reddragon588 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My ex girlfriend broke up with me 7 weeks ago in what upon further is a classic case of GIGS. We tried to be friends after. We had a little contact, hung out twice, then I went NC for a while and she sent me messages and liked my Facebook status and stuff. She even sent me a text with hearts and smileys on the Fourth of July when she was obviously drunk. This contact from her caused me a lot of anxiety and hurt. Last week, my therapist suggested I tell her how I feel and read her reaction. I told her I still love her and that I could never see we as just a friend. She said she didn't love me anymore and implied she didn't want to ever get back together. I told her we couldn't be friends then and it would probably be best if we didn't contact each other anymore. I know this was probably the right decision, as it is true that I could never see her as a friend. But I am now second guessing myself. What if there was a chance for reconciliation, as apparently is common with GIGS? And now that I ended it, I feel as though I want to be friends. I'm just wondering if maybe I should have tried to be friends with her.
Misfortune Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 What was her reaction? I would just let it be. Time heals most and absence makes something grow.... If there is a chance to get back together, I'm sure she knows how to reach you. Your feelings are already known to her so, if ever the day comes that she feels the same, you'll get your happy ending. Prepare for the worst since the best is easier to accept. Don't settle. If you don't want to be friends, you don't have to. She doesn't want to be with you and she left. All you can do, is what makes you happy. 1
LME Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I agree, i think you should let it be for now. It is too soon to be friends. If you want to in the future when you have no hope of getting back together/feelings for her then you can make that choice. I saw my ex this weekend after about 5-6 weeks after we broke up. I told him that i could not be friends with him because i would probably just develop feelings for him again and that would not be good for me. It is the right thing for me to for myself at this point. Do i think i will get over it and be able to talk to him in a friendly way one day? yeah, i really do. but not anytime in the near future because i am still healing. I had a major breakthrough yesterday after i read the article i posted but i need to make sure this breakthrough sticks. I would also suggest deleting all your texts with her, pics on her phone, and unfriending on facebook to help you heal. Out of sight out of mind really helps and you wont have those temptations to read through old messages or pictures 1
Author reddragon588 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Her reaction was to say the right things- I want to respect your feelings because I do care about you, just not like that anymore. But I could tell in her voice she didn't understand it. She has said that being friends is a sign that things ended on a good note, and I think she interprets this as a sign that we ended on a bad note (I assured her this is not what I meant, just that I'd always have feelings for her if we remained friends, and this is the only way I could move on). Maybe I'm reading into it too much. I think I'm second guessing the absoluteness of my statement. Maybe someday I will want to be friends. Maybe someday we will find we want to get back together. With the absoluteness of what I said I may never know. I believe in letting change happen naturally and I wonder if I forced change here rather than letting it occur naturally. That said, I do feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders now. I finally can mentally wrap myself around the fact it's over and I can mentally relieve myself of the fantasies of us getting back together. I wonder if I said we can't be friends right now (instead of for good) if that same weight would have been lifted. I think that's what I'm second guessing the most. The mind is an incredible thing but sometimes it is an incredibly confusing thing!
LME Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I don't think theres an absoluteness to what you said, your mind is def working against you right now. Get through the breakup now, if you want to be friends later down the road then that may be an option, just because you said for good does not mean that is how it has to be. It honestly doesn't seem much different from we cant be friends right now in my eyes. 1
Author reddragon588 Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I don't think theres an absoluteness to what you said, your mind is def working against you right now. Get through the breakup now, if you want to be friends later down the road then that may be an option, just because you said for good does not mean that is how it has to be. It honestly doesn't seem much different from we cant be friends right now in my eyes. Well, the reason we were talking is because we had planned on going to a concert together before we broke up, and had talked about going even after. She texted me to ask if we were still going, and I said we need to talk. She thought at first that I was just talking about the concert, but I said this isn't just about the concert, this about forever. You're right though. If we want to be friends later down the road that may be option, if it's meant to be it will happen.
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