Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 My ex and me have been broken up for 3 months together for 2.5 years. He was the dumper. Nothing really bad happened, he just basically freaked out and wasn't happy and walked away from everything. I have not seen him since. We have been texting for about 2 months now. I usually send the first text and then he responds and we have a breadcrumb convo until I go to bed. It's started once a week and then increased to almost everyday and on weekend nights. Then I tried to hold back alittle to see if he would text me first on my Bday a few weeks ago and he did. It made happy then the texting continued on. So last week after 2 months of this I decided to ask him if we could meet up...his reply was "I guess ...this week is tough maybe Sunday". That was on Monday night. So I said ok let me know. Since the ball was in his court I decided to go no contact and never heard from him. He even had the nerve to play words with friends and nudge me to play.. If you are so "busy" why ate you playing words. Anyways last night we started back up with our breadcrumbinh texts. I did good with NC for a entire week but I broke it again. I know I should just go no contact and move on which I'm trying to do. I've gone on some dates but its just not the same. My question is WHY does he even respond and have these texting conversation?! I mean I even extended the olive branch to meet up and he just let is pass. Is he just as lazy as I remembered....happy without me...confused.... Being nice...wants to be my friend who he will never see in person.... Like what the heck buddy
Emilia Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 He responds because you contact him. Take responsibility for your actions and don't blame him for breadcrumbs, it's a bit rich to hold him accountable when he is simply responding. It's you who keeps initiating contact.
Philosoraptor Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You are giving him emotional support and building up his ego while he searches for someone else to date and/or sleep with. 2
thishatteredsymphony Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 The real question is why are YOU texting him? I don't mean this in a bad way, believe me, after my ex broke up with me I pestered her with text messages every day for two weeks. But the problem is that you will realize you're not fully healing. I would imagine that him texting back to you is his way of assuaging any guilt he might have. Or her could have a genuine desire to keep in contact with you, the fact is only he really knows that. But keeping in contact with him will not help you recover. In fact I would guess that the reason you "don't feel the same" when going out on dates is because you're still talking to him. Do what you feel you must, but I suggest you tell him -- and you can be polite about it too, be the bigger person here -- that you need time alone for yourself to move on and heal from the break up. Tell him you cannot talk to him. Do not give him a time frame, just explain that this is for your own personal well being.
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 He responds because you contact him. Take responsibility for your actions and don't blame him for breadcrumbs, it's a bit rich to hold him accountable when he is simply responding. It's you who keeps initiating contact. I'm just scared to let the whole thing go I guess. I like keeping him on the radar in hopes we could work things out.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 He replies because he's being nice, but for no other reason. Its you who initiates contact, not him. He's not even interested in seeing you. You are holding a dream that you yourself imagine.
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 The real question is why are YOU texting him? I don't mean this in a bad way, believe me, after my ex broke up with me I pestered her with text messages every day for two weeks. But the problem is that you will realize you're not fully healing. I would imagine that him texting back to you is his way of assuaging any guilt he might have. Or her could have a genuine desire to keep in contact with you, the fact is only he really knows that. But keeping in contact with him will not help you recover. In fact I would guess that the reason you "don't feel the same" when going out on dates is because you're still talking to him. Do what you feel you must, but I suggest you tell him -- and you can be polite about it too, be the bigger person here -- that you need time alone for yourself to move on and heal from the break up. Tell him you cannot talk to him. Do not give him a time frame, just explain that this is for your own personal well being. Thanks. It's not even worth telling him because I feel like he won't even care and say..ok them stop texting me then. I know better but I get stuck in bad days. I was so good with NC for a week. I feel like he doesn't even care if I disappear. Wow I sound so pathetic!
forgetmenot75 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I'm just scared to let the whole thing go I guess. I like keeping him on the radar in hopes we could work things out. Unfortunately, he's already gone. And you are acting available for him, which he doesn't even care. He's not on your radar, that's only your illusion. This is really hard, but it is in you to change and move on. You need to do it for yourself. He is not interested in you. 1
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 He replies because he's being nice, but for no other reason. Its you who initiates contact, not him. He's not even interested in seeing you. You are holding a dream that you yourself imagine. Very good point. I guess it is all in my head. Sad but true. I don't know why I'm torturing myself like this. Time to pick the pieces back up again.
Emilia Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I'm just scared to let the whole thing go I guess. I like keeping him on the radar in hopes we could work things out. Unfortunately that's probably false hope. It's best to move on. I agree with Philosoraptor.
Minneloa Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Thanks. It's not even worth telling him because I feel like he won't even care and say..ok them stop texting me then. I know better but I get stuck in bad days. I was so good with NC for a week. I feel like he doesn't even care if I disappear. Wow I sound so pathetic! You are not pathetic! Break-ups stink. That said, I think going back to NC, as difficult as it is, will ultimately reap rewards for you. Staying in contact is just keeping the wound open at this point. This forum is a great place to vent and get support. There's also a "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread in the Coping forum that might be helpful if you get the urge to reach out or respond. Sending good thoughts! M.
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Unfortunately, he's already gone. And you are acting available for him, which he doesn't even care. He's not on your radar, that's only your illusion. This is really hard, but it is in you to change and move on. You need to do it for yourself. He is not interested in you. Thank you for the harsh but true words...hearing it from my friends doesn't stick as good as hearing it on this thread. I'm back on track andovomh forward again. He's a loser who doesn't care about me...sad but true. Time to face the music for me and walk away with some dignity 1
Emilia Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I feel like he doesn't even care if I disappear. Wow I sound so pathetic! You are not pathetic and this is a difficult thing to deal with but you are putting yourself in a terrible position.
