outofthewoods Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I see a lot of people on here looking to reach indifference, looking for timescales until they reach indifference, convincing themselves they are indifferent so they can break no contact etc etc....so I'd like to give my 2 cents... I broke up with a girl 2 and a half years ago after we dated for a year. I "got over it" after around 9 months. And when I say got over it, I mean after 9 months I had reached acceptance and learned to live without her. In that 9 month period I would run into her from time to time, we would never speak but my heart would race at 100mph, I'd get a rush of adrenaline and I'd think about her for a couple of days after. I was fine, no breakdowns or trying to reach out, but I clearly wasn't over her. Anyway, I ran into her this week for the first time in a year....and nothing. My heart didnt skip a beat, I wasn't flustered and I literally didnt think about her for the rest of the day. I had finally reached indifference. My point is, it took me 2 1/2 years to get to that stage. When you have emotionally invested in somebody, loved them, married them or had kids with them, it takes a LONG time to become indifferent. For both of you, no matter who was the dumper/dumpee. Whether you still love them, hate them, are angry with them or are confused all mean the same thing. You are still emotionally invested. Indifference is when you can walk past them like a stranger and think nothing more of it. Anybody who claims to be indifferent about their most recent ex and is writing on a break up forum is lying. Unless your just here to help others of course. So when you are trying to convince yourself that breaking NC and getting rejected will be fine....remember it won't. When you think you will be fine meeting up with your ex as a friend, you won't! And f you thinking stalking your ex social media will be a breeze, it won't! You will know when you are indifferent, because you won't be on this board anymore talking about it 2
xilver Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Very true. The only thing I will say is that NC or contact will not change the time it takes to become indifferent. Contacting the person will bring out emotions and make you feel like you are going all the way back to square 1 because of expectations not being met and all that, but in reality it makes no difference. Contact is like waking a sleeping giant. The giant is going to wake up from time to time anyway. It's all about being happy and learning to get back to that level ground as quickly as possible.
jesse93 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 this is very true, and i'm glad that i read this. its very hard not to break NC or stalk her social media just to know if shes happy without you, but i know the pain that comes from finding it out won't be worth it in the end.
cavalier99 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Hmmm i think everone is different. My ex of 8 years dumped me 10 plus months ago. I was hard core NC for 7 months until i knew i was over it. Getting in touch just confirmed for me how over it I was. I knocked her and even NC off the pedestal completly. I talk to her now every so often and have even gotton together with her for a coffee ecetera. We are both completly indifferent. We have discussed our new relationships, looked at pics of new significant others reminised ecetera. There is no increase in heart rate or anything of the sort and no attraction on my part. Just a certain fondness for each other but nothing more. So i guess at leat for me i disagree that it takes a super long time to get indifferent. Rock on! Cav
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