you want to get over this guy or what????? You might be here forever at the rate your going. Sorry.. im just calling like i see it. Cav 2
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Do you want to get over this guy or what????? You know the answer to this question. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 This guy desrves a huge f*ck you and yes, it's not a gift it's a game to him. I'd send them both back along with that fake spider. He DID get what he wanted - inside your head. He knows how to play you like a fiddle. 1
noble Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 OP, I have read a few of your threads. I read the one about him lying to you about seeing his ex girlfriend, and I also read another one that you wrote that questioned people's experiences dating insecure/jealous people.. I know everyone here is encouraging you to keep NC with this guy, but I thought I'd just offer my advice.. because I am a very jealous insecure person and it has caused problems with my boyfriend.. So, basically, I think you're making a mistake. I think that you're "deciding" that him being friends with his ex girlfriend is wrong, because you don't like it. But why don't you like it? probably because you feel threatened by her for some reason. your ex probably knew you felt threatened and chose to hide it from you, probably because(if i had to guess) you have a history of overreacting to these sorts of things and getting jealous and insecure whenever there is mention of another girl. I think he probably just tried to hide it from you to avoid a big conflict, and then he didnt want you to feel threatened about her so he lied and said she had a boyfriend to try to avoid you worrying about it. yes, I know it's wrong to lie to the people we're dating but i think in some way or form we all have lied to someone, and often times we lie because we dont want to hurt someones feelings or we don't want to have to deal with them reading into things something that isn't there. i think he probably loves you... also, your post about him lying about her reminded me of a scene from when harry met sally in the beginning when they were in the airport and he was explaining why he thought men and women couldnt be friends.. and he said something like "because then your significant other can't understand why you need a friend of the opposite sex, and then they think something in the relationship must be lacking, which it isnt".. it reminded me of you because in one of your threads you were saying " he has me why does he need to be friends with her?" but... do you tell him he's only allowed to have one male friend, because he has one he shouldn't need another? just because shes a girl doesnt mean she is a threat to you..
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I don't get it. I guess it could have been worse. He could have knocked on my door. Or called me. Or tried to see me. Instead he just put it in my car. He got what he wanted. Me over-analyzing everything. I'm sad. I'm not going to contact him. I just feel sad now. He was there, at my apartment and I had no idea. Then he probably went back to his house and invited her over. I only got halfway through reading the thread so far... But this ^^^ is exactly why he put it in your car. -now you are thinking about him -now you have another physical reminder of him - now you are wondering why he didn't bring it to you in person - now you are imagining him with sleeping bag girl - now the ball is in your court to call him and say thank you - which will open the door a teeny tiny little bit, so he can snake his way back in covert manipulation check, check, and check
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Take the camera and the pink case down to the Boys and Girls club and give it to them to give to a needy kid who has nothing. And take a big breath of fresh air. 1
Trimmer Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 One thing I don't like though is how he got into my car to put the present there. Is that kind of creepy? He knows my code so that is how he got in. Yes, it's creepy, because it's a power move on his part. He's showing you that he still has the power to insert himself into your life. He's not just saying it or claiming or bragging - he has demonstrated that he controls the situation and that there is no effective boundary to his entry. Literally: a locked door is no barrier to him. Metaphorically: he sees no boundary to staying connected with you, and pulling your strings, and he wants you to know it. I sure hope you find that creepy. You don't assert and protect boundaries by ignoring when they are breached. See, if he were my boyfriend still and did that it would have been cute. I would've loved it. But now, it's just confusing and I don't know how to feel anymore. Now, it's him asserting his control over a connection with you. Do you want that? I mean, I still won't talk to him or anything, it was just so weird of him to do that. My mind is jumbled... Mission accomplished, then. He got what he wanted. Me over-analyzing everything. Now you're starting to get it. 2
Talulah Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I'd be afraid at this point. I mean he got into your car, he needs you to think of him THAT much. Get away from him....you are sick from him!
