What do I say to this text?!?

July 24, 2013

omg thank you all so much! I think that if I hadn't posted here and received your replies I would have done my head in and sent some stupid **** over the text. I felt strong through your correspondence and you have really helped me.

You are right. No more communication. With guys like this it has to end at some point and ideally it should end when there is some dignity and heart left in tact.

Like I said I wish I got out earlier. It has only been 6 weeks since he really started "emotionally manipulating me"

6 weeks too long!

There is someone out there for me who will Want to see me and be with me! even more than sleep. He will want to eat with me and maybe even train with me! ...

6 weeks may seem like a long time, but you were giving him the benefit of the doubt. It's only reasonable, so don't beat yourself up.

You do deserve better... and you'll find it. Don't worry and stay strong. If you feel tempted to contact him, remember this:

If you keep talking to him, you will not be available to the right man when he comes along!

July 24, 2013

Say nothing. He doesn't deserve it.

If after a year of devoting yourself to him he cannot even be straight-forward with you (i.e. not string you along), he's not even a decent human being, let alone partner. How cruel.

The last time experienced this sort of thing was when communication from a guy went from pretty constant each day to inconsistent, if at all. He was the one who pursued me initially,so it was strange. Luckily, we had only been dating for a little less than a month, and when I began reciprocating feelings, he began pulling away. It still, hurt, though.

July 24, 2013

OP, all you need to remember is that ANY man or woman that is interested will MAKE TIME to at least reach out (texts take mere seconds) no matter how busy they claim they are.

July 24, 2013

You are all 100% correct!

I think I would have walked away sooner had he not told me that he proposed more to me last year.

I do not remember, apparently it was after a night where we met up on the town so i had been drinking. He reckon he had told me he had feelings for me and at that time I had knocked him back.

Now first of all, it is lame to approach me at a time like that, clearly inappropriate. He should have said his feeling to me whilst we were in sober daylight.

I voiced my feelings (which had developed) this year and he started blaming me for knocking him back. he has been blaming me ever since. Playing the victim so to speak. It was very clever because it left me feeling like I should not reject again ....grrrrr ... he had me on a hook.

I am now left wondering, only out of curiosity, did he realise what he was doing? do men realise that this is what they are doing? are they really that calculated? if he did then boy I feel dumb! but if this is just how it played out then hmmmmmm ....

July 24, 2013

I know it's really hard, but try not to over think everything. Just take the good memories and the lessons learnt and move on.

That does take time.

So in the mean time go and do stuff you really enjoy. Exercise is great, makes you feel good and if you feel like it there is nothing like a good cry while out for a long run (wear some sun glasses hehe). But go hang out with friends, see a good movie or do hobbies that you really enjoy. Just try and not get into the situation for the next few days (or possibly weeks) where you are just at home doing nothing by yourself feeling sad for long extended periods of time.

Don't message him. Because then you will be back to square one and have to get over him all over again. It isn't going to work out. He has made it VERY clear you are not really even on the list of priorities let alone at the top. This is very unlikely to change!!!

Good luck! On to bigger and better things

July 24, 2013

Thank-you Kassy! I already volunteer on Sundays to take kids with autism sailing and I have 2 holidays to go on in the next few weeks. One to Singapore to see a Concert (a band he introduced me to funnily enough) and a ski trip with my bestie. I also have a friend from Germany visiting for a few weeks and I will certainly get back into running and exercising. I have all the outlets there to get on with things and I suppose the best thing at this point is he will no longer distract me from the special moments that the next few months will provide. I have wiped him away. I have more important things to do!

July 24, 2013

I make a promise not to make contact with this person again.

I have better things to focus on. Things that return reward and happiness. He failed at both. Message received!

xx

July 24, 2013

Sounds like the right attitude and what an exciting few months you have coming up! Who knows you might meet a hottie or two along the way ;-)

Have a great time and don't look back!

July 24, 2013

I've dealt with this kind of behavior before, from a guy I really liked. The honest truth was that he just wasn't all that into me. He sucked at communicating, and he was very avoidant. We had a lot of fun together and had some really deep conversations, and we hung out a lot. I thought we were going somewhere, and I was starting to fall in love with him. Then BAM! He starts flaking out for entire weekends. He doesn't respond to my texts. I get irritated, as I prefer honest communication.

I told him that if he did not want to see me any longer, then all he had to do as tell me. He said "I do, I do, I've just been busy." Busy? Too busy to send a 5 second text message? Nonsense. I gave him a couple more chances, and then I went NC with him, after sending him a long message about how immature his behavior was, and how he truly hurt my feelings but that I wouldn't allow him to disrespect me and that I hope he grew up a little bit before starting to date someone else again. This was more for my peace of mind, as I wanted him to know how ****ty I thought what he did to me was.

