Matthew C Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 My ex GF broke up with me 3 months ago. It was really hard for the longest time. I would read many of the posts here and feel like a lot of others did: unable to sleep or eat, always thinking about them, and just miserable. I really was in love with her and wanted her back. A little over a month ago, I had a really rough weekend filled with lots of drinking and I made a complete a** of myself. I was embarassed. That weekend felt like a blur. Friday evening quickly turned into Monday morning. After that weekend, I started to think about how ridiculous I was being. I put a stop to the excessive blackout til I passout drinking. I made some necessary changes to my life. I was calling her every now and then, and she called me a good bit as well. I put an end to that. I would still get calls from her occasionally until they stopped almost altogether (every 3 or 4 days which was a long time for us, even before we started dating and were just friends). Anyways, I'm a lot happier than I've been in a long time. Work is going great and I've gone out with some new girls and am really starting to feel a hundred percent again. So now to the matter at hand: how does one go about retrieving personal items still in the possession of the ex? I'm not talking about anything terribly valuable, but some dvd's, cd's, clothes, and some more things that are of personal importance. I have tried contacting her and we spoke a few days ago about when we could do this. I even suggested that if she felt uncomfortable seeing me, that we could just drop them off at a particular time, promising to not open the door until a "safe" time. It sounds kind of childish, but I really was trying to be as accommodating as I could. She said she might be busy tonight, the night that I suggested we do this, so I told her to call me and let me know one way or another. She said that she didn't understand where all this was coming from and that she didn't want me to not be in her life. Mind you, we have barely spoken in over a month. Without getting into all of the specifics of the relationship and breakup, I could use some help on how to move forward. I don't want to get back together, nor am I ready to be just friends. I've felt better about myself without calling or talking to her, so I know this is the right way to go, but I'm still confused about her holding on to my stuff.
Merin Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Well, the only guess I have in her not wanting to return your things is even though she is the one who ended it.. she probably also thought that at sometime IF she wanted you back that you would come back.. so your asking for your things to be returned puts a new perspective on things for her and the "finality" of it may be freaking her out. BEST TIME to get your stuff back is before the other person destroys it, throws it away, pawns it, burns it... Jk Jk!! Just tell her when she asks "wheres this coming from?" that it isn't a matter of you trying to be mean or vindictive.. that she just has some items that belong to you, and mean a lot to you and you would like them back. Good Luck
DerangedAngel Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 BEST TIME to get your stuff back is before the other person destroys it, throws it away, pawns it, burns it... Yes. Totally. Very best time. I learned that the hard way. I think I may have 'taught that the hard way' as well. Whatever. You get what I'm saying. Anyway, Merin's advice was great. Good luck to you. -DA
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