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ex broke no contact and sent me a message, I still like him , should I respond ?

C.Bradley

By C.Bradley
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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C.Bradley Member

C.Bradley

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My ex who broke up with me almost 2 months ago broke no contact yesterday and sent me a long message saying happy birthday multiple times and asking how I'm doing and saying how he hopes my work isn't too busy so I have time to enjoy the summer .

 

I don't want to over think this but a part of me wishes he sent this because he misses me and still likes me. Do you think he sent this because He saw photographs of me having fun without him and is curious about what I'm doing ?

 

Why would he message me ? Do you think he still likes me?

sdraw108 Established Member

sdraw108

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Don't respond. You'll just undo a lot of the moving on you've been doing.

thishatteredsymphony Established Member

thishatteredsymphony

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I think this is just a breadcrumb, sorry to say. :( Maybe not an intentional one on his part, but a breadcrumb nonetheless.

 

I would not suggest answering back to him. If as you say he broke up with you, and you want to get back with him, HE should be telling you straight up he wants to get back together. Anything else is nothing more than breadcrumbs.

xilver Established Member

xilver

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On the surface he is just wishing you happy bday. It's a nice gesture. Just be polite like you would anybody else and thank him. If he likes you he will follow up and it will become more obvious. If you ignore him he will think you are being immature.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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On the surface he is just wishing you happy bday. It's a nice gesture. Just be polite like you would anybody else and thank him. If he likes you he will follow up and it will become more obvious. If you ignore him he will think you are being immature.

 

 

I disagree. I'd ignore him, plain and simple. He dumped you, told you he doesn't want you in his life anymore. You don't owe him a response. It has nothing to do with being civil, immature or anything else. Ignoring him is indifference to his message to you. Who cares what he thinks about whether you reply or not? He's out of your life now for two months. You've been healing and moving on.

 

The other thing is this... would you really entertain getting back with him? He dumped you once, why wouldn't he do it again? My ex broke up with me three times this year. She always apologized after I got her back and said she'd never do it again. The third time she ended it was the last straw for me. Enough.. I didn't trust her after she ended it the first time and got back with her and rightfully so. Do yourself a favor and ignore him and move on w/your life.

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xilver Established Member

xilver

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I disagree. I'd ignore him, plain and simple. He dumped you, told you he doesn't want you in his life anymore. You don't owe him a response. It has nothing to do with being civil, immature or anything else. Ignoring him is indifference to his message to you. Who cares what he thinks about whether you reply or not? He's out of your life now for two months. You've been healing and moving on.

 

The other thing is this... would you really entertain getting back with him? He dumped you once, why wouldn't he do it again? My ex broke up with me three times this year. She always apologized after I got her back and said she'd never do it again. The third time she ended it was the last straw for me. Enough.. I didn't trust her after she ended it the first time and got back with her and rightfully so. Do yourself a favor and ignore him and move on w/your life.

 

Who cares? she does. Just because he thought it was best that they go their separate ways at one point doesn't make him a bad person. People make mistakes in life. Just because you got burned doesn't mean she will. Every relationship is different and the fact is he did something nice by telling her hbd when he didn't have to. Life is too short to hold grudges and be bitter. Sure move on with your life, but it's a myth that replying will set you back. Either way it's going to take you time to completely get over him.

thompkevin Established Member

thompkevin

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Of course he still likes you. And in all probability, he still misses you. You were in a relationship with him, so you were a big part of his life. However, you should not let this ruin you progress. Here's an article that might help.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Who cares? she does. Just because he thought it was best that they go their separate ways at one point doesn't make him a bad person. People make mistakes in life. Just because you got burned doesn't mean she will. Every relationship is different and the fact is he did something nice by telling her hbd when he didn't have to. Life is too short to hold grudges and be bitter. Sure move on with your life, but it's a myth that replying will set you back. Either way it's going to take you time to completely get over him.

 

I'm not giving advice based on my situation what so ever. I'm not bitter nor am I holding any grudges towards my ex. I'm simply indifferent to her as the OP should get to w/her ex. People are ultimately going to do what they want to do. He simply told her happy birthday. He didn't say he missed her and desperately wanted her back. If he does miss her and wants anothe shot, her ignoring this communication will not effect it. He make it MUCH more clear the next time he contacts her.

