kmariec Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 This has been going on for about 9 months now. Actually, when we first started talking he was all lovey-dovey, telling me I'm beautiful and writing it on my facebook wall, and telling me how much he loves me whenever I would ask. This was going on from September-February. Lately for the past few months he tells me he loves me, he says he means it and one time he told me that I don't know how much he really loves me. I told him that I don't know how much because he never tells me because "that's not who he is". I understand that some men are like that but for him to start off at the so-called "honeymoon stage" to "I don't want to tell you because that's not who I am" is really driving me insane. We sometimes fight about it. It's frustrating because we are in a long distance relationship and there is no way that we can actually prove by showing how much, it's all about the communication. He won't budge on telling me! Please help me; Am I being reasonable about my feelings? -or- Do I have nothing to worry about because as he says "When I tell you I love you, I mean it.. I don't have to go into detail about why because that's not who I am."?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This has been going on for about 9 months now. Actually, when we first started talking he was all lovey-dovey, telling me I'm beautiful and writing it on my facebook wall, and telling me how much he loves me whenever I would ask. This was going on from September-February. Lately for the past few months he tells me he loves me, he says he means it and one time he told me that I don't know how much he really loves me. I told him that I don't know how much because he never tells me because "that's not who he is". I understand that some men are like that but for him to start off at the so-called "honeymoon stage" to "I don't want to tell you because that's not who I am" is really driving me insane. We sometimes fight about it. It's frustrating because we are in a long distance relationship and there is no way that we can actually prove by showing how much, it's all about the communication. He won't budge on telling me! Please help me; Am I being reasonable about my feelings? -or- Do I have nothing to worry about because as he says "When I tell you I love you, I mean it.. I don't have to go into detail about why because that's not who I am."? I'm a little confused...You stated he tells you he loves you, then you stated he never tells you. Which is it? Also, do you ask him to tell you a lot? It can get tiresome to always reassure someone. Not saying that's you situation, but it could have something to do with it.
Author kmariec Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I meant he never tells me as in, he doesn't tell me why he loves me. I don't ask him a lot but almost every girl in a relationship likes to be reminded every once in a while. I guess it's the fact that he used to tell me is what upsets me now because all of a sudden he tells me he won't do it.. "that's not who he is." I don't ask him for a long paragraph, just a few things to make me smile and feel loved. I don't know if I am asking for too much from him.. That's how he makes me feel at times.
hoping2heal Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Please help me; Am I being reasonable about my feelings? -or- Do I have nothing to worry about because as he says "When I tell you I love you, I mean it.. I don't have to go into detail about why because that's not who I am."? You're being very difficult and caught up in semantics. It's like him telling you he loves you isn't good enough for you unless it's presented in a way that you like. I understand how words would be important as it's LD but surely there are other ways for the guy to show you he cares than giving you a summary on why? 2
Keenly Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 In my personal opinion , you are being very high maintainence and borderline unreasonable. The thing that stood out the most to me is you even said that he told you " that's not who I am" and you completely disregarded it and now want to change a part of his behavior you don't like. That's not healthy at all.
Author kmariec Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Thank you for your replies guys. I never want him to change and I'm not trying to. Him telling me he loves me is good enough.. I can just be too selfish and always wanting more. Unfortunately, I can admit that.
CA2TN4Love Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yeah, I'm a little confused as well, because you said that he used to tell you why he loves you and then you said he never tells you why. However, my thought is this...when someone tells you they love you, believe it. Asking "why" all the time seems insecure and can become annoying. That's unattractive, and it would annoy the crap out of me. It's one thing if you're having pillow talk some night and you mutually discuss all of the reasons you love one another. It's a completely different thing if he says, "I love you, babe," and you say, "Tell me why." Relax. In my experience, if a guy tells you he loves you, he means it. If you continuously hound him about why, he may start questioning it himself. I certainly would. Just the fact that he loves you should bring a smile to your face. When my man tells me he loves me, I genuinely believe it and it makes my heart warm. Don't get caught up in requiring a laundry list of "why" and just accept that he "does."
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Thank you for your replies guys. I never want him to change and I'm not trying to. Him telling me he loves me is good enough.. I can just be too selfish and always wanting more. Unfortunately, I can admit that. Oy. It's clearly bothering him because he's now resisting telling you why. Accept that he loves you and stop being so demanding. If you're getting upset over this, you're going to push him away
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