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 You are not pathetic and this is a difficult thing to deal with but you are putting yourself in a terrible position. Thank you. It's hard as everyone knows but I need to go back to No Contact. I'm sure ill never hear from him again....but in the long run that's the best option for me. Go live your life buddy..see how bad it is without me! 1
iouaname Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I'm going to have to agree that it doesn't count as breadcrumbs if you are the one reaching out to him. It just counts as a response. 1
xilver Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 He replies because he's being nice, but for no other reason. Its you who initiates contact, not him. He's not even interested in seeing you. You are holding a dream that you yourself imagine. How can you say this? Why would a guy waste his time and energy talking to a girl repeatedly just to be nice? It doesn't make sense. Either a guy likes a girl or he doesn't. I have ignored text messages from girls who I simply care nothing about and let them fade away. My advice stop initiating contact. Let him initiate from now on and if he fades away then whatever. If you go that route then you either A) see that he has enough interest in you to keep it going or B) see that he could care less. He is the dumper so let it be.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 How can you say this? Why would a guy waste his time and energy talking to a girl repeatedly just to be nice? It doesn't make sense. Either a guy likes a girl or he doesn't. I have ignored text messages from girls who I simply care nothing about and let them fade away. My advice stop initiating contact. Let him initiate from now on and if he fades away then whatever. If you go that route then you either A) see that he has enough interest in you to keep it going or B) see that he could care less. He is the dumper so let it be. there are various levels of interest. He might want to talk to her because an ego booster, because he feels lonely at night, because he doesn't want be seen as a bad guy, because he likes to talk to her...nothing of this has to do with love. I've read some of your threads, Xilver, and I respect your opinions, yet I don't share them. The world is not black and white, there a re millions of shades.
jesse93 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 don't respond to him, he doesn't message you first because he knows that you'll be there messaging him why would he bother giving you the time of day by messaging you first when he knows you'll end up doing it? show this guy that you're stronger than he thinks you are don't respond to him and see if he really does want to talk to you, see if he will message you first but if he does don't respond or if you do give him simple one word responses, that will show him that you're actually stronger than he originally believed. you're just making it harder on yourself to let go of him, you'll find a man who will make you happy truly within time keep your head up and try your hardest not to contact him anymore its the best thing to do, no matter how bad it hurts.
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 don't respond to him, he doesn't message you first because he knows that you'll be there messaging him why would he bother giving you the time of day by messaging you first when he knows you'll end up doing it? show this guy that you're stronger than he thinks you are don't respond to him and see if he really does want to talk to you, see if he will message you first but if he does don't respond or if you do give him simple one word responses, that will show him that you're actually stronger than he originally believed. you're just making it harder on yourself to let go of him, you'll find a man who will make you happy truly within time keep your head up and try your hardest not to contact him anymore its the best thing to do, no matter how bad it hurts. Thank you.... I'm not contacting him anymore ... If he comes back around and starts texting me then great...but I'm certainly not waiting around. I'm trying. One day at a time. As everyone knows some days are just harder than others. Staying strong
Author Jenny1234 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 How can you say this? Why would a guy waste his time and energy talking to a girl repeatedly just to be nice? It doesn't make sense. Either a guy likes a girl or he doesn't. I have ignored text messages from girls who I simply care nothing about and let them fade away. My advice stop initiating contact. Let him initiate from now on and if he fades away then whatever. If you go that route then you either A) see that he has enough interest in you to keep it going or B) see that he could care less. He is the dumper so let it be. That's exactly how I feel. He never even responds to his friends and family and he's been responding to every message from me. And this has been going on for months. You're right. I'm stopping initiating...if he comes around then awesome but if I never hear from him again he's a real jerk who is happy without me! I guess time will tell...I am letting go and letting nature take its course.
aloneinaz Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Jenny, what has all those texts and keeping in contact with a guy that dumped you accomplished? It's kept your hopes and dreams of a reconciliation alive in your mind even though all his signals are he's over it. You noted that your dates since him aren't the same? Of course not if your emotionally still attached to a guy who's done with you. Go no contact and ignore him if he gets bored and throws you a bone. My ex broke up with me THREE times. I kept getting her back only for her to dump me due to HER ISSUES. She was use to me chasing her. She got mad at me cause I held her accountable for her poor behavior towards me and ended it again during her angry temper tantrum. She hasn't heard A WORD from me since. Almost two months now nor will she ever again. I know her and it has to be KILLING her that I'm not chasing after her yet again.. The best part for me is I said enough after the third time. I started dating again a few weeks later since I knew I wouldn't go back to her emotionally unstable ass. I've since met a TERRIFIC gal who I really like. We're approaching three weeks now. We are now exclusive and I'm greatful to have met a normal woman. Meanwhile, my friend see's my ex on two different dating sites, night after night.. Hum.. sometimes Karma works..
looks2k1ll Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 He don't want you, girl. That's all you need to know. It'll be hard, but gather yourself and move on. Don't treat NC as a way to get him to notice you, or make him jealous. It will never work that way. Treat NC as a way to ease your transition to the single life/new life with someone else. You're currently doing yourself no favors and will never get anywhere with this guy. You'll be okay. It's still pretty fresh after your break up and it's normal to reach out to a person who used to give you comfort. But now you need to get strength from within. One day you'll wonder what you even saw in him. 1
xilver Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 there are various levels of interest. He might want to talk to her because an ego booster, because he feels lonely at night, because he doesn't want be seen as a bad guy, because he likes to talk to her...nothing of this has to do with love. I've read some of your threads, Xilver, and I respect your opinions, yet I don't share them. The world is not black and white, there a re millions of shades. Exactly. So you should realize it was wrong to say the ONLY reason he would reply is because he wants to be nice. You gave a handful of alternatives that are far more realistic than being nice. That's all I was saying. I never mentioned love as a reason or ruled it out. I only advised her the quickest way to get to the truth.
Recommended Posts