SuperSleuth Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 So here's an update of my story from way back..... And the ex will likely be reading this eventually, for added fun, since he knows I post here occasionally. In January of 2004 I discovered my ex was having an affair with a woman he met through work. I left him, and (supposedly) he broke up with his OW during the divorce process because he was trying to get me back. I insisted on the divorce, and it was final on our fourth anniversary, June 3, 2004. Shortly after that I moved halfway across the country to pursue my dream job. And let's just say that moving away from all of the drama of our divorce was definitely a draw as well. My ex worked (and still works) for my family's business, so the whole situation wasn't just going to "go away." Shortly after I moved away, the ex got back together with his OW. Good for them, if that's what they both want. But here's the rub.... I still talk to my ex frequently, and I still get the distinct impression that he'd take me back in a heartbeat if I wanted him to. And it isn't just an impression, either; he's told me he still has me on his life and homeowner's insurance, etc. He tells me how much he misses me, and how he still can't believe that he's ruined his life the way he has. He told me he's trying to make things work with the OW because it seems like if he ruined his life for her, he might as well give it an honest shot. That seems like such a sad reason to be with someone. Another thing that gets to me.... he often calls me late at night. I've asked him to call at a reasonable hour, as I work 6 days per week in a very physically demanding job. Yet he still calls relatively late almost 50% of the time. Why? I can't think of any other reason but that he is waiting until the OW is asleep, just like he did when he was cheating on me with her. He says she is aware that he and I still talk, but I wonder how she could really be comfortable with that? How could a woman continue to put up with not truly having her man "into" her relationship like this? Anyhow, I know how this posting will be taken by the OW's on this board. But it isn't sour grapes. I chose this divorce and I'm still choosing it. But I really wish the OW's out there would take this as a warning. Sometimes a "happy ending" isn't what it seems like. I'm sure in the case of my ex's OW it certainly isn't. SS.
DJ_Dork Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Thiefs/Cheaters need to get their genitals taken care of with a staple gun. Hope this all works out for you.
head/heels Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 what he deserves...i would not speak to him ever again if i were you!! He is not worth your spit or air...he was supposed to be in a committed marriage to you forever and ever and he couldnt keep his hand out of the cookie jar!!!!!???? WTF? this world is totally screwed up! i am sad for him and i pity whoever he ends up with....he deserves to be sad and miserable his whole life for breaking such sacred vows and emotionally crushing the one he was supposed to love 4 all time!
Author SuperSleuth Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 Oh, and for added fun I found out last night that he lied about being broken up with the OW during the divorce when he was trying to get me back..... A little "slip up" on his part. I swear there is no end to that man's dishonesty. I really just shouldn't talk to him anymore. All I ever get is a whole lot of mental anguish out of it. That just makes me wonder..... what kind of woman seeks out a married man who has this many issues? How low would your self-esteem have to be to say, "Well, this guy is SOOO terrific that it makes up for all of the lies!" SS.
izzybelle Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Supersleuth, sounds like you are well rid of him! congrats on your courage to get on with your life. i don't think anyone actively "seeks out" a man with that many issues, married or not. and i don't always think it's an issue of self-esteem. many of us fall in love with someone and don't realize until later what they're really like as a person. whether we're naive, they lie, they're good at hiding things, or whether it's the day-to-day stuff in life that brings that side of them out. i sit and wonder why my ex's fiance would love him. i too have said that they deserve each other, that she can deal with the lies now, it's not my problem. i look at him and think "why would anyone in their right mind want to be with him?" and then i remember that about 15 years ago, i thought he walked on water, i fell for him and his lies and couldn't see past the facade. eventually i did, but now, i sit here and pass judgement on how someoone else could love him? and i laugh at myself for thinking that she's a fool and can't find anyone better. hey, i married him too, what does that make me? i think anyone with an ex spouse, ex bf/gf feels the same way. but remember, we too, fell in love with that person once upon a time. sure, we may be smarter now, easy to say, oh.... but they weren't like that then. truth is, they probably were and we didn't see it either. and as they say, the thing with OW/OM relationships is that we don't always see all the bad stuff anyway. if they're in a full-time relationship then chances are she is seeing that too. and now it's their problem to deal with not yours. and that i know is a good feeling!
FreeMe Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 That's an excellent post/story for all of us past, present, and future OWs. Thanks for posting it - it has signifiant meaning for me today. I was an OW. My boyfriend got divorced. Now we're in the midst of breaking up for incompatibility and a couple of other things and now that we're breaking up, he said since it really seems to be ending this time, he might try to move back into his house!!!!!!!!! Holy S**T. I'm floored. He doesn't love her but thinks why should he get an apartment when he might be able to move back to his house. I guess we women are pretty much interchangeble. Wow.
debs Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] I applaude you superslueth! Mine went with the ow back in March I say good rid dens to him and to her! I burnt that chapter in my life and the divorce was final last Friday! Their age difference should prove to be interesting he is 34 she is 21! He no longer looks like the well dressed "Asian" I knew and loved! I got out with my dignity and my sanity! Best wishes and do as I do when the Asian ass calls DON'T ANSWER! Happy Thanksgiving ppl! Lets all be thankful we have our families and friends!
Author SuperSleuth Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by izzybelle many of us fall in love with someone and don't realize until later what they're really like as a person. whether we're naive, they lie, they're good at hiding things, or whether it's the day-to-day stuff in life that brings that side of them out. i sit and wonder why my ex's fiance would love him. i too have said that they deserve each other, that she can deal with the lies now, it's not my problem. i look at him and think "why would anyone in their right mind want to be with him?" and then i remember that about 15 years ago, i thought he walked on water, i fell for him and his lies and couldn't see past the facade. Oh, you're absolutely right. It hit me a few weeks ago that my ex's OW is making the same exact mistakes I made when I first fell in love with him. He made some mistakes, but was so *very* sorry about them at the time that I was sure he had learned from them. And when I say mistakes, I mean things like fooling around with one of his exes at a class reunion and threatening to get my sister fired from her job for eating some of his snack foods at our apartment. Can you say, "Psycho?" Of course, this guy was capable of making you feel like a million bucks when he wanted to. Then five minutes later he would make you feel about 1 inch tall. It all depended on how he felt about you at any given moment. If he wanted you to fall in love with him, you pretty much just did. It took me years to figure out how full of sh*t he was, and how deeply-rooted his pathological dishonesty and anger were. I think it is safe to say that I know (or at least very recently knew) him better than anyone on Earth. And all I can say is that I'm so glad I finally pulled my head out of my a$$ and divorced him. It was the best decision I've ever made. SS.
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