Huntr777 Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Hi there, I'm new to Love Shack.org, but from what I've seen you people are really cool, and give some really good advice. That's why I'm here, I need some advice with this girl I've been talking to. First, a little background about myself...I'm in my mid 30's, and for the last few years I've been dating around a bit. About a month ago a girl on Yahoo emailed me. She saw my pic and profile and thought we had a bit in common. I checked out her profile and we did have a bit in common. So we started emailing each other, getting to know each other a bit better. Every email that I got from her, the more I saw we had in common. I was really really enjoying reading her emails, and she told me (several times) that she enjoyed reading mine. So after about a week and a half I asked if we could talk on the phone, she gave me her number and we talked the next day. When we talked I found that we had even more in common, and we both enjoyed chatting. So we made a date to meet, and when we did meet we both had a great time, she's even nicer than she seemed to be on the phone and in her emails. She's really down to earth and speaks her mind, something which I really really admire in a woman. When I was driving her back she mentioned to me about meeting again, which of course I took as a good sign. I sent her an email the next day saying how much I enjoyed seeing her, and she agreed with me, saying that she too had a good time. And I can honestly say that she is as nice a person on the inside as she is on the outside, and that’s really saying something with her. So over the next few days we emailed each other back and forth, just getting to know each other more and more. We were planning on getting together when our schedules were free. Then later on that week she mentioned to me that she was getting a bad cold (there was a nasty cold going around my office at the time), and that she couldn't get together that weekend. I said I was disappointed, but understood. I did stuff on my own that weekend, I sent her a quick email asking how she was doing. Then for some reason I felt that she was being a little distant...so I asked her outright if everything was OK. She wrote back that when she was sick she didn't need an email or phone call every day, which I understand. Then she went on to say that I seemed to be a little more enthusiastic than she was...and that she didn't see us clicking on any other "levels". I was kind of thrown for a loop here, because I wasn't emailing her 10 times to 1 of hers, it was call and return, call and return, if you know what I mean. Then she went onto say that we did have a lot in common and she honestly did like chatting with me. Well at that point I just decided to just lay low, but I did call and left a short message that I didn't mean to give her the wrong impression. Well for two days I didn't call her, email her, anything...I was thinking that I may have ruined the beginning of a good friendship, maybe more. Then she emails me saying that this was the first time she was able to get on the computer, and she just wanted to say hello and let me know that she hadn't forgotten about me. She also said that she got my message and everything's OK, we understand where each other is at. Then she tells me that she just got hired part time and she's going to have a busy weekend, so she'll talk to me soon. I wrote back a few days later, told her about my weekend...she wrote back and said that she had another busy weekend coming up. So I'm starting to wonder if she's starting to blow me off. I back off for a few days, didn't email her until Sunday night. I sent her an email telling her about my weekend, and I wished her good luck on her new job. I get an email back saying that she got my email, she was busy the whole weekend herself. She also said that she was going to be busy for the next 2 weeks with this new job, but she promises she'll get back in touch with me. She also mentioned a couple of other projects that she's doing that will be keeping her hopping. I’m really starting to think here that I might be getting the polite blow-off, I’ve had it done to me (and I have done it to others as well). I mean, part of me is thinking that the next email/phone call will say “Hi, I’m off to California next week, talk to you in 6 months” And it’s not like I’m sitting home waiting for her, last Friday I went out and did meet a very pretty girl, and I got her number. Didn’t turn out to be much actually, she told me that the next night she met an old flame and they’re going to give themselves another try…so that number went right into the circular file. (I wonder if somebody is trying to tell me something…) At this point I’m thinking of just sitting back, taking it easy and let her contact me. Should I send a short little email to answer her “I’m busy for the next 2 weeks” email…just a quick note and say I understand, write when you can kinda thing. I don’t think the ‘No Communication’ rule would apply here, just a major step back and see what’s what. I just don’t want to come off as being “too available”. And please don’t get me wrong, I do believe what she’s saying that she’s busy, I’m just of the mindset right now that her interest might be waning, especially if we don’t get together again. I’m really interested in what the ladies out there think. What I really want to know is, is our friendship over here? My pessimistic side is saying it’s been too long, if she wanted to meet again by this point we would have. My optimistic side is saying that she wouldn’t be keeping in touch and explaining to me that she’s going to be busy if she was blowing me off. Should I just walk away from this? I can honestly say also, that I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a very long time. Hey you know I feel better just writing this and asking for some opinions here…everybody let me know what they think. And, just to keep myself active, I was thinking of re-upping to Eharmony or some other dating site, keep me active you know? Hunter PS – I bought the book “Dating For Dummies”, I mean, it’s never too late to learn, right?
unreal Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 You sound like a good guy. Unfortunately, from what I'm reading of your post, you sound a little bit "too eager". Maybe you are trying to hard? You have talked to this girl online, phone, email and only ONCE in person. Maybe you are also rushing things a bit? I'm not sure? I think you may be getting the "polite" blowoff from this girl. It sounds like you have made all the initial moves to get together again with this girl, but she just doesn't seem to be cooperating. She is suddenly sick and doesn't want any emails or phone calls. Then she tells you that she doesn't see you and her on any higher level than what you are now....which is basically just friends it seems to me. Now she tells you that she is super busy with a part time job? Sorry, but a part time job is just what it reads....PART TIME. That doesn't sound busy to me. Your best bet is too move on. Life is too short! If you email her back, tell her that you really enjoyed talking and meeting her and that maybe someday you two will meet up again. And then leave it at that. Let her make the next move and if she doesn't....you have your answer. Don't contact her anymore unless she comes after you. Good luck!
SoleMate Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Am I getting the blow off here...? Probably. Meeting people over the Internet is risky - not that she's a serial killer, but you just don't know what to expect from her behavior. I’m really interested in what the ladies out there think. That it's nice to be pursued, but we can smell desperation a mile off and it doesn't smell good. I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a very long time Is there any chance that you fell in love with a fantasy woman in your head, rather then the real thing? You have only met her ONCE in person. No serious bond can thus be forged, I think.
lilablue Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 IF this is CALVIN get a LIFE. You are a loser for placing an AD. ANy man can get a girl
surfergirl Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Hang in there. I think you need to give her the space she's trying to tell you she needs. If she's working a full time job and a part time job - that's very demanding on the body - mentally and physically....she may very well be just be plain ole tired. If you truly cherish the friendship part of your relationship so-to-speak then by all means keep the emails coming, maybe not as many as before but one a week or so until she gets adjusted to her new schedule or she tells you there is someone else she wants to invest her time in. Be prepared for both outcomes. Meeting people online is risky but just think of all the friendships that turned into something more. I personally think it's worth a try. If you don't you will always wander: "what could have been"?
Author Huntr777 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 Hey all, thanks for the responses...that's why I came here, for some good advice and I definitely got it. Thanks for taking the time to answer me. In the meantime, I better start reading that "Dating For Dummies" book, I guess I have a lot to learn huh? Hunter
Author Huntr777 Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 Hey you guys, was chatting with a friend of mine about what happened. I told her that I shouldn't have fell and gotten some emotions involved. She told me that those are my feelings and I can't control them. It's OK, to have feelings, we're not robots after all. Hey I'll just have to learn to control myself a little more and have to accept that if I screwed up, I screwed up and move on. Thanks to the first poster who said I seemed like a good guy that was nice of you to say. Hunter
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