SteveC80 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 You get friendzoned the minute a women meets you and doesnt find you physically attractive no reason to overanalyze it and think you should have done or said something different.
Author irc333 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 This is a company town, and the region is historically depressed economically.... with associated social issues that go along with that. The available men reflect the multi-generational issues that accompany many factory towns and economically depressed areas... Lets just put it that way. So...are you in the same line of work as the rest of the community?
New User Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 ...... If friendship is unacceptable or wasted effort to him, then that reflects poorly on him and his values.... Silly. What is "instructive" is your belief that it's a poor reflection on someone to refuse to continue in a relationship with someone that isn't giving them what they want out of said relationship. This isn't seeing her as an object or any of the other nonsense- it's just recognizing that you want different things and letting go. It really is that simple. It has nothing whatsoever to do with values and attempting to portray it that way is trying to turn the really simple into the nonsensically complex.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Silly. What is "instructive" is your belief that it's a poor reflection on someone to refuse to continue in a relationship with someone that isn't giving them what they want out of said relationship. This isn't seeing her as an object or any of the other nonsense- it's just recognizing that you want different things and letting go. It really is that simple. It has nothing whatsoever to do with values and attempting to portray it that way is trying to turn the really simple into the nonsensically complex. Then leave the concept of "friend" out of it. If a woman says she wants to be "friends," maybe she means it and maybe she's just trying to let a guy down easy. Sometimes, there's enough there to be friends. I hope that if a guy actually really liked a girl (and wasn't basically looking for sex), that would be the case. Potentially, anyway.
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 There he went and wasted his entire weekend on something that was never going to happen. Was his fault for having such an expectation, and not lettin git be known from the GET GO....but I didn't understand why she had to sleep in the same quarters as him? Because it was more comfortable than a tent? Basically, he offered her comforts as bait, and hoped to reel her in. He failed. What he should have done is offered his camper--but only on the condition that she share his bed. I guarantee that would have cleared up the situation from the "get go".
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Silly. What is "instructive" is your belief that it's a poor reflection on someone to refuse to continue in a relationship with someone that isn't giving them what they want out of said relationship. This isn't seeing her as an object or any of the other nonsense- it's just recognizing that you want different things and letting go. It really is that simple. It has nothing whatsoever to do with values and attempting to portray it that way is trying to turn the really simple into the nonsensically complex. I personally think there's something wrong with a person who attempts say there's something wrong with a man for NOT wanting to be just "buddies' with a woman. As soon as he finds out nothing romantic will happen, he WILL move on to find a woman that will give him what he wants and not spend much time with a woman who won't want romance. Sure, he may maintain an occasional contact with her on an acquaintance level, but nothing more...there's only so many hours in a day to prioritize who is really worth spending time with.
New User Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Then leave the concept of "friend" out of it. If a woman says she wants to be "friends," maybe she means it and maybe she's just trying to let a guy down easy. Sometimes, there's enough there to be friends. I hope that if a guy actually really liked a girl (and wasn't basically looking for sex), that would be the case. Potentially, anyway. I don't really get your point- you're describing exactly the approach I take- minus conflating romantic/relationship interest with just wanting sex. I can't help but be amused at the continued attempts on here to both deny the existance of the friendzone while simultaneously suggesting or implying that there is a character flaw inherent in any man who is unwilling to continue being in a relationship with a woman on different terms than he wants. That's an exceptionally silly suggestion. Why on earth should I maintain a different type of relationship than I want? More importantly- why on earth would anyone be so judgemental as to suggest not doing so implies that he views a woman as a goal and jump to asinine conclusions about character? That is one of the silliest things I have ever heard.
love4menotu Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I'm going through the aftermath of a pretty horrible breakup. Both my male and female friends have helped me understand and get through this really rough time. There is one special man who has really been there for me. I've told him that once I get through / over this, he's in trouble. But for now, I have nothing to offer. And he's fine with that. He's not pathetic or ready to pounce on me in any way. I'm sorry, but we are all just human beings, not all ready for a relationship at the same time. If my friend is with someone else by the time I'm ready to date, then that's my bad luck. Or bad timing. I personally admire people who consider my feelings, and do not pressure me. I'm grateful for his presence in my life, regardless. 1
nescafe1982 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) I don't really get your point- you're describing exactly the approach I take- minus conflating romantic/relationship interest with just wanting sex. I can't help but be amused at the continued attempts on here to both deny the existance of the friendzone while simultaneously suggesting or implying that there is a character flaw inherent in any man who is unwilling to continue being in a relationship with a woman on different terms than he wants. That's an exceptionally silly suggestion. Why on earth should I maintain a different type of relationship than I want? More importantly- why on earth would anyone be so judgemental as to suggest not doing so implies that he views a woman as a goal and jump to asinine conclusions about character? That is one of the silliest things I have ever heard. New_User You misunderstand my point. It is not that a man who wants something other than friendship with a woman should just buck-up and settle for "just friends." By all means, if there is not enough of a relationship there for a friendship to be meaningful for him, then he should back off once he hears those magical words. Because at that point, the chance for romance is really nil. I do judge men who *habitually* avoid friendships and platonic relationships with women... but this is a topic for another day, not totally relevant to this discussion. Just related, tangentially, because those guys are typically the ones most likely to use the word "friendzone" in conversation. (Yes, there's a difference between walking away from one woman, and walking away habitually. But as I said, my judgement of the latter is a tangential point, not wholly relevant to this discussion). BUT- my problem with the idea of "friendzoning" is that it implies a woman did something wrong by offering her friendship, and not consenting to "more" than that. It's a useless term that is at best a redundancy and at worst conveys a really problematic attitude of male entitlement.... sort of like the time honored "nice guy." Maybe for some, it's just a term they use to save face after a romantic rebuff. But rebuffs happen. Why do we need to use nasty, value-laden terms for them? Call them what they are.... and then decide whether that woman you've been pursuing is worth being friends with. If not, well then you have your answer. Edited July 28, 2013 by nescafe1982
callingyouuu Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 BUT- my problem with the idea of "friendzoning" is that it implies a woman did something wrong by offering her friendship, and not consenting to "more" than that. It's a useless term that is at best a redundancy and at worst conveys a really problematic attitude of male entitlement.... sort of like the time honored "nice guy." I just think of the friendzone as a state in which person A considers person B to be nothing more than a friend. To me, it is neither a positive nor negative thing. It is just a colloquial way of describing the state of a relationship between two people. Persons A/B can be men or women; I (straight male) have certainly done it to a number of women I have met, and I have also been on the receiving end. That's how I've always considered the friendzone, so you can imagine how surprised I am to hear it referred to as a relic of male entitlement. Am I just in the minority in how I think about it? Plus, the word itself implies that a woman's friendship is completely without value. Which is a big part of the reason I hate it so much. I don't know if I agree. I feel like the phrase limits the future of the relationship to friendship but doesn't make any comment on the value of the offered friendship.
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