The dumper, the dumpee ?

[boxbuddy]

This may be longer than I expected but I'll give it a go..

 

I'm currently broken up with my formal ex boyfriend for 4 months now, this story is probably one of the most complicated messed up thing I probably seen or went through in my whole entire life..

 

My ex boyfriend and me were together for two in a half years, we loved each other deeply. I grew up having a huge crush on him at a young age.. Little did he know, so basically this guy has been in my head for a long time.

 

I found out I was pregnant back in Feb, the day I found out I was pregnant his best friend hung himself. Yes, it was hard. I only went to the hospital because I had pnemonuia little did I know I was pregnant. Well I had a miscarriage right around the time after his best friends funeral.. We fought a lot, I went crazy and I lost my mind. I was four months pregnant and if I carried with Pnemonuia i would of died.. I got hooked on pills and i wanted to kill myself. He broke up with me and I went down hill after that .Anyways, we broke up the whole ordeal.. I was a mess and i left to new York for two months with one of my good friends. She took me under her wing, i came back home for him about two months ago... He already seen someone else a rebound they didn't work out, at all. I knew she wasn't going to stick around with that being said.. I started talking to him and we were friends and it was really nice. Till he kissed me, ran away from me than a month after that i said i wanted to be friends. Which went really well, till the night we had sex about a week in a half ago. He ran, he wouldn't reply i freaked out at him and i kept saying he used me. He said he didn't use me and that it wasn't the same, he always looks at me whenever he passes me by or sees me. (Not very often). I tried, talking to his family which all believe i had an abortion which was a lie, they will not speak to me. I was so close, with everyone. I can't give up we always wind up finding each other in the end. So really my question is how do you make someone actually miss you to the pieces. He made a huge mistake, he changed a great amount I am not very pleased at all with his actions. He acts like he cares in person but honestly in texts he says hes to lazy or he doesn't feel like talking. So i dropped the conversations and everything, so what do i do? He is the love of my life, I am so lost and in complete. Help? :/

[NiceFails]

Time for this guy to to disappear from your life.

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like the two of you are very toxic together. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay far away from him and stop any form of contact.

[TaserTag]

It sounds more like you love the way your relationship used to be and who you want this guy to be, not who he really is. You say: "he changed a great amount I am not very pleased at all with his actions."

Basically, that is, 'You're different and I don't like it and I want you to change back.'

You can't make those demands on people.

 

People change as they grow up and as they go through big life events. This guy has changed and you no longer like his actions/who he is. And you can't manipulate him back into the way he was and make him miss you.

 

The best thing for you to do would be to give him (and yourself) space. He broke up with you and, it seems, is trying to pull away from you and move on. You keep telling him that you want to be friends when you don't really want to be friends, so you start off by lying. You're trying to 'be friends' as a gateway into getting back together in a romantic sense. And you can probably get him to sleep with you occasionally, but it won't make him decide to stay with you. When you tell a guy that you just want to be friends and then have sex with him and accuse him of using you when you want something more and he still doesn't.. that's not him using you so much as it is you trying to manipulate him back into dating you. It's game playing and it's obvious. No one wants to be with someone who is clearly trying to manipulate them.

 

If you really want to make him miss you, the best thing for you to do would be to cut contact with him and start putting your life back together for yourself. He won't miss you if you keep insinuating yourself into his life and then accusing him of things like using you. If you 'always wind up finding each other,' then things will work out when you're both more stable. Obviously, right now, he doesn't want to work things out and date you. You can't force a person to love you and be with you, and constantly trying to manipulate someone into that will just be exhausting and build resentment for both of you.

[boxbuddy]

Wow that does make a lot of sense, honestly I wanted to be friends with him and not worry about the future.. He ended up kissing me and I couldn't handle that so I thought he wanted more. I did lead into the sex he said within time we would see where things went.. After that happened after promising me that he wouldn't leave, he ended up doing that. And when he did that, it crushed me more than ever.. I didn't know what to do, I haven't talked to him nor texted him since his birthday which was the day we had a fight how he just didn't talk to me. He said before he left that night text me in the morning, which I did nothing. Alright he had a busy day at work, three-four days go on, okay something's up. I kindly asked him, he told me that we weren't going to work. When were in person he will do anything in his will power, to get me to talk to him. I hate it honestly, I don't like the selfish not caring, guy he became. He was a true sweetheart, now he got into the trouble with the law (a stupid reason to be honest). I just want everything to be okay between us, but I have given it some thought and I am not going to talk to him. It's been four months, really is that to long of a time.. Can someone just walk away and not care about a person who he said he loved more than anything at one point? I know the whole thing with feelings change.. Why kiss me, why tell me he wanted to see where this went but completely ignore me? What is it an ego booster or mind games. I don't understand it at all.. I just want a guys point of view, in this type of situation.. I feel lost with it, I really do.