 

Dumpee's do have power after being rejected and it's not based on grude holding, vindictiveness or anger. It's based on what's best for them and their healing. Our power is silence and indifference to whatever the ex does. They told us they don't want us in their lives which is their right. It's our right to give them that 100%. I've been the dumper in most of my long term relationships. I knew if I truly had no further romantic interest in them, it was best to totally leave them alone so they could move on. I'm friends with all my ex's now but years went by before we caught back up on Facebook and were curious to catch up with each other.

forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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It's a breadcrumb. Keep no contact.

xilver Established Member

xilver

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I'm not giving advice based on my situation what so ever. I'm not bitter nor am I holding any grudges towards my ex. I'm simply indifferent to her as the OP should get to w/her ex. People are ultimately going to do what they want to do. He simply told her happy birthday. He didn't say he missed her and desperately wanted her back. If he does miss her and wants anothe shot, her ignoring this communication will not effect it. He make it MUCH more clear the next time he contacts her.

 

Dumpee's do have power after being rejected and it's not based on grude holding, vindictiveness or anger. It's based on what's best for them and their healing. Our power is silence and indifference to whatever the ex does. They told us they don't want us in their lives which is their right. It's our right to give them that 100%. I've been the dumper in most of my long term relationships. I knew if I truly had no further romantic interest in them, it was best to totally leave them alone so they could move on. I'm friends with all my ex's now but years went by before we caught back up on Facebook and were curious to catch up with each other.

 

You are over thinking it. All he said is happy bday, there is nothing wrong for a dumpee to say thank you and continue going about their life. It shows a lot of strength within yourself to choose the high road throughout life.

Bozena Member

Bozena

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You are over thinking it. All he said is happy bday, there is nothing wrong for a dumpee to say thank you and continue going about their life. It shows a lot of strength within yourself to choose the high road throughout life.

 

I agree.

In any case even if she wants her back she cannot come out of the blue and tell her: oh happy birthday, I missed you I want to be back together.

And no, ignoring him doesn't necessarily means that won't affect how he feels. It might, but it might not. For instance if I have sent to an ex of mine happy birthday and didn't reply I would have thought that he doesn't want me in his life for no reason, so why to send him again.

My opinion is to answer and see how it goes. Of course the fact that he sent you doesn't mean he wants you back. He might just be kind.

my latest philosophy says to follow what we want to do and not say what if. So if you want to answer just answer

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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I agree.

In any case even if she wants her back she cannot come out of the blue and tell her: oh happy birthday, I missed you I want to be back together.

And no, ignoring him doesn't necessarily means that won't affect how he feels. It might, but it might not. For instance if I have sent to an ex of mine happy birthday and didn't reply I would have thought that he doesn't want me in his life for no reason, so why to send him again.

My opinion is to answer and see how it goes. Of course the fact that he sent you doesn't mean he wants you back. He might just be kind.

my latest philosophy says to follow what we want to do and not say what if. So if you want to answer just answer

 

Then we can agree to disagree. Few people can reopen a can of worms after having no contact for that length and not take a big step backwards in their recovery in getting over them. The goal of NC is for the dumpee to heal. Contacting him w/even a THX could then set her back while she waits to see if he responds, if he did then what, etc..

 

Once a dumper dumps someone, its hard to ever trust them again. Similar to when someone cheats on you. If they do it once, they can easily do it again.

jesse93 Established Member

jesse93

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personally, i wouldn't respond because for all you know he could be using it to start some small conversation. saying happy birthday is a nice gesture but it's up to you if you feel its worth responding, personally i don't think i would respond just because you might say "thank you" and then deep down you'll probably hope he messages you back once again telling you how he truly cares for you but if it doesn't happen you'll feel even more down than you did before. But again it could also be just a simple "happy bday" if anything just say a simple "thanks" and thats it don't say anything more than that show him that you are strong with out him.

LME Established Member

LME

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if you're not over him and still want to be with him do not respond, i think it will set you back.

drpepper1886 Established Member

drpepper1886

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I got a "happy birthday" text, I just responded "Thank you." and we haven't talked since. No set backs, not a big deal. No way obligated to wish them a happy birthday on theirs. I didn't.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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You are over thinking it. All he said is happy bday, there is nothing wrong for a dumpee to say thank you and continue going about their life. It shows a lot of strength within yourself to choose the high road throughout life.

