Why do I have to put a woman in her place if she gets out of hand?

[dasein]

Haha, what a load of crap.

 

Maybe you're right, maybe my sample size is too small, having dated only a couple hundred women of all ages all over the country and overseas over 30ish years. Maybe you know better.

 

How many women have you dated again? You should hear the "butch" in a lesbian couple go on about this phenomenon all honest people who deal with women know to be true, they use -lots- more florid language and detail than I do. We really need more lesbian perspective on the foibles of dealing with women on this forum, I've learned a whole bunch from them over the years.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You just can't handle the truth.

 

Sorry, big daddy, but I am quite handy with the truth. I live in it every day. Evidently, I just don't inhabit the same universe as you do where the mens are somehow in charge of being the adults in a relationship. Sounds sick, frankly.

 

I wonder what would happen to you if you accidentally dated a woman who felt it necessary and appropriate to "apply discipline" to YOU when you behaved or spoke like a pompous nimrod, or in other unseemly manners? You'd be in soooo much trouble, dude!

 

I happen to be married to a quite manly man upon whom I depend for a lot of things. He can also depend upon me. No applications of discipline required. Sometimes either one of us might not be at our best, and each of us is accountable for ourselves when it happens. This is by definition a healthy relationship. If you can, you ought to try one some day. It would take a lot of effort on your part, though.

 

It's not a gender thing, no matter how much you bellow about it. People who behave like idiots are not around me because I don't choose to surround myself with them. Same goes for the other mature people in my life, whether they're men or women. None of them suffer fools gladly. And this is normal, it's the truth, it's reality. Most of us know it, too.

[Keenly]

Alright, I'll give it a shot. One try .

 

The topic itself is one that warrants discussion, however, the first few posters have gone about it completely wrong.

 

Let me try this way.

 

 

Dear women,

 

We men have noticed that occasionally , when there is no drama present, you will create situations, a lot of times involving us directly. This can manifest itself in several ways. Starting an argument over nothing , over reacting to a situation or issue, taking something we said and twisting it around to be negative , etc. .

 

Now when these situations happens, you women appreciate that men are there as a source of calm and strength, and can talk you down, and bring things back to reason. After this happens, you women tend to have a fair amount of respect for us for being able to do that, and mean that don't stand up for themselves in this way are most of the time viewed as weak.

 

 

What we would like to know is why does this behavior take place? Are you consciously aware that you are doing it or is it purely an emotional outburst? Is it an intentional irrational escalation to test us and push our buttons to see how we react? We are just curious is all.

 

 

Now I'm not saying or insinuating men don't do stupid and irrational things too, or are they not guilty of testing, and I would be happy to try and answer why men do the things they do, but we would just like insight on this one topic. No gender battles, no anger or attacks, we just want to know why. And "I don't know" is an acceptable answer.

 

 

Sincerely, man who does not want a gender war.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Alright, I'll give it a shot. One try .

 

The topic itself is one that warrants discussion, however, the first few posters have gone about it completely wrong.

 

Let me try this way.

 

 

Dear women,

 

We men have noticed that occasionally , when there is no drama present, you will create situations, a lot of times involving us directly. This can manifest itself in several ways. Starting an argument over nothing , over reacting to a situation or issue, taking something we said and twisting it around to be negative , etc. .

 

Now when these situations happens, you women appreciate that men are there as a source of calm and strength, and can talk you down, and bring things back to reason. After this happens, you women tend to have a fair amount of respect for us for being able to do that, and mean that don't stand up for themselves in this way are most of the time viewed as weak.

 

 

What we would like to know is why does this behavior take place? Are you consciously aware that you are doing it or is it purely an emotional outburst? Is it an intentional irrational escalation to test us and push our buttons to see how we react? We are just curious is all.

 

 

Now I'm not saying or insinuating men don't do stupid and irrational things too, or are they not guilty of testing, and I would be happy to try and answer why men do the things they do, but we would just like insight on this one topic. No gender battles, no anger or attacks, we just want to know why. And "I don't know" is an acceptable answer.

 

 

Sincerely, man who does not want a gender war.

 

That was very rationally put, thank you.

 

The bottom line is pretty simple. If the way a person handles his or her emotions is too negative, and especially if he or she will not be personally accountable for that, I think that it can be a serious problem and likely, a deal breaker.

