Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) Hello Everyone! Just found this site randomly and I thought I give it a try to get some feedback from some of you people. Here is the dilemma; I have been talking to this girl for about five to six month; we talk to each other daily, I'm a busy guy so I don't normally call mostly text when I get the chance but either way we talk daily. When we hangout (once every 2-3 weeks) we don't spend an hour or two or three, we spend the whole day together. From morning or afternoon till night. Of course she knows I'm interested (She always says how good I treat her however she also treats me really good why i treat her good right back) but, I'm not the type of guy who jumps into relationships until I really get to know the woman. Recently I developed strong feelings for this girl and it keeps getting stronger. I can easily say I'm falling in love with her, after getting to know her and spending time with her , shes basically everything I been looking for in a girl, in my eyes shes perfect. Well i told her exactly how i felt about her about her and what I want from this because I wanted things to go to into a relationship; her response was "I just don't have those feelings" I was shocked, I just don't understand. I really like this girl and I don't just want to walk away. Did I do something wrong here? does she need time ? or shes simply not interested? Can her background play a role in this ? Her first boyfriend (2 and half years) cheated on her, abused her, mistreated. Her last boyfriend (2years together) basically walked out on her and didn't give closure Shes been single for about 2 years now Would love to get an idea from you guy's. Edited July 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator crossing posting in forums
Adele0908 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I think she's just not interested. Maybe she sees you as more of a friend. You could always ask her what her hangups are. Find out what's stopping her from being with you. Ultimately, you have to let her choose you, if you want a relationship with her. So it would be a good idea to back off and let her miss you for a while.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You're probably a nice guy and all but not one that she has very strong feelings about. Judging from her history, it's possible she tried to do something a little different and date a guy a bit different and more responsible, but she's probably still hung up on guys of the past. You can't do anything wrong when it comes to emotions, they're either there or they are not. She's probably got some more soul searching to do and personal issues to work out, as far now you might be the most stable relationship she's had thus far but this is definitely something you should move on from if you have high expectations of strong emotions, at best she's going to love you some day but not be in love with you...a consolation prize at best (which works for some relationships), by now her feelings would have been present and apparent if she was very interested and emotionally compelled by you so I wouldn't expect that can change, she can only learn to love you and care about you a bit more, but not be in-love with you....you can't force that or manipulate someone into feeling that way about you. 1
The Introvert Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I think her background has affected big time and she has raised standards to protect herself from jerks. It appears as if you are a likely candidate but you still have to sweat your ass more.....maybe you are better off as friends.
Kizza Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 She may just love your personality, love being treated decently and enjoy your company. Talking to someone over text everyday is easy to do platonically, there are plenty of guys I talk to on a friendship level every day but I have no romantic interest in them. Only spending one day out of 2-3 weeks is not much quality time in each others presence. She has been straight up and honest which is a good thing. You have been given your answer. You are in the friend-zone. She does not have romantic feelings for you. She does not feel a physical attraction to you, she does not feel chemistry. I guarantee if a woman feels chemistry she wants that man and would be complaining she does not see him enough being once out of 2-3 weeks. The ball is in your court now. Can you continue being friends? She can, and it is unlikely she will move you out of the friend zone. If you have growing feelings for her then I would send a nice text to let her know that you cannot talk to her anymore because of this and move on. Unrequited love is a horrible situation to be in. I may be in it right now myself, my problem is the object of my affection is not honest and ballsy enough to simply say "I just don't have those feelings" I am still guessing
white Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Had this numerous times. It's what fools call the friendzone. Like you made a mistake or many mistakes and she mentally sorted you out of the potential boyfriend category, into the friend category. That isn't what happens. She just doesn't fancy you and never did. You didn't do anything wrong, you were yourself, as you should be. She doesn't dislike you, everyone likes more friends. She just isn't into you like that. It's possible her history has made her cold, but speculating on it is pointless, the end result is the same to you whether she doesn't fancy you in particular or doesn't want a relationship with anyone. You don't have a time machine to go back and prevent her becoming cold, any more than you can make her want you. The likelihood is that if a man happened into her life tomorrow that for whatever reasons turned her on, all of the bad history and frigidity would disappear and she'd be baking cakes and jumping his bones with a quickness. It probably adds up to not much more than a bunch of lies she tells herself to excuse that she doesn't try to meet anyone and quietly, secretly, enjoys manipulating poor schmucks like yourself into tying themselves in knots over her. The only people I've met who truly put themselves aside from relationships are older widows/widowers.