It did work - he apologized, said that he was going to work on his bull****, told me that I "place too much emphasis on being happy, and that he's miserable a lot of the time, and he doesn't want to put me through that" - whatever that means, and then mentioned the kicker: "I just didn't feel that real spark for you. It's probably nothing to do with you, as you are everything I'm looking for. I think I'm just too emotionally exhausted to feel anything for anyone."

What a bunch of nonsense. I learned from that experience though - if you are doing the chasing, if you are setting up all the dates, if you are putting forth all the effort... there's a reason for that. And that reason is nonsense, because you certainly deserve 100% better than that. Respect yourself and move on from this guy, and allow yourself to heal and find someone who WILL be interested in you enough to give you what you need.

July 24, 2013

I am now left wondering, only out of curiosity, did he realise what he was doing? do men realise that this is what they are doing? are they really that calculated? if he did then boy I feel dumb! but if this is just how it played out then hmmmmmm ....

When the guy makes an agenda to keep you around even if he isnt that into you, then yes, guys will use your feelings against you. Its easy to do when you use feelings to think before logic. he doesnt have to try, because alot of women like the constant challenge of getting the guys attention/heart.

July 24, 2013

I am doing my best now to use my head. It is day 1 since all this has happened. I really want to unblock/undelete him from snapchat because I know he will notice I blocked him and for some stupid reason it makes me feel bad. I will not unblock him though. I have to stick to my decision to wipe him from my life.

I am fighting the urge to text/call and tell him what a jerk he is but of course I won't. It gives him the option to continue communication with me, to keep me on the hook. There is so much I want to say but deep down I know none of it will make a difference.

My speech bubble with no words still stands and that is all he will get. To tell me that he got my texts (which clearly he didn't bother answering) then follow on to say that he intends to see me but falls asleep is downright insulting it makes me want to cry. I feel so insulted. I was really nice to this guy, I never did anything wrong, I was never clingy, he just wasn't that into me and he kept me around to use me. I wasted myself on this person. It makes me furious. I hope this feeling ends :(

He must have told me to text and then not answered on purpose so that he could get this result. He never had the guts to say straight up and that last text he sent me was his "nice" way of letting me down "gently" he had to end with him feeling like he is a good guy and he is not.

I am so angry right now

July 24, 2013

Uh....if he feels that way that is fine, but I mean how effing tired do you have to be to not send a simple text?

He's not all that interested, maybe a little bit but not interested enough to type on a keyboard for three seconds is a demonstration of how he truly feels.

July 24, 2013

I know he is just not that interested in me it simply makes me feel awful and rejected.... I am sure if he were interested then he wouldn't make an excuse like falling asleep. He would try harder to include me in his life. I was just there in the background. I know he's a jerk but it still hurts so much no matter how much I self talk all the things I know.

July 25, 2013

You shouldn't even have his number to text or call him if you wanted to. Just delete it and you won't be tempted.

It is clear to me this guy isn't into you from what you have said. Otherwise he would have made more effort. No point in going down that road, just stop it.

The only way you will truly get over him is to focus on yourself and the things you need to do. Regain your confidence and down the road meet new people but don't fall into the same trap of just letting things drag on when you truly know the guy isn't the right one for you.

July 25, 2013

So the A/hole sends me a snapchat just then even though I had him blocked. It was weird that even though I blocked and deleted him I could still see him in my friends list only he wasn't highlighted. Since opening the snap he has completely disappeared off my list and I would now need to physically re-add him and he would need to accept. I suppose it is a matter of time now before he realizes I have deleted him.

I just can't believe he can write that bull**** text and then send me a picture from his work saying "long day" like we are friends!

Does he not wonder what my speechless bubble was all about?

Grrrrr I want to text him more than ever now.

I want to say something like "do not contact me agsin. Ever" or I got your snap although I blocked/deleted you, I don't know how but please leave me alone.

I dunno! Anything!I took last nights text as rejection from him yet he is all friendly today wtf!!!! I badly want to reject him now! But do it straight up so there are no questioning if I want to continue this relationship with him.

I have to keep reminding myself. Silence speaks volumes.

July 25, 2013

I have deleted his number. Blocked him from Facebook. Blocked him on instagram. Deleted all his texts and photos from my phone. Shame I remember his number in my head

Shall I just send a text and sever the relationship all together or stay silent. I do not know what is best

July 25, 2013

More is less. Dont say anything. If he has to say "I did get your texts" than that means you already looked needy sending too many. Leave this one alone, let him chase you. He probably wont, then you know where you stand. Well... you already know where you stand, this one doesnt look that interested. Keep it moving, dont answer with anything. Silence speaks volumes!