 

I cop to sometimes having emo binges which I'm sure my husband would prefer to do without. I'm self-aware enough to realize when amends need to be made. He is the same. It's crucial.

 

I still do not believe that one person who's chosen to be in a relationship with another can EVER be in any position to put that person in their place. That assumes authority.

 

What they can and should do, IMO, is to communicate clearly their experience of this stuff and be very clear with themselves AND their acting - out partner about where their boundaries lie, and when lines have been crossed.

 

If it's a psycho drama-fest or clownish ridiculousness like the fake barfing at short guy scenario, please. Have some self respect and move on.

[dasein]

I work with executives in suits. The guys that have the power to point a finger and very bad things happen to "insignificant" others.

 

I see, so you work with the mafia? loansharks? What's that like? Are you suggesting I do something that lands me in jail? No thanks.

 

If a woman ever treats a man that way, whether it be you or another, then why do you want her in the first place?? Have some self-respect.

 

I knew I typed too few examples, and didn't emphasize enough that this is -normal- female behavior, the "attention seeking, shocking, I've been a bad girl daddy type." Lots of normal women do it.

 

The one who on a fifth date went and sat in one of my friend's lap and stared a hole in me until I noticed her and gave her a cocked eyebrow. Then she got up instantly in a kind of dancing happy girlish way. Discipline, and the sex was great that night.

 

The friend's GF who went into a near jealous foaming fit when I, who had been a third wheel on lots of outings with them, brought a GF along. She didn't want me, just attention. Her BF grabbed her thigh and squeezed hard, she settled down instantly... discipline.

 

My friend's GF who makes a deal of inquiring about every single item on the menu and then sending whatever she orders back. He never calls her on it, exercises no discipline, and she has no respect for him at all. She's a pretty good GF otherwise all things considered, just not getting discipline from her man. Oh yeah, their sex has really tapered off of late. Coincidence?

 

The one in HS parking who asked me why I didn't have a Mercedes like her daddy did, then got red-faced and waited to see my reaction. I grabbed her and made her grind on the floor shifter of my Oldsmobile, she got off... hard. Discipline.

 

None of these were bad women.

 

You see there's the euphemized, sanitized, feminized language of "testing" we usually acquiesce to in these threads in mixed company about women who respect men who keep them in line and "pass their tests." When we cut through the PC BS though, it's really all about a need many women feel to behave badly and then get a "spank" if only a cranial one, from daddy. Discipline. So let's not mince words here, and lay the cards on the table. Be honest, ladies, you love it and crave it when a man is "the man."

 

Or lie about it and then listen wistfully to songs about cowboys and where they have all gone. Choice is yours. Clarity will set you free.

[dasein]

You have little to no experience with real women, if what you say is true.

 

Hey, don't shoot the messenger. And -real- women want a -real- man. If you've been dominant in a gay relationship with a woman, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think you just don't want to admit it.

[Divasu]

The one who on a fifth date went and sat in one of my friend's lap and stared a hole in me until I noticed her and gave her a cocked eyebrow. Then she got up instantly in a kind of dancing happy girlish way. Discipline, and the sex was great that night.

 

Oh boy.

 

If a girl you had been dating did that in front of you, you should have left her there. Instead you go home with her and have sex. Instead of walking away from it, you let your penis get the best of you.

[charlietheginger]

Becuase women can be annoying at times. They do

It on purpose to keep us from getting bored.

 

i saw in a womens mag while getting my haircut

 

"keeping a relationship alive"

Keep him on his toes

Keep him interested

Keep his attention

 

What should happen is keeping the relationship fun

Healthy and active.

 

BUT instead women just bitch moan cuase unwanted

Drama making him have to walk on eggshells, listen to

Her piss and moan then she grins to herself yeah are relationship

Is still alive. All it does is annoy most men

[dasein]

I wonder what would happen to you if you accidentally dated a woman who felt it necessary and appropriate to "apply discipline" to YOU when you behaved or spoke like a pompous nimrod, or in other unseemly manners? You'd be in soooo much trouble, dude!

 

Oh women have no problem at all applying the kind of discipline I'm describing, and I've deserved it on occasion, just not to the extent women do. When I was a kid I played lots of sports, got in fights, got righteously cried at and bitched out by mothers, sisters, friends, GFs. I learned something called "accountability" in an often physical way. Lots of men experience these things, and in our culture, not enough women do. Doesn't make them bad, just prone to flights of fancy on occasion that needs being checked.

