tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Hello all, It has been a while since I have posted anything. The last time I posted I was talking about my ex-boyfriend and I breaking up. Since then we have gotten back together and now we are broken up again, but this time I think that it is for good. Two weeks ago my ex and I were looking a weeding rings and he was thinking about marrying me. A week later we broke up out of no where and he moved back home and left me in a state all along (claims for a job he could not refuse). Nevertheless, we talked about this and what will happen if he did get the job that we would make the long distance thing work. Since this is possible because we can see each other every weekend. We both decided on a mutual break up for the best, but I now have second thoughts on this because he did at one point love the heck out of me and wanted to marry me. Now it is as if he hates me, but he still talks to me. We use to talk about having kids all the time and now he has literally drove me crazy! Yes, I am going out of my mind now because I really love and want to be with him, but he says to leave it in God's hands and I have. I pray every night to not feel this way about him because for the longest I thought that we were not meant to because I was losing feelings for him. Every time we break-up I notice how badly I cannot live without him in my life. I have even had suicidal thoughts because I feel as though there is no point of living without him. I know, I know, "THIS IS DUMB!" and this is never a reason to do this because of a "man" but this is how I really feel and I will do anything to keep him. I mainly feel this way because when I had him I didn't appreciate him when I had him and I didn't even try. If I had another chance with him I know I can be the women of his dreams. He is only the second person I have ever been with and I am in my early 20's. I was once married before and that did not end well due to his adultery and the day we deciding on a divorce is the day I met my ex. I have broken up with him due to the fact that I did not want to rush into anything too soon since I was going through a divorce, but this didn't work for him so eventually I gave into having a relationship with him in which I knew I was not mentally stable for. Anyway we got back together and worked out our kinks and it seems as though we keep breaking up and getting back together each time he has a few more girls added to his sex count and mines still remain the same with him being the second guy I've had sex with and the last guy. Now I am so desperate to keep him and to make him fall in love with me all over again that I want to get "accidentally pregnant" by my ex. We agreed to having sex anytime I am in town so that he does not feel the urge or need to have sex with anymore girls than he already had. However, he has He*p*s (std) and I do not to do this it would greatly increase my chance of contracting this virus also. So I want to make sure if I poked holes in the condom if this will decrease my chance of contracting it. I know trapping a man to stay with you is not ever a good idea because it will end in disaster, but I really love him and I want to always be in his life forever. I know I have not explored the world yet and I really do not want to if I am not with him. I believe that he is my soul mate because the feelings I have for him wont fade away no matter how much I pray for them to. It feels as though I have this evil spell on me that makes me want him the more he pulls away from me. I am losing my mind because I would never ever think to do this with any man (hence the fact that he is only the second guy I've had sex with) heck if guys are too demanding and wanting to only date me to have sex with me I immediately kick them to the curb and never look back. I do not know why I feel this way. This man is a 10 months younger than me and he drives me so crazy its sickening. I cry myself to sleep because I want him back so badly. My mom likes him, but says he's not my match because he is nothing that I would have ever even looked twice at when we met. Plus, she doesn't want me to be with him because she is afraid of me contracting his permanent std and I do not want to contract it either. I know I should not think of considering this and that by doing this I may contract it by putting myself in this great of a risk. We talked about having kids and I really believe that if I were to become prego he would love me again since we just broke up a week ago. I know his feelings are not gone that fast. He used to try to get me prego all the time but I wanted to wait until I was in an established career first. This really hurt his feelings and made him think that I didn't want to have his baby or be in a long-term relationship with him. Thus, making him distant himself from me so instead of suicide I think this would be better because I will have him apart of my life forever. I know this is psychotic and this is exactly what he does to me its unhealthy to be in this relationship since he has so much power on me. I honestly do not think that he would be mad that I got prego since he always wanted us to have a baby. He said that he was focusing on himself right now and if our paths meet later in life we will give it another try. I do not think I can wait that long because I love him so much. I really want him to love me again. I think he is one of those guys that stays in the relationship because we got prego were it would make him have a new light about us after all. I know that this is a horrible thing to do and that it could backfire. I do not have any kids and I have never been prego. He doesn't have any kids either nor have ever gotten a female pregnant I want to be the first. Please help me because I need advise to get rid of these foolish, selfish, crazy, thoughts I just don't know what to do anymore.
