sdraw108 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Well, normally I'd say don't bother contacting her again. But you did leave it kind of late to message her back. By 6.30pm people are either out already or getting ready to go out - it's quite reasonable that by this point she may have assumed you weren't interested and made other plans. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, and message her back something like, "Hey, I realise I probably replied a bit too late yesterday for us to hang out, but I'm still interested in meeting up if you are. Let me know". Then leave it at that. Be more impulsive next time if she asks you out! 1
BradJacobs Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 So I have no idea what her aim was by messaging me again asking me if I was free tonight. I guess maybe my suggestion of where to meet up wasn't to her liking...but she could've just said so? Besides, it's not like it was a bad place to meet (in my opinion--just a local bar that has a nice laidback atmosphere). I'm not sure if I should try messaging her again, because I get the feeling it'll just be the same story again. What's the point? You're over thinking things. She probably sent that same message out to others and then prioritized the responses. You need to gather more options so these responses come off more natural and you don't care so much who does and doesn't respond.
Author Marks Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Well, normally I'd say don't bother contacting her again. But you did leave it kind of late to message her back. By 6.30pm people are either out already or getting ready to go out - it's quite reasonable that by this point she may have assumed you weren't interested and made other plans. I don't know, 6:30p doesn't seem that unreasonable. Besides, when I messaged her back, she was responding as if she was still down to hang out. And then when I suggested a place to go...poof! No reply. You're over thinking things. She probably sent that same message out to others and then prioritized the responses. You need to gather more options so these responses come off more natural and you don't care so much who does and doesn't respond. I can understand that she's shopping around and all, but that just says to me that she's not really that interested in hanging out with me in particular. Sounds like she's just a casual dater, and I'm not particularly interested in that. And, she just left me hanging... is it really that old-fashioned to tell someone, "hey, actually I already made other plans"? I mean, it's not like my last response was five hours after hers...it was literally only five minutes, after she had me suggest a place to go. Anyway, not expecting a response, I sent her a message late last night asking if my suggestion of a place to go wasn't to her liking...and she responded early this morning with "Your suggestions were great.. I had a new neighbor come over that wanted to hang out.. I should have sent you a quick msg back to let you know though :/" ........???
It's Just Me Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Oh, Mark. Just cut this one loose. I've had men behave this way with me on OLD, and I find it really disrespectful when people treat you like an option. She's not truly interested in you. Find yourself someone who behaves like an adult, with manners. If you're having to second-guess everything you're writing or saying because of her lack of responsiveness, why even bother continuing the conversation? There are plenty of very nice people out there who don't behave in this way, and who make meeting very easy.
BradJacobs Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 And, she just left me hanging... This is going to sound cold but so be it ... No she didn't. You let yourself believe something was going to happen with her that night. More than likely it never was. Her question was if you had plans, not if you wanted to join her. Never buy into anything concerning online dating until concrete date, time and location are chosen. Sorry that you got frustrated. Next time don't sit around waiting for a response.
callingyouuu Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Her question was if you had plans, not if you wanted to join her. I feel like it's pretty implicit when someone asks you whether you have plans that he/she intends to hang out with you. Then again, I don't know very much about OLD, so maybe those rules don't exist in that realm?
Author Marks Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 This is going to sound cold but so be it ... No she didn't. You let yourself believe something was going to happen with her that night. More than likely it never was. Her question was if you had plans, not if you wanted to join her. Never buy into anything concerning online dating until concrete date, time and location are chosen. Sorry that you got frustrated. Next time don't sit around waiting for a response. I didn't really wait around for her to respond (well, maybe a little)...I went about my business as usual until it was fairly apparent that she wasn't gonna get back to me. Then I just went on to hang out with some friends. And actually I ended up having a pretty decent night regardless. I learned long ago that sitting around and "waiting by the phone" is not something that I should ever do when it comes to girls, because disappointment usually follows. But I agree with callingyouuu, I've always thought that if someone asks if you have plans, that it's usually implicit that they're looking to do something with you. But as I'm quickly learning, the online dating world seems to have whole different set of principles.
Author Marks Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 But yeah, I'm gonna give this girl a rest, because clearly she's not very serious about actually hanging out.
bentleychic Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Anyway, like I said I messaged her back and asked if she had anything in mind, and then suggested a place where we could meet up........ that was at around 6:30p. It's now 10:30p and I still haven't heard back if she was down with the place. Obviously it's too late now to do anything. So I have no idea what her aim was by messaging me again asking me if I was free tonight. I guess maybe my suggestion of where to meet up wasn't to her liking...but she could've just said so? Besides, it's not like it was a bad place to meet (in my opinion--just a local bar that has a nice laidback atmosphere). Being (sorta) single myself, I'd say she was looking for a date that night to do something, maybe her friends backed out on her (happens a lot w/ friends in relationships in my experience) so she messaged a few people she'd been talking to and picked the quickest to reply/best response/cutest/whatever her motivation was.
bentleychic Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 And WHY do we all (guys and girls) have to make this so complicated? I am a huge believer in not ignoring the elephant in the room so if I message that I want to go out, it's b/c I really do and if you respond something similar to what you did, I'd be psyched. Also? Don't change how you'd reply to her based on her response. If that's you and that's how you respond, be yourself. No sense trying to adapt to what kind of personality she would like or response that she'd be more like to respond to. BE YOU!
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