 

I will say that IME women who played sports seriously or were in positions in early life to get constructive criticism frequently from wherever tend to not exhibit this behavior as much, but even they do it from time to time.

 

I happen to be married to a quite manly man upon whom I depend for a lot of things. He can also depend upon me. No applications of discipline required. Sometimes either one of us might not be at our best, and each of us is accountable for ourselves when it happens. This is by definition a healthy relationship. If you can, you ought to try one some day. It would take a lot of effort on your part, though.

 

Good for you. Other than the above evidencing your lack of qualifications to comment on the foibles of women in the current dating world, what's your point? I haven't made an absolute statement in this thread that could be disproven by a singular example.

 

It is a gender thing. Any man with significant experience dating women knows they like, and expect, to be led, not dominated, but led by their man, and that involves setting the pace dancing, and modifying their behavior when they act up.

[dasein]

Lol. TBH all of your experiences appear to be "bought".

 

Blabla... shaming... shaming... strawman... ad hominem... doesn't work. No further comment necessary.

[mesmerized]

Maybe you're right, maybe my sample size is too small, having dated only a couple hundred women of all ages all over the country and overseas over 30ish years. Maybe you know better.

 

How many women have you dated again? You should hear the "butch" in a lesbian couple go on about this phenomenon all honest people who deal with women know to be true, they use -lots- more florid language and detail than I do. We really need more lesbian perspective on the foibles of dealing with women on this forum, I've learned a whole bunch from them over the years.

 

So you dated a couple hundred women and still a single middle aged man? Me thinks all these women couldn't be bad but the one who they dated. Having read your posts on this forum and the way you view women, I'm not really surprised.

 

OP, if you're dating a woman who expects to do wrong things and for you to put her in her place, you're dating the wrong woman. Personally with the men I date, I know if I act illogical and selfish, they will kick me to the curb and I make sure they also know that I will do the same. Once both parties know such things won't be tolerated and can cost them a relationship, they will behave themselves

[tbf]

In adult relationships, people assert their personal boundaries. If people don't assert themselves, they get walked all over, most often not intentionally since people can't mind read.

 

While some adults enjoy bondage and discipline in the bedroom, during a normal course day, within normal course relationships, many would leave a partner who's an ass.

[Els]

Dont be upset. He plays too much Call of Duty

 

:lmao:

 

This thread is a great one to munch popcorn to.

 

Seriously, the OP sounds like the thousands of 'mah beetch was getting on mah nerves so I made her get me a sammich to shut up' teens I've seen talking about women on video game forums. Which can be entertaining in their own right, but would be a waste of time and keystrokes to try reasoning with. Move on, folks...

[kaylan]

Sorry, big daddy, but I am quite handy with the truth. I live in it every day. Evidently, I just don't inhabit the same universe as you do where the mens are somehow in charge of being the adults in a relationship. Sounds sick, frankly.

 

I wonder what would happen to you if you accidentally dated a woman who felt it necessary and appropriate to "apply discipline" to YOU when you behaved or spoke like a pompous nimrod, or in other unseemly manners? You'd be in soooo much trouble, dude!

 

I happen to be married to a quite manly man upon whom I depend for a lot of things. He can also depend upon me. No applications of discipline required. Sometimes either one of us might not be at our best, and each of us is accountable for ourselves when it happens. This is by definition a healthy relationship. If you can, you ought to try one some day. It would take a lot of effort on your part, though.

 

It's not a gender thing, no matter how much you bellow about it. People who behave like idiots are not around me because I don't choose to surround myself with them. Same goes for the other mature people in my life, whether they're men or women. None of them suffer fools gladly. And this is normal, it's the truth, it's reality. Most of us know it, too.

The bold is patently incorrect.

[dasein]

Oh boy.

 

If a girl you had been dating did that in front of you, you should have left her there. Instead you go home with her and have sex. Instead of walking away from it, you let your penis get the best of you.

 

She knew what she was doing, seeking attention and to be called on it. I knew what she was doing. It was a very obvious "provoke daddy to get attention naughty girl" game. If she hadn't gotten up instantly, sure I'd have left her there. Normal women do these kinds of things constantly. I bet you have done them, admit it or not.

