Hopeless Loser Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Glad I found this place. I've been meaning to get this out somewhere. I've been in two long distance relationships, both lasting approximately two and a half years, and both ending in heartache. With the first relationship, I know where I went wrong. I had just been diagnosed with OCD and secondary depression and had become verbally abusive to my lover. She endured it for several months before cutting me off and moving on. I'd call and text the crap out of her, until finally she let me have it. But then a few months later came to me when she was feeling down. I thought she wanted to try again, but it didn't work out that way. So then I discovered a forum with a similar format to this one (OneManga) and while not looking for a relationship, ended up falling for another girl on there. If not for her, I don't know how long it would have taken me to get over the ex. We talked and had a really great relationship for two years. Last December, we decided it was time to actually be together. I flew out there and stayed with her and her family for a week. Things were great. So great I flew back out there this past March. We were intimate, we hung out, we had a blast. I was under the impression everything was alright. I came back home with the intention of getting my GED, then flying back out there one last time and moving in with her and the fam. But a week later, after I had flown back home, she says her feelings have changed. I was shocked. I didn't understand at all, still don't. She said I could still come back out there to visit, even move in, but that she only wanted a friendship. And now she says she doesn't even know if I can visit. She's gotten more and more distant and made it pretty clear her romantic feelings for me are dead. Worst of all, she likes someone else. Some guy she knows on Tumblr. And spends all her time Skype'ing or playing games online with him. She's completely friend-zoned me. And still can't explain what went wrong, other than her feelings just changed. You know, after the first breakup I endured, I realized I deserved to hurt and just had to move on. But this, I mean, why should I ever trust anyone again? After things were so great for so long, I just couldn't deal with this for a third damn time. I tried being her friend, stalked her Tumblr, made her feel guilty for about a week, broke off our friendship, asked for it back a few hours later, etc. I haven't made myself look too good. But I don't know how to cope. Seriously, I told her no contact and almost immediately contacted her back. I'm trying that again, but who knows how long until I succumb. And I know that just pushes her away more. This is just driving me crazy. I don't have a social life, real friends, a job. The only silver lining is that getting with her made me realize I needed to try and get myself together and that's why I'm getting my GED. I take it next month. Then I don't know what to do with myself. I only even wanted it because of her. I have no ambitions. I dropped out of school. I'm pretty much what my username implies. If I had the nerve, I probably already would have killed myself. I just, I'm lost. I know, wah-wah-wah, but that's just where I am mentally. I don't want to be like this. I want to move on, but more than that I want her back. But I know it won't happen. She's like an entirely different person now. I went out of my way to take care of her, spoiled her, loved her. I don't understand this. Especially considering she told me when we broke up that she wasn't ready for a relationship, but now likes some other guy. I feel betrayed. Or is that being selfish? I do want her to be happy, even if I'm not there. I just don't know how I'm going to handle this and if I can ever trust anyone again. I said that during my last breakup, but to end up in deja vu like this is, it's killing me. I turned in an application to do some volunteer work at the hospital, but they haven't gotten back to me. I guess I'll get a real job once I have my GED. I need to occupy myself somehow. I'm just very unhappy after being the happiest I've been in my entire life. And that's it, I guess.
Mack05 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Until you stop viewing yourself as a 'hopeless loser' no one on this or any forum can help you...
Author Hopeless Loser Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Until you stop viewing yourself as a 'hopeless loser' no one on this or any forum can help you... I wish I could see myself differently.
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You're not a hopeless loser. Look, you're getting your GED because you want to make improvements to your life. That's not the kind of thing a loser would do. You have to start loving yourself before anyone else is able to love you. So, you need to make self improvements to your life. Get that GED, once you get it! AWESOME! Treat yourself to something nice. Then, move on to the next goal. Sign up for community College. Take courses there and be motivated to DO YOUR BEST! Find out what you want to major in (do your research and see what is in demand and is paying the best for it) then go do it!! No one can motivate you more than yourself. SO, find that motivation. Remember, girls are attracted to guys that have a plan. If you were sitting at home playing video games with no education and no GED....well, that's not very attractive qualities. But, if a girl see's a guy that going to school, working hard and is aspiring to be...a physical therapist. Well, that guy might be worth giving a shot to. Look at it that way.
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