 

It has nothing to do with high roads, it's personal comfort and recovery. The last thing the dumpee should be worried about is the feelings of the person who dumped them. Plus, if the dumper wants her back, whether or not she responds to his happy birthday message won't matter to him one iota.

 

You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I wouldnt read too much into it. I would say thank you out of courtesy but not engage him further. He chose not to be your bf so I wouldnt reward him with a conversation or any meaningful slice of your time.

Talulah Established Member

Talulah

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if you're not over him and still want to be with him do not respond, i think it will set you back.

 

I completely agree with this. But if you're posting on LS about whether to respond ornot, then you are not over it.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I disagree. I'd ignore him, plain and simple. He dumped you, told you he doesn't want you in his life anymore. You don't owe him a response. It has nothing to do with being civil, immature or anything else. Ignoring him is indifference to his message to you. Who cares what he thinks about whether you reply or not? He's out of your life now for two months. You've been healing and moving on.

 

The other thing is this... would you really entertain getting back with him? He dumped you once, why wouldn't he do it again? My ex broke up with me three times this year. She always apologized after I got her back and said she'd never do it again. The third time she ended it was the last straw for me. Enough.. I didn't trust her after she ended it the first time and got back with her and rightfully so. Do yourself a favor and ignore him and move on w/your life.

 

People reconcile. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Who knows how many ls members have had better experiences? Happy members tend not to post much.

 

Looking at your post I can see why your situation didnt work. Three times just this year? It sounds like the breaks werent long enough. Your ex didnt have a brush with death. Sounds like she figured she could drop you and get back with you fairly easily and quickly. Please correct me if you feel this is not accurate.:)

 

I know people who broke up but are together now married with kids. Maybe thats why im not as hardline about not taking an ex back.

 

If the op wants to get back with her ex its her decision. I would tell her to 1) hope for the best prepare for the worst 2) allow enough time to pass to where there is opportunity for a fresh new relationship. The old one is dead! 3) still be able to understand and be willing to fix what went wrong 4) get a renewed zest for life and achieve your goals! :D

xilver Established Member

xilver

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It has nothing to do with high roads, it's personal comfort and recovery. The last thing the dumpee should be worried about is the feelings of the person who dumped them. Plus, if the dumper wants her back, whether or not she responds to his happy birthday message won't matter to him one iota.

 

You don't get points for degree of difficulty in recovery.

 

This is small minded Simon. The first thing anyone should be thinking about is themselves. If you don't see how taking the high road is better for your well being then you must be over thinking it too. Don't be so scared when a relationship ends. Face it head on and you will be better for it. You will come to terms with it quicker and be able to move on when the time is right. Sitting back in the dark in fear not knowing will take years off your life.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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This is small minded Simon. The first thing anyone should be thinking about is themselves. If you don't see how taking the high road is better for your well being then you must be over thinking it too. Don't be so scared when a relationship ends. Face it head on and you will be better for it. You will come to terms with it quicker and be able to move on when the time is right. Sitting back in the dark in fear not knowing will take years off your life.

 

What in God's name are you blathering about? You don't get points for taking a high road -- that road doesn't exist in this situation. You are cowtowing to a person that dumped you and doing a song and dance instead of looking out for yourself and your own well-being. Your thinking is backwards, at least in the initial stages of the breakup. If you are actually recovered, then sure, send something. But doing it before is playing with fire.

Edited by Simon Phoenix
xilver Established Member

xilver

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What in God's name are you blathering about? You don't get points for taking a high road -- that road doesn't exist in this situation. You are cowtowing to a person that dumped you and doing a song and dance instead of looking out for yourself and your own well-being. Your thinking is backwards, at least in the initial stages of the breakup. If you are actually recovered, then sure, send something. But doing it before is playing with fire.

 

I thought I spelled it out pretty good.

 

By taking the high road you will come to terms with the break up quicker and in a much healthier way. This will be beneficial to YOU. The dumpee. This isn't a game, this is life so I don't know why you are talking about points.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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I thought I spelled it out pretty good.

 

By taking the high road you will come to terms with the break up quicker and in a much healthier way. This will be beneficial to YOU. The dumpee. This isn't a game, this is life so I don't know why you are talking about points.

 

I'm just going to agree to disagree.

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