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) You guys, My ex isn't an evil person. He just doesn't love me that way. He couldn't commit to me the way I wanted too. We can't control our feelings. But his intentions with the present weren't meant to be evil or creepy or manipulative. I think he personally just wanted to prove to me he did get me a present. I don't think he did it for any other reason. I had a chance to think about it last night and I don't think there were any hidden tactics. Such as manipulations, control or power. He didn't text or call. He didn't knock on my door. He hasn't said anything. He just got the present that he ordered for me and instead of calling me or knocking on my door, he put it in my car to avoid confrontation. I believe he still cares about me, just not that way. I dated this guy for over 2 years, I know him well enough to know his intentions were just that. I don't need to be mean to him or get a restraining order. That's insane. I'm sure the lot of you would feel the same if your ex (whom you loved and spent awhile with) did the same thing. You wouldn't think of it as manipulative or creepy because you know them. Or maybe you would. I don't know. I could wonder all day. I could say it was this or that, but only he knows his own feelings and own intentions. I'm just wasting my time trying to read minds. I know my past has shown that he comes back. This times is different. I know I've said that before too. He won't bother me anymore. A couple can only go through so much before we have reached our wit's end. I am staying strong with NC. It's for the best. He isn't coming back this time. Because I won't let him. Edited July 26, 2013 by youngnlove89 1
iouaname Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I don't think that he is evil, but I do think that he is manipulative. He may not be doing it consciously in an effort to hurt you, but he is definitely trying to work the situation in a way that favors him. We are all guilty of doing that at times. However, it is negatively affecting you, and that is where it becomes a problem. If you genuinely want to move on, you have to be prepared for what is going to happen. It might be a little while, but he is eventually going to feel you slipping away for good, and then he is going to make a last push to keep you in his grasp. It might be a heartfelt message, a gift, etc. if you truly want to get past him, you need to be prepared for this. 1
iouaname Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I will take it lightheartedly when you explain to me what it means. I'm a bit sense sometimes:o
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Thank you guys, I do appreciate your help and opinions. I need them in a time like this because I am confused as all hell. Maybe I am being naive? I am just so lost and confused. What will happen, Mack?
iouaname Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Its like a peace offering.. Oh! Accepted, of course
iouaname Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I would love to hear from both of you in my thread in the Coping section. I'd love to hear your thoughts/criticisms. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You know, a lot of people told me that is creepy. When I first saw the present I didn't think it was creepy. But I guess I know him and we were together for 2.5 years, I know his intention was to be anything, but creepy. See, if he were my boyfriend still and did that it would have been cute. I would've loved it. But now, it's just confusing and I don't know how to feel anymore. I mean, I still won't talk to him or anything, it was just so weird of him to do that. My mind is jumbled... Keep the case - it protects the camera. Change the lock combination - it protects you. All else is immaterial. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Ok one step at a time...what will happen next is one of the following (or something similiar to the following).. 1) He will send you a text. Something along the lines of "Hey I was thinking about you today (could be a song that reminded him of you, a place etc etc) and wondering how you are doing? Hope you got the little surprise gift I left you :-)". There will probably be some kind of question in there because he wants a response from you... 2) He might call you on your phone and say he is in the neighbourhood and he might pop in for a chat to see how you are (because he is such a caring guy).. 3) He will just suddenly arrive at your door. This tactic is the element if surprise and he has used it effectively before. It also forces you to see him (i.e not avoid).. Each guy like this is different, so pinpointing which action above he will use is not easy. I have a hunch for the text wondering did you get the gift and I reckon it will come within the next next 7 days and maybe even over the weekend.. Watch this space ;-) Yea, you are right. Next week is my Birthday, I think that is when he contacts me. But to be honest, it doesn't matter whether he does or not. He wouldn't be contacting me to fix things or make things better or because "we are meant to be". so whatever reason it is, it's all irrelevant to me!
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I think you are doing great if you want my opinion. Great thread, I would have little to add to be honest. Not only have you come along way, you seem to have really grown in the process. I don't see you making the same mistakes in future. U are someone I will come to for advice if I manage to somehow screw up something potentially very special haha Yes, she is the strong I desire to be.
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