will1988 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 dafuq did I just read? uhhhhh you need to get over your ex, stop getting back with him, stop spreading your legs for him... and see a shrink ASAP! don't try to bring a child in to this non-sense! Actually, better yet, just don't breed for ever a while! If I were this guy I would be running for the hills right now! 5
Philosoraptor Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Having unprotected sex will obviously leave you open to the risk of contracting herpes. A hole filled condom wont change that risk at all. Getting pregnant in order to keep someone will not work. If someone does not want to be with you a child will not make a difference. All that will change is that he will pay (or not pay) child support, you'll still be alone, and if he finds out he will surely hate you. Move on, as bringing an innocent baby into this desperate game is sickening. 4
Zahara Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You think trapping him with a baby will make him love you? He'll only resent you even more because now he's forced to have ties with you because of the baby, when he doesn't want to. Puncturing the condom? I thought these things only happened in Lifetime movies, the ones with the crazy obsessive women that will go through any lengths to get what they want. You need help. It is psychotic. 3
Author tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I know it sounds very crazy, but I really love him and I know he loves me too. I am not crazy at all never had to see a shrink or was considered mentally psychotic. He is the only one that makes me think crazy and go crazy over him. No one has ever made me feel, think or go crazy for them except him.
Zahara Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) I know it sounds very crazy, but I really love him and I know he loves me too. I am not crazy at all never had to see a shrink or was considered mentally psychotic. He is the only one that makes me think crazy and go crazy over him. No one has ever made me feel, think or go crazy for them except him. This isn't love. I hope to god you both don't bring a child into this world. Have a child for the right reasons, not use it as bait to get this man. These are the terms that you would conceive a child under? And what type of environment are you bringing this child into? Sickening. Disgusting. Love doesn't drive someone to the brink of insanity. When people love each other, they stay together. Quit with the dramatics and forlorn "he loves me and I love him". You both are unhealthy for each other. Edited July 24, 2013 by Zahara 2
Philosoraptor Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You met him the day you divorced. That in itself is an alarm as it seems you clung to him while going through other issues in your life. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex husbands affair has made you incredibly sensitive to losing someone. At first you say "I know this is psychotic and this is exactly what he does to me its unhealthy to be in this relationship since he has so much power on me." then say " I am not crazy at all never had to see a shrink or was considered mentally psychotic.". You obviously know this is a bad idea and what you're doing is very unethical and crazy. You'll do what you'll do though, and no one can stop you. But he doesn't want to be with you, and that's the only fact here. Don't risk your entire future and life for someone who has made a choice to leave you. 1
Mack05 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) Married at 19, met a guy soon after your divorce. The relationship is pure toxic. There has been physical and verbal abuse in the relationship. He doesn't treat you well, not reliable, no real ambition. And you want to make him stay by getting pregnant (behind his back) and you call this love? You have no idea what the word 'love' means and if a kid is brought into this dysfunctional mess, what chance does this kid have? You are absolute disgrace..You know what I am not even going to waste any more energy replying to you. Please get professional help. This is thee most disgusting story I have ever read on this site.. exactly Love does not exist is right. This is a troll. No woman can be this sick, evil and twisted.. Edited July 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 You obviously know this is a bad idea and what you're doing is very unethical and crazy. You'll do what you'll do though, and no one can stop you. But he doesn't want to be with you, and that's the only fact here. Don't risk your entire future and life for someone who has made a choice to leave you. I know because this will risk my bright future that is ahead of me. It feels as though I can't continue on without him because he has helped me so much along the way. Yes my divorce made me extremely vulnerable to losing someone or someone leaving me. However, I did not react this way when I went through my divorce let along did I think this way when we ended and I loved him too. Plus I was with my ex-husband way longer than I was with him and I have known my ex Husband since childhood for over 11 years. I have only known my ex-boyfriend for 2.5years, which is why I do not understand why I feel so strongly for him. I feel as though we are meant to be which is why my heart is so heavy everyday with these feelings for him I know time heals pain, but I do not know how to bear with the pain if we are not meant to be. What is happening to me. Its not like I can't get with anyone else but his, this is sooo not the case. There are a lot of guys that would love to and want to be with me if I said the word of being "single now". Guys that look better and treat me better than my ex-boyfriend has along with making way more money than him, but I do not care about these things as much as it used to matter to me before meeting him. Now that I have met him I could care less how much money he has or how he looks. I would be with him no matter what even if we lived in a cardboard box and was homeless as long as were together is all that would matter to me. This is the type of love I have for my ex-boyfriend. I think my ex boyfriend allowed me to get over my divorce, but I do not want to meet another man just to get over my ex-boyfriend I want him only I don't want anyone else.
