Talulah Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 If no one cheated and the break-up was pretty amicable. Yet, the dumper still did things, such as calling with updates, yet "forgot to send you that e-mail." Why would someone do that. Ive dumped peopke before, but I never tried to be spiteful to them about anything from our past.
Philosoraptor Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 To elicit an emotional response, to vent their own frustration regarding trying to move on, because in their mind suddenly they feel "done wrong", and the list goes on. All you can do is focus on yourself and not let yourself get caught up in their actions. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Focus your thoughts and energy on not what he's doing but in not caring about what he does.. Move on.. He's an ex..
unexpectedlyhere Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 From the height of my four-day experience with a non-spiteful ex: because if you cared for each other, then the dumper is just the person who gave up. They're still going through loss, hurt and guilt like you are. Some people react to these feelings with spite. Don't fall for it and ignore it. 1
drake13 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 When my ex came back she told me it was a way of coping, she would rather project feelings of spite and hate toward me than her true feelings of love and regret, she said she felt shame in her actions but she figured it was the only way to help me move on, I don't think it's right but part of it makes sense, I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help to you. 1
robaday Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I think there can be two possible reasons and Ive experienced both 1) they are still hurting - theyll do anything to hurt you as much as you hurt them - generally this is done by dumpees, but can also be done by dumpers too 2) they are completely over you and dont want you in their life in any capacity (this was me recently - i really dont have any positive feelings for that girl whatsoever and dont want her in my life).
Author Talulah Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 This is something that I would do more, being the dumpee and the girl, of course. But my ex acted SOOO much like the girl in relationships, before we actually started dating he would 'try' to play hard to get and ( I wasn't into him then). But he is just the type of person who holds a lot inside, and only anger has ever come out of him when he was not in a good mood. Although, he always was in a good mood.
Roflsaurus Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Mine hates me as well, from what my friends from back there tell me -.-. I literally was the nicest guy when I broke up, sent one heartfelt letter, gave her space and dropped contact. I guess I didn't want to play the lets be friends game or beg for her not to leave everyday....and it makes me Hitler in her eyes.
Author Talulah Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Mine hates me as well, from what my friends from back there tell me -.-. I literally was the nicest guy when I broke up, sent one heartfelt letter, gave her space and dropped contact. I guess I didn't want to play the lets be friends game or beg for her not to leave everyday....and it makes me Hitler in her eyes. Well, I don't think mine hates me. But he used the friends card on me, or tried to at least
Nik1 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Sounds like he/she is regretting their choice. Revel in it.
thompkevin Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Because people are different and they deal with loss in different ways. Some people just cope with the pain of breaking up by doing this.
Tinysteps Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 To elicit an emotional response, to vent their own frustration regarding trying to move on, because in their mind suddenly they feel "done wrong", and the list goes on. All you can do is focus on yourself and not let yourself get caught up in their actions. I've asked myself the same question as the OP, about small doings of my dumper ex since the drawnout LDR break leading to breakup 2-3 months ago. I know my ex is a guilt-ridden person with a penchant for repressing emotions, closing off selfishly when things get hard, burying in work and moving on etc. But pouring water on the drowning through small but hurting "peripheral" social media things, like unfollowing/unliking my website, fb-likes on stuff that would hurt / annoy me if I see it. Also cold ("no hellos") behavior, mixed with times of a more friendly attitude and will to interact in subtle ways in the online "community" we're both part of. Part of me thinks the ex is unconsciously revenging hurt from early on in the relationship that has surfaced at times, and was said to be part of the reason for breakup. And yeah, I can't help still loving this person....
Author Talulah Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 I've asked myself the same question as the OP, about small doings of my dumper ex since the drawnout LDR break leading to breakup 2-3 months ago. I know my ex is a guilt-ridden person with a penchant for repressing emotions, closing off selfishly when things get hard, burying in work and moving on etc. But pouring water on the drowning through small but hurting "peripheral" social media things, like unfollowing/unliking my website, fb-likes on stuff that would hurt / annoy me if I see it. Also cold ("no hellos") behavior, mixed with times of a more friendly attitude and will to interact in subtle ways in the online "community" we're both part of. Part of me thinks the ex is unconsciously revenging hurt from early on in the relationship that has surfaced at times, and was said to be part of the reason for breakup. And yeah, I can't help still loving this person.... This is SO TRUE! He kept bringing stuff that I said months ago. Some people are just extremely passive aggressive.
Tinysteps Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 It might be passive-aggressiveness, but not necessarily! Perhaps it is not vindictiveness at all, but simply the inability to leave bad memories behind, with them resurfacing and creating pain again. As someone who just don't hold grudges I find it hard to understand, but for my ex and many others I guess it might be their reality.
Sugarkane Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 This always annoys me because there's no reason to be a total Ahole for. I've never forgotten the exes who have done this to me. If I ever run into them I wish I could say something. Especially when they call us psycho for just wanting answers/ staying in NC. I always hope someone will do the same to them.
Sugarkane Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Because people are different and they deal with loss in different ways. Some people just cope with the pain of breaking up by doing this. Not a good enough excuse.
Author Talulah Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 It might be passive-aggressiveness, but not necessarily! Perhaps it is not vindictiveness at all, but simply the inability to leave bad memories behind, with them resurfacing and creating pain again. As someone who just don't hold grudges I find it hard to understand, but for my ex and many others I guess it might be their reality. My ex is not the type to hold grudges. It just seemed like hechad anger towards me. Bringing something up months later is strange.
travelonic Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 'Spiteful," IMO, may not in of itself be the right word - though I do think it does depend on the circumstances.
robaday Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I've never forgotten the exes who have done this to me. If I ever run into them I wish I could say something. Especially when they call us psycho for just wanting answers/ staying in NC. I always hope someone will do the same to them. See if you did say something like you wish, then that would be being spiteful;) wouldnt it? I would have agreed with you. But I had to be spiteful with my ex. Too much toxic stuff was going down, calling me abusive while threatening to assault me, cutting all ties and when i asked her to stop contacting me after the fact being absolutely furious.......I could go on. Finally realised this girl is completely crazy and i dont want her in my life......
Sugarkane Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Yeah it's spiteful because of the dumpers BS, lies and cheating and being dumped cruelly. I'm sick to death with doing the right thing despite being the dumpee almost everytime. Why is it always ok for the dumper to be an Ahole? I've never forgotten the exes who have done this to me. If I ever run into them I wish I could say something. Especially when they call us psycho for just wanting answers/ staying in NC. I always hope someone will do the same to them. See if you did say something like you wish, then that would be being spiteful;) wouldnt it? I would have agreed with you. But I had to be spiteful with my ex. Too much toxic stuff was going down, calling me abusive while threatening to assault me, cutting all ties and when i asked her to stop contacting me after the fact being absolutely furious.......I could go on. Finally realised this girl is completely crazy and i dont want her in my life......
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