 

And recall one of my earlier posts. I take no relish in being placed in the disciplinarian role from time to time. But am able to do it, have just learned to accept it, if grudgingly, and advise OP to do the same. It's just another given reality that women have demonstrated over and over to me, "that's what we like."

[kaylan]

I have a strong urge to give dasein a noogie. And something tells me that I could probably do it if I wanted to in real life.

[dasein]

So you dated a couple hundred women and still a single middle aged man?

 

Perhaps you should put pen to paper and realize that dating 200 women over 30 years is not all that many, and leaves lots of time for longer relationships in between. Hell I generally date 20-30 over a few months whenever I decide to crank up the match profile. Or just keep potshotting that signals reasonable readers, particularly male ones, that I'm stating a truth here, that you know it, and simply can't tolerate any other than sugar coating by men when discussing women and their general tendencies.

 

And being single at this age is truly one of the greatest blessings of my life. Very sorry if you are single and don't like it, hopefully better days are ahead for you.

[mesmerized]

This is what women, lots of normal non-deranged, non bitchy, non personality disordered women, really mean when they say "I want a man to lean on, I need him to be my rock," and the obverse of that is "I'm far from being a rock, realize it full well, know I will behave badly from time to time, and need the occasional firm daddy to keep me in check." Has nothing at all to do with S&M, or any issue of mine.

 

This is just such huge BS. When women say that it has little to do with us and all to do with the outside world. When a woman says he wants a man to lean on, she means she wants a smart man who can come up with solutions, who always has a plan, not a man who punishes them.

 

If this truly has been your experience which I doubt is the case, start dating more intelligent women although I highly doubt any of them want anything to do with an obvious woman hater.

[SJC2008]

Ahh the testing debate! Lol @ the women who immediately jumped in and said men do stupid shyt too. Ya think? Isn't it obvious that in most threads here the same could be said if the genders were reversed?

 

Anyway, pertainging to the OP. Which happens to be about women testing men (not men coming home drunk or doing stupid shyt). Some say that all women test and they usually aren't aware of it. Some say when a woman doesn't trust her man is when she tests AND some say mature people assert their boundaries and don't test.

 

IMO testing can go both ways. A woman can test a man to make sure his sack is in tact and he'll stand up to her because that's what she wants. And a woman can test a man to see if his sack isn't in tact so she can run the show becasuse that's the kind of man she needs; One who will put up with her becuase she knows there are many men who won't. I've seen this in IRL. I have a friend who recently went through a breakup and says there aren't many men who will put up with her and she knows it. Which sounds about right becuase she did leave him but had someone already lined up which probably means she put new guy through a test or two to make sure his sack isn't in tact before she made the decision to bail.

 

My mind set is to not think about testing because I bought into it and wondered how to "pass" a test and wondered when she's testing. The new and improved me is going to go off of how I feel and if I don't like her behavior she's going to know about it. She'll either consider my feelings or won't and then it'll be time to make a move. In the end I personally don't beleive all women test, whether they know it or not. I'm not looking for perfection, just self awarness and maturity. We're human, we've all snapped at someone for no reason but if it does happen she needs to woman up and say she was wrong becuase if I do I'll man up and do the same. I'm not going to date somene I have to constantly have to check or someone who pushes my buttons to see how far they can get before I break. There are plenty of good natured women out there who don't operate like that.

[dasein]

One of the benefits of this forum is being endlessly insulted by women who could never rate a date with me. Keeps me humble.

[mesmerized]

Perhaps you should put pen to paper and realize that dating 200 women over 30 years is not all that many, and leaves lots of time for longer relationships in between. Hell I generally date 20-30 over a few months whenever I decide to crank up the match profile. Or just keep potshotting that signals reasonable readers, particularly male ones, that I'm stating a truth here, that you know it, and simply can't tolerate any other than sugar coating by men when discussing women and their general tendencies.

 

And being single at this age is truly one of the greatest blessings of my life. Very sorry if you are single and don't like it, hopefully better days are ahead for you.

