My ex girlfriend broke up with me a month ago, the pain is unbearable

[kadjit]

Hey everybody,

I dated my ex for two years, she's 21 and i'm 22, she broke up a month ago because we were arguing to much and weren't really happy, this was one week before we were going on a vacation for three weeks together! But she still agreed to go on vacation with me. When we were on vacation everything went well, it was even like we were back together... Everything felt good, we were having the time of our lives. We even made love a couple of times, and everytime it happened she told me it couldn't happen again, but everytime it happened over and over again.

 

Then the last day we were on vacation she started crying because she was going to miss us together, she said she was going to have a hard time. But again if she's crying about me, why did she broke up with me then... She told me that we couldn't be together anymore at our home country like we did on this vacation...

 

The first week after our vacation, we where back at our lives, we started seeing eachother a lot the first days (she even slept next to me for one night, but nothing happened). She kept telling me that we would see what would happen in the future, I agreed. Then the day after she went to her best friend(girl), from then it was like she ignored me. So i asked her to meet and talk about it. She told me she had thought a lot about our situation and she decided that it was not good that we kept seeing eachother, that we have to shorten the communication line and live our own lives, and get our own lives back on track, and that it is not a pause(a break), but a real break up... I I kept agreeing with everything she said, and said she was right, but deep inside me i was burning, my heart was crushed at once... I kept agreeing because i didn't want to plead and beg for her love...

So now i don't know what to do, i just really want her back. I hope someone can give me some advice or some insight...

[Philosoraptor]

All you can do now is accept what she said and take care of yourself. Keep busy, take up new hobbies, join a club, and just allow yourself to heal. Sometimes it takes quite awhile to heal, so give it time and just take care of yourself.

[kadjit]

Is it possible to get her back? By having NC or having contact again after a couple of weeks? Because she told me she still has feelings for me but the relationship just couldn't continue...

[Philosoraptor]

Anything can happen, sure. But if you want to do the best for either situation just concentrate on yourself and moving on. That way if she doesn't come back you'll have already started moving forward, and if somehow she does there'll be no loss by working on yourself.

[unexpectedlyhere]

My boyfriend of over six years recently broke up with me, before he went he'd talked about a break and I said I didn't believe in taking breaks. Eventually he did choose breaking up over trying to work on the relationship with me. That's his choice and as much as I would love for him to have stayed, you can't make them stay. It's the same for your girlfriend: she has thought about it and chosen not to stay. It's very tempting to think "What if I'd begged more, promised change, offered a break?" but in the end of the day she didn't want to give it a try and there is very little you could have done about that.

 

Now think about yourself again, cultivate your identity, think of who you want to be. If the crisis was just temporary, she'll be impressed by the person she sees when she comes back. No use in doing it for her though, you've got to do it for you.

 

It's hard to motivate yourself and start I think but it's essential to love yourself more before you ask of someone else to love you.

[kadjit]

Thanks for the advice... I hope time will solve all of this, either the pain or our relationship... I'm going to try to work on myself, because i'm a trainwreck now