What is she trying to tell me?

[EvansR]

If you've read my other thread, you'll know all this, but if not, here's a quick summary:

 

• Met girl 2011
  
• Became my gf in mid 2012 (although she had to move to Spain as part of a tour and we had a LDR)
  
• Broke up 3 months ago with her citing I was too needy
  
• We have spoken every single day after, though not as much - we used to talk all day every day. She tells me she loves me every day - however, it seems that nowadays I'm putting in most of the effort to maintaining a friendship
  

 

And then:

• 3 weeks ago she told me she was silly for breaking up with me and that she wanted me to marry her someday, and we had a great week of cheesy romance again
  
• Asked me to take things slow if I wanted a relationship with her
  
• I took it too fast, she started being distant
  
• 2 weeks ago, we meet up and spend a day together - like a date: went to to cinema, beach, clothes shopping, sundae bar
  
• On the day we met up, she tells me she likes another guy - he's her wallpaper on her phone with him blowing a kiss to her. Even as her bf, I never made it onto her wallpaper...
  
• I was understandably disappointed. I still love this girl and thought we were trying to get back on track. I give her the friend hug at the end of the date day.
  
• A few days later, she's been wooed by this guy at the cinema where he tells her some really tacky cheesy lines and acts like it was all accidental, and he's with her on her tour, so he spends all the time with her.
  
• Yeah, I'm jealous of the new guy
  

 

But then:

• She's stopped talking about this guy
  
• She's started talking about all these other guys she likes
  
• She sends me pictures of her hugging them and describes how they're really cool and hot and sexy and blah blah blah
  
• But then she still turns around and says she loves me more than anyone
  
• She goes on my Facebook, and likes not my statuses, but the comments on my statuses by only my male friends
  

 

Some people I've asked about this seems to think she's trying to get me jealous.

Some have said it's her way of saying "I'm available and have options, so you need to make a move"

But I'm worried that if I make a move again, I'll lose the friendship because I personally don't think she's that interested anymore. Sure, she still says she loves me, but when I pay her a compliment she'll just ignore it. Me giving her a compliment is usually a point in the conversation where she'll say "I'm gonna go to bed". She's made it clear I'm not the level of attraction she usually looks for in a man (even though I'm her only bf) - although she has more recently stated that there's nothing wrong with the way I look, she just hates my hair, and the guys she likes are cuter than I am.

 

I love this girl more than anyone else in my life for reasons stated in my other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/409565-i-can-t-stop-loving-her

 

I don't want to give up on her, but I just don't know what to think.

She's an 18 year old girl - what could possibly be her motives here? What should I do?

[Philosoraptor]

She wants to keep you around as a "just in case". She wanted this other guy who was on her phone, but he either dropped her or she found out he was an ass and went back to the "safe" landing spot which was you.

 

You are being used, she is disrespecting you by telling you how inferior you are to other guys, and you are accepting it without a backbone.

[EvansR]

She wants to keep you around as a "just in case". She wanted this other guy who was on her phone, but he either dropped her or she found out he was an ass and went back to the "safe" landing spot which was you.

 

You are being used, she is disrespecting you by telling you how inferior you are to other guys, and you are accepting it without a backbone.

 

Thanks for the quick response.

 

So what do I do?

I'm really caught up in this girl and as frustrating as it is, I still love her as much as ever

And even though she's being a bit of a bitch right now, she's usually a really pleasant person to be around, and I would count her as one of my closest friends - another reason why my friends think that she thinks it's ok for her to talk about other guys to me

Is she trying to get a reaction out of me?

Because I can't just say "Yeah, he looks awesome! By the way, I love you!" -.-

[Philosoraptor]

She's seeing how much of a pushover you are, and how far she can push you away and have you still come back. You're waiting for her like a starving puppy begging for scraps.

 

What you need to do is get some self respect and get away from this woman. Stop being her backup plan and find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them.

[EvansR]

She's seeing how much of a pushover you are, and how far she can push you away and have you still come back. You're waiting for her like a starving puppy begging for scraps.

 

What you need to do is get some self respect and get away from this woman. Stop being her backup plan and find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them.

 

It's easy to say, but so much harder to do...

[chrisftw]

She's seeing how much of a pushover you are, and how far she can push you away and have you still come back. You're waiting for her like a starving puppy begging for scraps.

 

What you need to do is get some self respect and get away from this woman. Stop being her backup plan and find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them.

 

lol tough love. i love it! but so true.

 

It's easy to say, but so much harder to do...

 

actually it is when you realize that one woman isn't the make or break you. there's 40-50 year olds DATING out there.. have some self respect and go total NO CONTACT with this one.

 

if she adores you or misses your company SHE WILL text/call you at some point. every girl who has an interest in you will get back to you even if it takes 2 or 3 weeks for her to finally say. screw it i'm texting him!

 

if she doesn't come back.. well you have your answer and you can move on to the many other options out there.

[TheGuard13]

She's telling you that she's an attention whore.

[Radu]

Thanks for the quick response.

 

So what do I do?

I'm really caught up in this girl and as frustrating as it is, I still love her as much as ever

And even though she's being a bit of a bitch right now, she's usually a really pleasant person to be around, and I would count her as one of my closest friends - another reason why my friends think that she thinks it's ok for her to talk about other guys to me

Is she trying to get a reaction out of me?

Because I can't just say "Yeah, he looks awesome! By the way, I love you!" -.-

 

The thinking raptor is right.

No matter what you do at this point, she will always be substandard. The reason is simple, she is playing games.

 

If you want her back, start being distant, go to the gym, pump some iron, make sure to always reply less than she is, never initiate, and stop her fooling around on your FB and best of all ... get some pics up [recent and new ones] of you with some other good looking girl.

Her reaction at this point will speak volumes ... she doesn't even realise what she is doing, it's all instinct with her and she is emasculating you because she can.

This is not the kind of woman who you want for a LTR, this is the kind of woman who at this point you might want because sex is easy to get with her.

 

PS: She didn't break up with you for being needy, she broke up with you for being a push-over.

The other guy, he kicked her to the curb.

[BradJacobs]

It's easy to say, but so much harder to do...

Watch Forrest Gump for your inspiration.

 

She's Jenny. You're Forrest.

 

If you can see yourself inviting a used up cokehead into your life years later after she's been used and abused, then she's perfect for you.

 

If you don't want that life then cut her off starting with Facebook and later not taking her calls/emails.

 

Best of luck!

[EvansR]

Thank you all for your advice.

Last night she told me she'd had sex with her teacher, and she went into great detail too. And she says she told me because should thought I'm her friend. She didn't. She told me to be spiteful.

I'm done with her.

She doesn't give a **** about me, so why should I give a **** about her?

I hate loving her like I do. I just want her removed from my life completely.

[Philosoraptor]

Then remove her from your life. Cut all contact and block her on any medium in which she can contact you.

 

She's only doing this to you because you allow it. Right now you're the cause of your own suffering.