pinstripe Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Guys girls, I would love to hear your thoughts on this. So I've known this girl for a few months, she works at a bar I go to every weekend, she is the friendly type, casual nature, social and vary good looking. When she first started working at the the bar, before even saying a word to her, I was able to tell she was into me, later that night I introduced myself and got to know her, just like I know all the other staff and regulars at the bar. After 4 weeks from when she started working I asked her out, on a Saturday we went on a casual date during the day to the water front for a few hours before she started her shift. I would say the date was more relaxed, talking about family, friends, and growing up. Usually the first dates I go on are more up beat fun and lots of laughing. The date was casual natured, 2 people getting to know each other on a more personal level. I did try to liven the date up but I think I was a little late and should have started the date as fun, right from the beginning, my fault. As we were walking back to my car I made the move, we lightly kissed, (Me being a guy, I would have kicked myself in the ass later if I didn't try) and she said "thank you I had a really nice time". After we were in my car, I was driving her to work, but in my head I knew things were not right, we still continued to chat, at the same time I was worried about getting her to work on time, the traffic was really bad. I decided to drop her off at the corner because it was faster for her to walk the rest of the way. Once I stop, she said " thanks I had a nice time". and got out. No hug, no kiss, no nothing. I knew "I F$#@ up". Half hour later she sent me a text saying "sorry to rush off. But thank you for the day. Later that night I went out bar hopping with my friends, we went to the bar she works at, I was being my usual self, drinking, smiling, and having a good time. Like I said before, I know people at this bar, guys, girls and its a good time. The bar was busy so we didn't chat to much but from the corner of my eyes I could see her looking at me have a good time. This girl has always gone straight home after her shift, never hanging around with the group. That night after her shift she stayed and had a drink with the chef, but not with me and my group of friends. I was able to feel some sort of tension from her that night, was she jealous of me having a good time? I was being my friendly usual self that night. A few days later I text her "lets meet up this week"? She text back "I had a really nice time getting to know you but I think we should remain friends, have a great week and perhaps I'll see you at the bar on saturday. Now I know when a girl says the "F word" it means it will never happen move on. I text back saying I was cool with being friends. And cut all contact. The following weekend I do the usual, go bar hopping with my friends. Stop by the bar and she's not working. What the "F"! I did want to talk to her, just to make sure that there was no uncomfortable tension between us. I did text her saying "I know the meaning of friends but I was hoping to see you because I know there was some uncomfortable tension between us, hope your around so we can break the tension". But no text back. This was my way of making sure that we could be in the same place and be cool with each other. We're at the same place for different reasons, I'm having a good time, she's working. Anyhow the same night I was at another bar a few doors over, another hangout I go to all the time. I look over and there she was, dancing with guy. She's told me about this guy, "he's the gay guy friend." I walked over to say "hi". Our energy level was so high it felt good, like nothing happened the week before, big smiles on our faces with lots of laughter, the feeling was really good, it felt right. We talked for a few minutes and I left to go be with my friends and have a good time. She knows that this bar is a place that I go to all the time. It's my hangout. Anyhow can anyone make sense of her actions. I'll admit I know I messed up the date and I didn't change who I am after the date, I'm being my social self, talking to people who I know, guys and girl at the bar, having a good time. I really like this girl and want a relationship with her but she said the "F word" to me, and as a "man" I know to move on, be friendly to her when I see her and not try to change her mind, I don't have problems meeting women. But because of her actions I feel she still likes me. As the saying goes "If she's jealous, she cares". Is she Jealous?
Author pinstripe Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Then start at the paragaph "I Knew I F$#@ up".
Star Gazer Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 But because of her actions I feel she still likes me. Uh, what actions? Being at a bar that you both go to? She told you she's only interested in you as a friend. 1
Divasu Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You didn't ffff it up. She just didn't feel the spark on the first date. 3
dasein Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Agree, she just wasn't feeling it, no great big f up, and probably felt a little after pressure in realizing you would be around, hoping you would chill for awhile, yet you went right back to the bar the same night? Pressure, discomfort. If you are going to date bartenders or waitstaff in the future, take them out, end the date, and stay out of their work while those early dates are ongoing. It's a bar you go to, you can leave any time, but it's their job and they can't. This can easily cause them to feel uncomfortable, and discomfort/pressure is usually the end that early on. Better off not dating bartenders. I'm sure there are some out there who are fine, but IME dating them and friends dating them, they tend to be bad bets for any kind of stable dating thing. No offense to anyone who works in a bar, just my experience. 1
CptSaveAho Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 stage 5 clinger.... even agreed to be friends then wonders what he does wrong.... no space whatsoever 1
Author pinstripe Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I like what you had to say. For me its not easy to chill for while, my friend owns the bar and the bar a few doors over. So its been a hangout for me and my friends for the last 10yrs, I was told by some of the staff "you guys are like celebraties here. But you are right she felt pressure and discomfort. But why would she do something totally different like stay and hangout after work with someone else, and go to the other bar I hangout at the following week with her guy gay friend? I know the other bar anyone can go to but why would she take the night off works and go to a place she knows I'll be at? The location is downtown there's hundreds of other places to go to.
bolase Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You serious? "Why would she take the night off work and go to a place she knows I'll be at?" Um. Not to see you. She would have expected you to come to HER bar, so this is more avoidance (though probably had nothing to do with you) rather than to get closer to you. You sounds a tad obsessed as you are ignoring the very obvious signs she is NOT into you and reading into the situation that she wants to be close to you? 1
Author pinstripe Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 You didn't ffff it up. She just didn't feel the spark on the first date. Thanks for your honesty. Now a days if theres no spark on the first date, there will be no second date. 1
BradJacobs Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 What the "F"! I did want to talk to her, just to make sure that there was no uncomfortable tension between us. I did text her saying "I know the meaning of friends but I was hoping to see you because I know there was some uncomfortable tension between us, hope your around so we can break the tension". But no text back. This was my way of making sure that we could be in the same place and be cool with each other. We're at the same place for different reasons, I'm having a good time, she's working. You know YOUR meaning of the word friend. Maybe she meant for you to be the type of friend that tips well at the bar and doesn't interrupt her while she's out with her gay friend? Let it go. You can't win her or force her to be the kind of friend that YOU want her to be.
Phantom888 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Umm.. I actually read the whole post, and I still don't understand what there is to think about? She is not attracted to you romantically, and would rather be friends and keep things friendly while she works. Nothing to read into. No jealousy or whatever. Just nothing. Don't overthink this. There is nothing going on.
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