sunshine001 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Hi everyone, I have recently started dating a really nice guy. We both have much in common and share a lot of common interests. The truth is that this guy has been into me since the day he saw me and was enamoured and all. He even tried to give me a light kiss on the lips on our first date but I stopped him. After that I did not want to date him as that was a big red flag for me but gave him another chance. The reason I gave him another chance is because he is artistic and a little intense hence thought it would be worth a try. He behaved himself on our second date and everything went great! After that we went on a date 4-5 times and every time it has been nice. We have made out but no sex. Sometimes he mentions about having a sleepover at my place or at his place and I am like "It's been only 2 weeks. I don't want to move that fast!" or sometimes he looks at me like am completely undressed but dressed and I ask him to stop. I do not want to move that fast but he insists that he is completely ready and emotionally available and doesn't mind moving fast. How should I approach this situation?
InsaneTrombone Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Just tell him you want to take things a little slower. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Just explain and express how you feel and would like things to go...your boundaries and comfort level and that you're not looking to rush into sex or get ahead of yourself, that you'd like some time to get to know him better and develop a stronger emotional bond or whatever the hell you want to say that is how you genuinely feel, I'm just giving you an example. The guy is lusting you like crazy though and can't wait to get into your pants from the sound of it, so you'll have to communicate and keep him under control a bit like a dog being as patient as he can be until you throw the ball. The guy is horny and is completely honed in on a sexual relationship and soon, he may not be the right guy for you in terms of compatibility or willing to be that patient, he may be frustrated and disappointed before then, so I'm not sure if you're going to get the blinders to come off until he gets it, and in which case you'll kind of find out how he really feels about you. He obviously moves at a different pace than you do in dating, it's going to come down to whether you are compatible enough and share the same views in order to continue on...he has to want to do this with you, but he may not have the patience to, which is honestly understandable for younger guys especially but he's probably not ready for a relationship either If I had to take a guess from his behavior...even though he's still seeing you and behaving because he has to, I'm not sure how realistically he is getting to know you until sex is apart of the dynamic...and some men/women are just that way, it's an important aspect of the relationship but often enough with men it's just because they really want some and thinking beyond that is nearly impossible until they get that monkey off their back.
FitChick Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Don't see him four or five times a week. Once on the weekend and once mid-week. He is counting the dates thinking he will hit a magic number and for him, if it's 10, he will do 10 dates in row rather than waiting five weeks for the ten dates. Don't let him come to your place and don't go to his. Meet him somewhere. Take an evening class during the week, go to the gym, invite a friend or relative over, etc. Always have something else you are doing instead of always being available for him. 3
Jbum5 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Maybe he's being a really nice guy because he thinks it will get things moving at the speed of light. Just saying.
Mr_Flay Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Maybe he's being a really nice guy because he thinks it will get things moving at the speed of light. Just saying. Might be. Below is one big clue: Hi everyone, sometimes he looks at me like am completely undressed but dressed and I ask him to stop. This is the stuff of PUA literature. Who knows, maybe he's just scared that you'll dump him after the second date for not exuding enough sexuality. This is hammered into guys on every site with dating advice, that they have to "be sexual", otherwise the girl will quickly lose interest. 1
TheGuard13 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or (gasp) he's attracted and turned on by her. 1
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