Mack05 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You are scared of being alone and you have a VERY unhealthy dependence on him (a total undependable loser, with no ambition, who see's you as a ***** buddy). Get professional help. You have too many issues for any one on this site to help you with..
GorillaTheater Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I know it sounds very crazy, but I really love him and I know he loves me too. I am not crazy at all never had to see a shrink or was considered mentally psychotic. He is the only one that makes me think crazy and go crazy over him. No one has ever made me feel, think or go crazy for them except him. If all of the above is true, then remove yourself from the situation entirely. Total NC with this guy from here on in. If this guy causes, or you permit yourself to consider, thoughts as crazy and destructive as you indicate, bail 100%, for the sake of two and perhaps three people. 3
Zahara Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) If you want to screw up your life, go ahead. No one can stop you. BUT PLEASE, DO NOT bring a child into this unhealthy mess that you choose to create for yourself. I'm so disturbed by this post. And even worse, the way you title this post makes it sound as if it's perfectly alright, it's funny and hey everybody, this is my plan! Speechless. Edited July 24, 2013 by Zahara 2
Author tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 If all of the above is true, then remove yourself from the situation entirely. Total NC with this guy from here on in. If this guy causes, or you permit yourself to consider, thoughts as crazy and destructive as you indicate, bail 100%, for the sake of two and perhaps three people. I don't know how to do no contact with him now. back in oct I wanted so desperately to get a way from him. I didn't have these type of feelings at all I only wanted to get far a way, I still missed him, but refused to contact him. Eventually, he was the one to break contact by calling my mom and emailing me after 2 months of how he wanted to be with me and I will always have his heart. I felt the same way but this time my feelings grew for him even stronger than I have ever felt for anyone and I never showed him..how do you do NC with someone you desperately want to be with.
GorillaTheater Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 how do you do NC with someone you desperately want to be with. By realizing that you're toxic for each other. And you are, by any objective standard.
iouaname Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Forget it. Pretend that you never even entertained this idea, because it's a bad one.
Author tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” I love this quote and this is exactly how I feel. This advice has helped me realize that he is the one that don't deserve me and not the other way around. By me thinking this spiteful is a disgrace to myself and I just had a mental break-thru by not ever wanted to be with him or see ever again. We had a trip planned in two months for four days in another country but I have decided this very moment that I do not want to go and it is best to give my ticket away since I know he will not give his away. Its as if he wants me to go crazy over him and I will not ever let a man have this much control of my life other than God. Thank you all for the not so kind advice and for those of you who just kept it real in a nice way to me.
