foldingaces Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'm to the point of having no answers here. My dilemma: A woman I've dated a year ago, we split after having an argument (didn't date long), but we had a total connection before, and now a year later...it seems like there's something still there. She has three kids, but for me, I loved her kids...so it doesn't matter. She had 2 ex-hubby's before (both cheated on her)...so when she came at me saying she didn't trust me cause she thought I was doing something behind her back, so I blew her off because it was like she was comparing me to her ex-hubby's before. Yet a year later now, I still feel something for her. I contacted her this week after a year, she just got out of a relationship, but she seems open to hanging out again. She seemed to like the previous guy, but since she's been talking to me, sending me pics of her and her kids, I'm beginning to think something may rekindle itself. However, I've been making comments of hanging out again, and she doesn't fully commit to saying yes to it. I know when women get out of a relationship (this one 6 months), they usually want to take time, but how much time is the question here. I don't know if she has these trust issues with me. I don't know how to approach her in a way that would show I'd like to try again without seeming too abrasive that I'd love to be with her again. I'd just like to know where I stand without having to be so abrasive and asking her directly...fearing that I would hear something I don't want to hear (rejection) Anything would be helpful in a response.
Treasa Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 As it sounds like she has baggage and trust issues, I don't think you should pursue anything with her. At least not right now. She sounds like she needs to get things sorted first.
jphcbpa Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 if you do pursue, go very slow, stop pushing for a meet up. tap the breaks turbo!!! what is the rush??? you waiting a year and you can wait longer.
Author foldingaces Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 As it sounds like she has baggage and trust issues, I don't think you should pursue anything with her. At least not right now. She sounds like she needs to get things sorted first. Everyone has issues, everyone has baggage. I actually think that it's based on your maturity level on how to deal with every relationship from that point on.
Author foldingaces Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 if you do pursue, go very slow, stop pushing for a meet up. tap the breaks turbo!!! what is the rush??? you waiting a year and you can wait longer. LOL, its not about being a "turbo" for relationships. I deter and say that what would the world be like if I said to women... This is what I want out of a relationship...then you tell me what you want out of this relationship...then just go from there. Why do we have to play these games of dating charades by trying to figure out what in the hell she's trying to tell me?
twinkie0 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 (edited) This is what I want out of a relationship...then you tell me what you want out of this relationship...then just go from there. Why do we have to play these games of dating charades by trying to figure out what in the hell she's trying to tell me? Oh man, that question you just asked... it's safe to say we have all asked that at some point. In my experience, it's because women, most of them anyway, are simply not like that. That's probably the reason I feel incredibly attracted to women who are straightforward and speak their mind, because they are really rare. As guys, we think in these very simple, logical terms. Why don't you tell me what you want, I do the same and we take it from there? Why don't you tell me things the way they are instead of keeping me guessing? But that's just the way most women are. And if you put your foot down and demand answers, she will say she feels "pressured" and push you away. So patience is the name of the game. Take it slow and tell her what you feel when the time is right. Hope I helped. Ps. Don't take her trust issues too personally. Try to put yourself in her place. How would you feel if you had been screwed over like that, TWICE no less. You think i'd be easy for you to trust again? Let her know you understand why she would have trouble trusting you, but letting her know you're different. Edited July 25, 2013 by twinkie0
CherryT Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'd just like to know where I stand without having to be so abrasive and asking her directly...fearing that I would hear something I don't want to hear (rejection) Anything would be helpful in a response. Well firstly, you're the one who approached her. You may not have been on her radar up until now. So slow down a bit on "where you stand" because really, you could've stood in the back of her mind until you popped back up. Yes, she has baggage and trust issues and when she was having a tough time trusting you, you broke up and the relationship ended. Could've confirmed it for her then and there, whether it was true or not. This woman has 3 kids. A year can mean a difference whether they were infants to toddlers or now going to school. How long have you both been talking again? If you've been asking her a couple of times in the last 2-3 weeks, I'd still give her some time. She might be wondering what it is you want from her. It's tough for some people to go back to a relationship that ended, since you didn't stay friends for the majority of that time.
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