fidel_03 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Hey guys, 7 months ago I started dating a girl. We fell madly in love. We'd talk for hours and see each other several times a week. She took my virginity a few months in (I'm 25). She told me she loved me, I was best thing to ever happen to her, etc. She kept asking when I would propose. Eventually, she became more and more distant studying for MCAT. She eventually would go days without talking to me. She didn't act different when I saw her, which dwindled to once a week, so I was confused. I try reasoning with her but she says I was being too clingy and needy. Mind you, I talked to her maybe three or four times a week. I saw her maybe once a week at this point. We stopped having sex too. She takes her MCAT and I don't see or talk to her for days afterwards. Fed up, I break up with her (I should've seen her. She is on summer break). We fight for a couple days about it, and I try to win her back and told her I made a mistake. She said we would stay broken up. She asked for her things back and to talk. She comes over crying, says she still loves me and wants to get back together eventually but not right away. She asks for space. She left her things at my house. We go a month no contact. I finally contact her and she says its best if we end things and refuses to talk to me or give me closure. Side note: A mutual friend said she has been talking to a guy out of state and it seems they might date or be dating. It's only been a month since she's broken up and we were obviously serious. Questions: She's just rebounding, right? Why didn't no contact work in this situation? Is there a chance I could win her back (if I wanted to)? What are your general thoughts? What should I do?
LostOne1 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 NC wouldn't work if you're the dumper. Maybe she feels hurt and felt rejected by you. So now she has another guy on the side and has a choice now. Hate to say it pal, but you screwed yourself over dumping her and then trying to get her back. If she likes someone else.. you lose. Because that shows her some other guy values her and you don't.. if you did you wouldn't have dumped her. My guess is just leave it alone. If you made it clear you want her back, and she says no then it's over. I'd say let her know you want her back and then let it go. The ball will be in her court after and if she wants to take you back she will contact you. But don't sit there and expect anything... 2
Author fidel_03 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) You're right. She said I hurt her ego and pride. I agree, dumping her was a bad move. I will leave her alone and move on. EDIT: During the NC, she told her brother we would work out as a couple if I quit being needy and if I contacted her, since I was the one who broke up with her. Edited July 24, 2013 by fidel_03
jesse93 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 yea man, suggestion to you if you want a chance with this girl again stop talking to her completely you have to let a girl run to you girls don't like when you go running to them begging for them back (not saying you did) but you have to make her miss you give her no contact and if she tries to call or text just tell her your simply "busy" show her that you can be happy with out her and i believe she will come running back to your arms. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Here's my view.. You were right to dump her and you should of stayed broken up to see if she'd change or not. Clearly, she was checking out of that relationship or had lost interest in you. You don't stop seeing someone all the time, stop having sex with someone you're really into. I think you saw this and that's why you dumped her. At this point, disappear from her life and move on. Don't contact her again or you will look desperate, clingy and needy. Find someone new when you're ready who wants to be w/you vs. someone who didn't at the end (your ex). 1
thompkevin Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 NC wouldn't work if you're the dumper. Maybe she feels hurt and felt rejected by you. So now she has another guy on the side and has a choice now. Hate to say it pal, but you screwed yourself over dumping her and then trying to get her back. If she likes someone else.. you lose. Because that shows her some other guy values her and you don't.. if you did you wouldn't have dumped her. My guess is just leave it alone. If you made it clear you want her back, and she says no then it's over. I'd say let her know you want her back and then let it go. The ball will be in her court after and if she wants to take you back she will contact you. But don't sit there and expect anything... I think No-contact can still work even if you are the dumper. But in this case, yes he did screw it. But if he wants to get back together, there is still hope if he continues with no-contact.
xilver Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Hey guys, She took my virginity a few months in (I'm 25). We stopped having sex too. Have more sex, you are not getting any younger.
Author fidel_03 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I think No-contact can still work even if you are the dumper. But in this case, yes he did screw it. But if he wants to get back together, there is still hope if he continues with no-contact. How so? Was it by contacting her? She told a friend of hers and her brother that she wasn't going to contact me because I was the one who dumped her. She wanted me to initiate contact, which I didn't do for a month. I initiated NC with her to dispell the notion that I am needy. I also wanted to give her some space and time to realize what she is missing. Nothing more. I also found out she has been having a really hard time with the breakup. She says her life has been a wreck and that she is not over me. She's keeping busy and has apparently been wondering how I've been handling it. She's asked me not to text her and says it's over, so I don't have much of a choice now but to leave her alone. It's just strange: I've never had a girl not come running back or talk to me at all. Every girl has wanted a second chance or to talk again.
aloneinaz Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 How so? Was it by contacting her? She told a friend of hers and her brother that she wasn't going to contact me because I was the one who dumped her. She wanted me to initiate contact, which I didn't do for a month. I initiated NC with her to dispell the notion that I am needy. I also wanted to give her some space and time to realize what she is missing. Nothing more. I also found out she has been having a really hard time with the breakup. She says her life has been a wreck and that she is not over me. She's keeping busy and has apparently been wondering how I've been handling it. She's asked me not to text her and says it's over, so I don't have much of a choice now but to leave her alone. It's just strange: I've never had a girl not come running back or talk to me at all. Every girl has wanted a second chance or to talk again. It could be as simple as her wanting you to reach back out to her after dumping her only for her to reject YOU. Trust me, there's plenty of folks out there like that. If she really wanted you back, don't you think she would have contacted you? Come on.. Women and men make it very clear when they want someone back and do it themselves. So.. where you stand now is to ignore her moving forward, leave her alone, put her in the rear view mirror and move on. Date when you're ready. You're too young to not be out and about looking for your next relationship.
Author fidel_03 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) It could be as simple as her wanting you to reach back out to her after dumping her only for her to reject YOU. Trust me, there's plenty of folks out there like that. If she really wanted you back, don't you think she would have contacted you? Come on.. Women and men make it very clear when they want someone back and do it themselves. So.. where you stand now is to ignore her moving forward, leave her alone, put her in the rear view mirror and move on. Date when you're ready. You're too young to not be out and about looking for your next relationship. I'll move on. As far as for when I see her, which I will since our families are friends, what do I do? I've read that I should be happy and confident, as if I've completely moved on. I should keep it short with her too, I know. I've followed this advice so far. But there was one time after we broke up where I didn't say hi and it ruined her night, according to friends. And the thing is, I want her to be upset. Edited July 24, 2013 by fidel_03
Bozena Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 What are you talking about? Why you try to put the blame on you. Of course this girl wanted to break up with you that is why she didn't see you or call you. But when you told her first, you hurt her ego. But this doesn't mean that she was still in love with you. She would have done it first if you didn't. I am pretty positive about it
flitzanu Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 NC "failed" because you don't understand what it is for and tried to use it as manipulation.
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