where do these thought come from? aarrrgghhhh!

[tami]

i don't know what is wrong with me but at times just right out of the blue i come up with these really stupid things, like questions i want to ask my boyfriend of three years.

 

example: yesterday while driving along i all of a sudden wondered why he shopped for xmas for me last, then later i wondered does he ever run into his old girlfriend at this restaurant that is by her house.

 

just things like that, i can't think of any of the others right now, but that is the jest of it. sometimes it is about other women or about feeling left out of something or feeling neglected, or maybe jealous too, then i end up dwelling on these things until i have to ask him about it, i can't get it off of my mind!

 

what i don't understand is why they just crop up out of no where! that is what really confuses me, any ideas of what this is from or how to make it stop? thank you........tami

[Deejette]

When we care very much about someone we also have a corresponding fear that we may lose them or something might happen to them. This is natural but if taken to the extreme it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

I mean, if you worry so much over how important you are to your boyfriend and ask him probing questions to reassure yourself that he is not seeing his x or that he thought of you first when buying presents, you could actually drive him away and you will lose him.

 

Self-confidence that you are "all that" and that he is lucky to have you will take you out of the worrying and into a place where you do not need to be assured that you are number 1 priority in his life.

 

I realize that telling a person to have more self-confidence is not really the answer, because a person has to feel it within herself. But at least try to weed out insecure thoughts plague you and drive you crazy. You do have control over your thoughts because you are the only thinker in your mind. You can choose to think about your own self-worth instead of depending on his actions to supply your opinion of yourself.

i don't know what is wrong with me but at times just right out of the blue i come up with these really stupid things, like questions i want to ask my boyfriend of three years. example: yesterday while driving along i all of a sudden wondered why he shopped for xmas for me last, then later i wondered does he ever run into his old girlfriend at this restaurant that is by her house. just things like that, i can't think of any of the others right now, but that is the jest of it. sometimes it is about other women or about feeling left out of something or feeling neglected, or maybe jealous too. what i don't understand is why they just crop up out of no where! that is what really confuses me, any ideas of what this is from or how to make it stop? thank you........tami

[Tony T]

When our mind is idle, any kind of thoughts can come up. Thoughts are God's gift to us. We decide what we want to think about. We can punish the hell out of ourselves by thinking all kinds of negative things like you do, or we can think of positive things, memories, etc.

 

When you find yourself thinking negative, which is basically something we are taught from a young age to do, put up a STOP sign in your mind. Then go to thinking about something positive, like a beautiful vacation on some exotic island or something.

 

The things you described above that you think about are pretty insignificant. For instance, your boyfriend shopped for you last because you were most special and he used all his shopping time to look around for the nicest thing he could get you. If he would have bought for you first, he may have seen something better later on and not had the money left to buy it.

 

If you want to know if he ever sees his old girlfriend, ask him. He is free to go wherever he pleases and he cannot control where his ex goes. If I were you, I'd worry more about him running into a naked girl in a park who tried to seduce him. Or worse yet, maybe he may meet a beautiful girl with millions of dollars who will buy him a car, a mansion and give him $10,000,000 cash, taxes paid, if he will marry her. Yeah, those are some things you can think about.

 

But you can control what you think about. You need to get more active in life, indulge in more intellectual activities like reading, taking classes, etc. Get some good stuff to think about and get rid of the unproductive garbage that just needlessly screws up your mind.