jukeboxromeo Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Sorry for the long post, but I've got to get this out of my head and onto some kind of medium before I do anymore stupid things. One of my favorite TV characters, Michael Westen puts it this way: "It doesn't matter what your true motives are, because once you've made a choice in the field, you can never take it back." I want to make the right choice. Just 23 days ago, my ex-gf took my dog, all her things, and moved out of my house. Since then we've had minimal contact, mostly about dealings with the house/lease we are both on, because every time we spoke it turned into a fight. I believe about 2 months before the actual break-up, I started to develop the dreaded "Grass is Greener Syndrome". I read through the sticky at the top of this forum and every bullet shot a little pain in my heart. Grasping at straws for a reason to break up? Check. We fought a lot about dumb reasons, and the sex was minimal, but she chalked that up to her being insecure about herself. Not much warning? Extreme lifestyle change on my part? Check and check. Drunk myself stupid a couple of weekends right after the breakup and made mistakes I am not going to share here. But definitely burned some bridges with people I had a decent relationship with. I didn't do the last one, enter any new relationships, but I hooked up with some women that I definitely should not have, in my current whirlwind state of heartbreak. We've been officially over for a month and three weeks. (June 5) She told me she isn't hurt by the fact that we're not together, but she is hurt more by what happened after (I admitted to letting a friend kiss me who she'd thought was the cause of our breakup, and yes this was a trust issue with her) Taking down pictures, acting cold and snapping at her, ignoring her simple requests to turn down music, clean up things, etc. But to the point: I saw her yesterday, she came by to get a few of the dogs' things that were left behind and sort out what we were going to do to try and get out of the lease, as well as some other bills and the talk led to my feelings about the break up. I kept myself together as best I could, and honestly apologized for everything. The cruelty I showed her, for being so brash and rude and disrespectful of the relationship we'd shared for the past 14 months. I loved her, whether we fought all the time or not, I was glad to have her to come home to and vent about the day, and let her tell me about hers. And my GIGS got the better of me. I wondered if there was a hotter, nicer, more active and more compatible version of this woman who I had followed across the country to be with. I haven't ever seen her like I did yesterday. She looked great. She was well dressed for work, hair done nicely and smelled just as good as I remember she ever did while we were together. And I've been a wreck. Drank a lot, spent way more money than I should have on booze, doing anything and everything to get her out of my head. And almost being as reckless as possible while doing it. I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't happy with where my life was before we broke up. I'm still not. I have a plan, and have made some progress towards my goals. And maybe that's what caused me to develop this "GIGS" syndrome. Reading over my previous posts, and the responses I've gotten, I am way too much of a mess to be with anyone right now. But I guess with the choices I've made, I just want to know-- Is there any way I can fix all of this? I've realized my mistakes, and if I have to just focus on solutions, and not regrets- and move on with my life, then I guess that's my path. But is there any chance I can get her back? Or even if I should?
AllTooWell Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 You guys haven't been broken up for that long. You just saw her recently so you may just have "dumpers remorse" - you see she's moving on, looking good, and you're like crap!!! What have I done! I would wait a while to see if that's how you ACTUALLY feel, or if you actually miss and want to be with this girl. I think she has every reason to be hurt and she's going to be even more hurt if you get back with her and call it off again. In my opinion you should wait and give her time to calm down and cool off. Give a few weeks of No Contact. Try to get your life together (stop binge drinking, be responsible. Be polite. That kind of thing.) and if you still feel like you made the wrong decision - reach out. Don't text her or call her, you need to go and tell her in person "I have made a horrible mistake. I still love you." and such.
Author jukeboxromeo Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Glad someone actually read that mess. Thanks, and I will try to take that advice. I do have to see her this weekend, she's agreed to help me clean the place we shared and that I'm moving out of. I'll try and keep it together long enough to begin NC again.
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