Eddie's advice, for sure. I agree 100%!!! Silence, really does the trick. Trust me! I have learned the hard way myself, over and over.

Just give it a try for a bit. Busy yourself with something else. Seriously. Reading, exercise, movies, shopping, swimming, house cleaning, walking, music, people watching, friends, family, food, anything. Exercise is a good bet though.

Edited July 25, 2013 by Forever Learning

July 25, 2013

"The person who is reading this has just become single."

but silence is really better, so agree with others.

July 25, 2013

I have deleted his number. Blocked him from Facebook. Blocked him on instagram. Deleted all his texts and photos from my phone. Shame I remember his number in my head

Shall I just send a text and sever the relationship all together or stay silent. I do not know what is best

There's no relationship to sever. You don't seem to get that. It's already done. You need to do anything but contact this guy.

Also, your "I'll send three texts in a row, then won't send any more" thing is two too many. Never keep texting -- if they don't reply, don't send anything else for at least several days.

July 25, 2013

There's no relationship to sever. You don't seem to get that. It's already done. You need to do anything but contact this guy.

Also, your "I'll send three texts in a row, then won't send any more" thing is two too many. Never keep texting -- if they don't reply, don't send anything else for at least several days.

I will keep that in mind regarding the 3 texts. You are right, one is enough. If he was interested he would have replied to the first text. period.

It is really hard but I will stay silent. I have thought about what could happen if I do say something..... 1) he texts back more BS and it drags out further 2) he says nothing leaving me on the receiving end of silence and I just know that will drive me crazy because there would be a part of me that would want a reply to whatever I say.

Neither of those outcomes are any good. The best option at this point is say nothing.

Thanks again to everyone who replied ... it has helped

July 25, 2013

Not sure how long this has been going on for but your best bet would be to just respond with ok or its alright. Just have him be the one to contact you next. If he's interested he will.

What? A response that isn't filled with bile, histrionics and rage? A response that doesn't base itself on assumptions, doesn't burn bridges and leaves the door open while maintaining self-respect? Surely you jest.

July 25, 2013

I will keep that in mind regarding the 3 texts. You are right, one is enough. If he was interested he would have replied to the first text. period.

It is really hard but I will stay silent. I have thought about what could happen if I do say something..... 1) he texts back more BS and it drags out further 2) he says nothing leaving me on the receiving end of silence and I just know that will drive me crazy because there would be a part of me that would want a reply to whatever I say.

Neither of those outcomes are any good. The best option at this point is say nothing.

Thanks again to everyone who replied ... it has helped

Every time you have the urge to contact this guy, come back and read your own words. He's a jerk and he's not interested. He probably likes the attention you give him so he keeps you hooked to boost his ego. Don't let him use you like that. He's in your past now

July 25, 2013

Well dammit! He text me. Asked "what are you doing right now?" I didn't answer... i tried to stay firm and then I caved I text and said "sorry for the late reply. I was busy. Friends visiting" which I do have visitors staying with me for the weekend. I am being too nice!! Wtf is wrong with me!?

I tried to get on here for reinforcement first from my ph. I am out and Internet connection was bad. I shouldn't have text anything

Hmmmmm grrrrrr I have deleted his text...

July 25, 2013

Well dammit! He text me. Asked "what are you doing right now?" I didn't answer... i tried to stay firm and then I caved I text and said "sorry for the late reply. I was busy. Friends visiting" which I do have visitors staying with me for the weekend. I am being too nice!! Wtf is wrong with me!?

I tried to get on here for reinforcement first from my ph. I am out and Internet connection was bad. I shouldn't have text anything

Hmmmmm grrrrrr I have deleted his text...

Ok Kizza. Don't beat yourself up.

From now on, NO MORE. He's just yanking your chain to see if you're still at the end of it.

Time to stop being a good doggy and cut yourself free.

July 25, 2013

Well dammit! He text me. Asked "what are you doing right now?" I didn't answer... i tried to stay firm and then I caved I text and said "sorry for the late reply. I was busy. Friends visiting" which I do have visitors staying with me for the weekend. I am being too nice!! Wtf is wrong with me!?

I tried to get on here for reinforcement first from my ph. I am out and Internet connection was bad. I shouldn't have text anything

Hmmmmm grrrrrr I have deleted his text...

At least you didn't jump and respond with, "Nothing, would you like to hang out?" Or anything to that effect. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Moving forward, stop responding. Cut him loose. I've experienced these type of men. They always come back sniffing like a dog to a bone, and for all the wrong reasons.

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