stillafool Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Now I am so desperate to keep him and to make him fall in love with me all over again that I want to get "accidentally pregnant" by my ex. Are you kidding me??? I can't stand women who try to trap a man into being with them. Honey if you can't get him to love you on your own, please do not subject an innocent child into your scheme. It's very ugly. 1
Keenly Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” I love this quote and this is exactly how I feel. This advice has helped me realize that he is the one that don't deserve me and not the other way around. By me thinking this spiteful is a disgrace to myself and I just had a mental break-thru by not ever wanted to be with him or see ever again. We had a trip planned in two months for four days in another country but I have decided this very moment that I do not want to go and it is best to give my ticket away since I know he will not give his away. Its as if he wants me to go crazy over him and I will not ever let a man have this much control of my life other than God. Thank you all for the not so kind advice and for those of you who just kept it real in a nice way to me. You do realize this woman was a drug addict that banged married men.... not really a fantastic role module. And I am tired of girls using this quote to justify being selfish, being a bitch, having an attitude, or just plain being a sociopath. Go get help before you ruin a mans life for your own selfish desires. This is so juvenile. 3
Joyvke Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I know it sounds very crazy, but I really love him and I know he loves me too. I am not crazy at all never had to see a shrink or was considered mentally psychotic. He is the only one that makes me think crazy and go crazy over him. No one has ever made me feel, think or go crazy for them except him. It's not crazy, it's freaking pathetic to bind a man to you by getting pregnant. Not only for him, but for the child too. "Yea I have conceived you only to keep my boyfriend with me, sorry kid". Plus it gives us other females who aren't so pathetic to abuse the right to get pregnant a bad name as well. Seriously. Get over yourself. Also it's not in "God's hands" it's in his hands and he doesn't want it at all. As much as that sucks for you, I know the feeling all too well when someone just abandons you.
CorridorE Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) Obviously it would be wrong for her to try and go through with this, but love can make a person want to very crazy things and think irrationally. Being down-right mean isn't going to solve anything... she needs guidence, not more heartache. Hopefully she'll speak to a professional or at least a clear-thinking friend who can show some kindness and help her make the right decisions. Edited July 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
lop98 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I knew what this would be like just by reading prego and not pregnant on the title... 1
Joyvke Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) Obviously it would be wrong for her to try and go through with this, but love can make a person want to very crazy things and think irrationally. Being down-right mean isn't going to solve anything... she needs guidence, not more heartache. Hopefully she'll speak to a professional or at least a clear-thinking friend who can show some kindness and help her make the right decisions. Thing is, that is not love. Love is something else and not a selfish act as such. Edited July 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Drseussgrrl Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 ... and I also find it incredibly disturbing just how much of themselves these young girls will sacrifice just to keep some d-bag around. I mean - herpes? Single motherhood? Antidepressants? Jesus. 1
Author tryingtofindmyway24 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 It'd be nice if everyone could stop calling the OP disgusting, sick in the head, and "a joke."... Obviously it would be wrong for her to try and go through with this, but love can make a person want to very crazy things and think irrationally. Being down-right mean isn't going to solve anything... she needs guidence, not more heartache. Hopefully she'll speak to a professional or at least a clear-thinking friend who can show some kindness and help her make the right decisions. It wasn't a joke and I know it was sick that's why I posted on here because this boy (not man) was driving me to the point of no return. As I have mentioned this before I have not ever tried to do such a thing to anyone let myself. I just needed words of encouragement not pure mean comments. Thank you for saying this because that is exactly how I feel about my love for him, but when speaking to my mom who is my rock and praying to God to remove these cruel thoughts. I now know that it is best to stay clear of him because I should not have to keep a man that claims he loves or loved me, if this were the case he would want to stay because he does love me not leave and try to test our love. #nottheguyforme
CorridorE Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Thing is, that is not love. Love is something else and not a selfish act as such. Some people (while perhaps immaturely) are selfish while they are in love, because everyone feels and veiws love differently, and selfishness in itself can be a personality trait. Yes, she has things about herself to work on, but I don't think we should be so critical. Maybe she will figure out what it truly means to love someone later in life, but for now we are supposed to be here to help not make a bad decision, and that won't happen with brutal name-calling... Tough love, yes, but some of these comments have been down-right mean and would be painful for anyone to hear about themselves... and I think that's wrong. 1
Recommended Posts