 

The problem is I don't know it. Look, anyone regardless of gender will act selfish, stupid, rude childish etc if you LET them. As simple as that. I knew this since I was a child and tried to teach that to my own parents and the fact that at 40 you still see it as a "gender issue" says a lot about you and your agenda. I can tell you stories about men I encountered that will drop your jaw. I've learned since a very early age that you have to have your boundries clear and not let people pass them so they behave. I used them in my relationships with friends and men and yes I had to put men in their place too so they know what they are dealing with.

 

Hey, I'm happy you're single too. I feel for the woman who would have to put up with you and the world sure doesn't need more daseins.

[Els]

Ahh the testing debate! Lol @ the women who immediately jumped in and said men do stupid shyt too. Ya think? Isn't it obvious that in most threads here the same could be said if the genders were reversed?

 

Anyway, pertainging to the OP. Which happens to be about women testing men (not men coming home drunk or doing stupid shyt). Some say that all women test and they usually aren't aware of it. Some say when a woman doesn't trust her man is when she tests AND some say mature people assert their boundaries and don't test.

 

IMO testing can go both ways. A woman can test a man to make sure his sack is in tact and he'll stand up to her because that's what she wants. And a woman can test a man to see if his sack isn't in tact so she can run the show becasuse that's the kind of man she needs; One who will put up with her becuase she knows there are many men who won't. I've seen this in IRL. I have a friend who recently went through a breakup and says there aren't many men who will put up with her and she knows it. Which sounds about right becuase she did leave him but had someone already lined up which probably means she put new guy through a test or two to make sure his sack isn't in tact before she made the decision to bail.

 

My mind set is to not think about testing because I bought into it and wondered how to "pass" a test and wondered when she's testing. The new and improved me is going to go off of how I feel and if I don't like her behavior she's going to know about it. She'll either consider my feelings or won't and then it'll be time to make a move. In the end I personally don't beleive all women test, whether they know it or not. I'm not looking for perfection, just self awarness and maturity. We're human, we've all snapped at someone for no reason but if it does happen she needs to woman up and say she was wrong becuase if I do I'll man up and do the same.

 

I hate to rain on your parade (and I actually agree with your post), but if you read this thread again, especially the title...

 

Do you reaaaaallly think it was about testing?

 

I'm not going to date somene I have to constantly have to check or someone who pushes my buttons to see how far they can get before I break. There are plenty of good natured women out there who don't operate like that.

 

Sounds like a good plan, and one that most healthy men tend to learn before they reach middle age and go completely bananas from interaction with such women, I would think.

[Divasu]

She knew what she was doing, seeking attention and to be called on it. I knew what she was doing. It was a very obvious "provoke daddy to get attention naughty girl" game. If she hadn't gotten up instantly, sure I'd have left her there. Normal women do these kinds of things constantly. I bet you have done them, admit it or not.

 

And recall one of my earlier posts. I take no relish in being placed in the disciplinarian role from time to time. But am able to do it, have just learned to accept it, if grudgingly, and advise OP to do the same. It's just another given reality that women have demonstrated over and over to me, "that's what we like."

 

At 5 dates in the past with someone, we eventually became a couple and that type of junk didn't happen leading up to that point. I'm sure I've done things in the past like flirted with another guy in front of a guy I was not serious about. Like, if we ran into each other at a lounge or something while out with separate friends.

[SJC2008]

I hate to rain on your parade (and I actually agree with your post), but if you read this thread again, especially the title...

 

Do you reaaaaallly think it was about testing?

 

 

 

Sounds like a good plan, and one that most healthy men tend to learn before they reach middle age and go completely bananas from interaction with such women, I would think.

 

That's ok you're fine:) OP didn't articulate well that's for sure but I got the jest of what he's getting at. I've been tared and feathered for poor articulation lol so I just try to stick to the main idea.

[dasein]

the fact that at 40 you still see it as a "gender issue" says a lot about you and your agenda. I can tell you stories about men I encountered that will drop your jaw.

 

1. Lots of things and behaviors are in fact gender issues. Men and women aren't otherwise identical creatures with different gonads.

 

2. I post daily advising women to leave or "discipline" men who treat them badly... daily, right here on this forum. No idea what you think my "agenda" is, but you are wrong.

 

3. If you want to tell stories about men you've encountered that would make my jaw drop, make that thread. This isn't it, and one of the reasons I get involved in threads like this is the persistent habit of female posters here to answer everything said here about women with "men do it too." Do you and select others not realize what a silly nonresponse that is to men who have legitimate dating issues?