Chief Wiggum Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You're in the friend-zone, pal. Happens to all of us. Probably best to give up hope of ever bagging her.
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Thanks. She has been honest which is a good thing, she did state that she was was not planning to go in to any relationships anytime soon when I had met her before we even hungout the first time or knew eachother. I just kinda dismissed it. Ah well! And kizza sorry to hear hopefully they man up!
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Nope. Like I said, before we hungout she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship; so if we do hangout its nothing @ that level, I complelty ignored it. First time we hangout I didn't try anything, second time we hungout I tried to get physical and she said "I'm not like that I have morals and unless I'm in a relationship with someone, nothing will happen." how is the chemistry? are you two physical?
Kizza Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Thanks for your kind words Patrick. He did not man up. I have posted tonight about the situation and I have now deleted him from my life. I am not here on this earth to be someones part time, fall back girl... same goes for you. The more time and energy we spend on people who don't treat us special is time taken away from finding that special someone. All the best to you...
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Thanks, I already stopped talking to her before I made this post. I dropped her off last time I was with her and ended the night early. I felt unwated because everytime we have a serious talk her ex's tend to pop up, but she doesn't realize that.
CptSaveAho Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 second time we hungout I tried to get physical and she said "I'm not like that I have morals and unless I'm in a relationship with someone, nothing will happen." and this is where you made your mistake, you listened to her words...ugh every woman on the planet has uttered these words to a guy, its self talk, shes convincing herself one thing while her emotions are say otherwise if you dont persist after this, you will get friendzoned, if your persist after this, 95% of the time if shes still hanging around you, you will be hooking up with her ive even had girls tell me stories of how they slept with total losers that asked one more time and they just agreed
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I'm not sure what your talking about. I didn't listen to her, I tried going in and that's when I was stopped and told that. and this is where you made your mistake, you listened to her words...ugh every woman on the planet has uttered these words to a guy, its self talk, shes convincing herself one thing while her emotions are say otherwise if you dont persist after this, you will get friendzoned, if your persist after this, 95% of the time if shes still hanging around you, you will be hooking up with her ive even had girls tell me stories of how they slept with total losers that asked one more time and they just agreed
CptSaveAho Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) This line here.... I'm not like that I have morals and unless I'm in a relationship with someone, nothing will happen." Biggest bull**** line on the planet... any guy that believes this is a total moron and she knows it You either ignore the comment and tuck it away as "shes talking to herself/convincing herself not me" and try again a few minutes later or you make a witty comment back to drop this wall My favorite would be "I wont get you pregnant" Feel free to make up your own And then continue to lead on from there Edited July 24, 2013 by CptSaveAho
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I did ignore the comment. I went on flirting with her and tried getting closer, didn't work. Body language says it all. And this was early on in the stage.
mortensorchid Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I don't think she's too interested quite honestly. Best way to find out is to ask to see her more than you are already and see how she reacts to the requests.
sdraw108 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 her response was "I just don't have those feelings" I was shocked, I just don't understand. Why were you shocked? She already told you very early on that she doesn't want to get physical unless she's in a relationship, and then turned down any further advances you made. That means she didn't want a relationship, and was upfront about it from the beginning. Did something else happen (to make you think you still had a chance) that you haven't mentioned yet?
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Yes her actions. Last time (just two weeks ago) when I had tried to cut her out I told her I had strong feelings for her and since you don't seem to want anything @ this point in your life then we should stop talking. I can't just be "this guy" that's just waiting around or just be a "friend" or whatever you consider me to be in your world. Her response was I'm REALLY sorry, please I want to make up everything. I don't mean to hurt you. I want to take you out please give me a chance. So I did, she took me out to a place that I liked then took me out to dinner, followed by a gift.I thought that was very sweet cuz the things she did I liked them and she knew about them before. I tried holding her hands to kiss it just to show her that I apprciated her effort and guess what! I got a push back. You tell me LOL Why were you shocked? She already told you very early on that she doesn't want to get physical unless she's in a relationship, and then turned down any further advances you made. That means she didn't want a relationship, and was upfront about it from the beginning. Did something else happen (to make you think you still had a chance) that you haven't mentioned yet?
Author Patrickd12 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Your probobly right. Everything is fine until we start to talk about relationship, she backs away. And somehow her ex's comeup at times. Either she's reeally hurt from past. (Why she says she's not looking to get into a relationship for a long time) and now afraid of anything serious or is an excuse and not interested in anything to do with me. I don't think she's too interested quite honestly. Best way to find out is to ask to see her more than you are already and see how she reacts to the requests.
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