faithfulman Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I have been with my gf for over a year and a half. I posted on here before about my gf being severely overweight. My girlfriend was super nice when I met her, we live together for a year now and she's always in a bad mood. Once in a while she's nice to me and apologizes to me for being rude, but only twice has she apologized to me. She always seems stressed out, rude and obnoxious, no matter how nice I am to her. I cook, I clean, I do everything I possibly can, she doesn't lift a finger around the house, I am a full time student and she works. I give her as much money as I can, I pay half of the rent. We are always fighting about random stupid stuff because she is so bossy and demanding. She bosses me around like I am her butler. She literally makes me get up to get her drinks, her purse, put her socks on for her. I am sick of her treating me like I am a servant and then giving me constant attitude all the time. She has a bad temper and screams at me all the time. I think she is unhappy with her life, her job stresses her out, she works for her family. She is overweight and I think she tries to make herself happy by eating and spending too much money. She refuses to lose weight or admit she has a weight problem, which I rarely bring up. I have tried talking to her millions of times but it just ends up with her being nasty and rude to me. She likes to spend the little money I have and not pay me back, which is not fair to me. We are both almost 30 years old, I am not sure why she just can't act like an adult. Any advice on how to make her stop having such attitude problems and being rude and bossy?
Author faithfulman Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Dump her? What seems to be the mystery here? that seems easy but when you care about someone and you have an established relationship with someone you don't want to leave.
todreaminblue Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I am sorry you are having a rough time, being overweight can often make people depressed especially women.......her being tired and stressed out would not be helping...so she eats or spends money......to try to fix her internal self loathing...a quick fix....then when it wears off she regrets it probably causing this vicious cycle to occur...... i feel you need to have a sit down with her....be honest and open.....you don't deserve to be treated badly because she is struggling...if she asks you to do things for her....decline.....say that's not what i am here for....i am here to be with you not serve you.......if you are feeling down because she is treating you as a servant....quit on that......if she borrows money from you and doesnt offer it back...ask for it........dont internalize your problems with her.....tell them to her....its the only way anything can be worked on.......if you let them build up in that head of yours.....its going to come out when you dont want it to...and it will come out a lot harsher than if you plan a discussion and say things as you feel them....i wish you well....bets of luck....deb 2
tman666 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Come on now... From what you've described, you are being a complete doormat. It's not out of care for her, it's out of fear and insecurity about yourself. You've been in this a year and a half and you're already feeling like you do (for good reason, it sounds like). Do you honestly think it will get better with time? Someone worth being with is someone who augments your life and happiness, not someone who disrespects you, puts you down, and treats you like she does. You're not going to change her. She's shown her true colors. If you can honestly see a future with her, far be it from me to tell you what to do... 2
darkmoon Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) I know you pay half the rent, okay, but how much do you put in for food and bills? if it is not 50/50 and you are relying on her to pay for food and bills week in week out, resentment grows, I have been the female bill-payer, btw, so if you are her financial responsibility on-going, stop it, my 2 cents, it gets old Edited July 23, 2013 by darkmoon
tbf Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Pack your stuff right now and walk out that door. You can't control her and she shouldn't be controlling you. 1
veggirl Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I know you pay half the rent, okay, but how much do you put in for food and bills? if it is not 50/50 and you are relying on her to pay for food and bills week in week out, resentment grows, I have been the female bill-payer, btw, so if you are her financial responsibility on-going, stop it, my 2 cents, it gets old Nothing in his post indicated that he pays less than 50/50, all around. Not to mention he does all the cooking and cleaning and is a fulltime student still financially contributing. Talk about resentment! OP seriously it has only been a year and a half, imagine this for the next 50 years. Your gf has no desire to change and I guess why would she when acting like an overgrown child is still getting her what she wants. Quit being her little bitch, tell her no! Maybe she will grow to respect you...I mean tbh you should dump her as she sounds like a soul-sucker but you don't wanna do that so why don't you at least try not to be her whipping boy for a while? I mean when she says to get a drink just say "sorry I'm busy right now, you'll have to grab it yourself" and if she yells and screams, simply get up and walk to another room saying "we can talk about this when you calm down if you'd like." 2
darkmoon Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) Nothing in his post indicated that he pays less than 50/50, all around. Not to mention he does all the cooking and cleaning and is a fulltime student still financially contributing. Talk about resentment! OP seriously it has only been a year and a half, imagine this for the next 50 years. Your gf has no desire to change and I guess why would she when acting like an overgrown child is still getting her what she wants. Quit being her little bitch, tell her no! Maybe she will grow to respect you...I mean tbh you should dump her as she sounds like a soul-sucker but you don't wanna do that so why don't you at least try not to be her whipping boy for a while? I mean when she says to get a drink just say "sorry I'm busy right now, you'll have to grab it yourself" and if she yells and screams, simply get up and walk to another room saying "we can talk about this when you calm down if you'd like." The guy with the problem said "I give what I can" not sure why you feel so strongly about one message I left, but we will not know either way until the guy with the problem tells us whether it's 50/50 split or not. Veggegirl, have you ever been the female bill-payer? if yes, what happened? Edited July 23, 2013 by darkmoon
OfficeGirl253 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Bottom line. You deserve better! Being single is a scary option, but it's better than being treated like poop.
hotpotato Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Maybe she has lost respect for you. Perhaps time to stop being so nice. She really doesnt deserve it anyway. Imo she needs to see a counselor or join a group and work on her issues.
veggirl Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 The guy with the problem said "I give what I can" not sure why you feel so strongly about one message I left, but we will not know either way until the guy with the problem tells us whether it's 50/50 split or not. Veggegirl, have you ever been the female bill-payer? if yes, what happened? She's not the female bill payer, he said explicitly he pays half the rent and contributes to the rest too. And does all the cooking and cleaning. She just sounds like a bitch tbh. If she has a problem w the bills, the grown up thing to do is talk about it not yell and scream and fight. To answer your question yes I've had one live in bf where I paid more than he did.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 She has no right to take her frustrations out on you. Life is too short for people like your gf. Everyone deserves someone who respects them.
Keenly Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 The female bill payer? Is this really your excuse for her being a rotten human being ? Op, she hates herself. By extension she hates you because you are obviously the only one that loves her, and she hates you for moving her. Stop being her bitch and grow some damn testicles.
GorillaTheater Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I once knew a guy who's wife made him wipe her cat's ass after the cat shat. And he'd gripe about it, but did it. I didn't get that situation, either. They're divorced now, of course. My impression is that she left him. 2
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 She's not the female bill payer, he said explicitly he pays half the rent and contributes to the rest too. And does all the cooking and cleaning. She just sounds like a bitch tbh. If she has a problem w the bills, the grown up thing to do is talk about it not yell and scream and fight. To answer your question yes I've had one live in bf where I paid more than he did. the guy with the problem wrote "I am a full time student and she works. I give her as much money as I can, I pay half of the rent" he says himself he just only pays half the rent, nothing else, I mean that is his sentence, cut and pasted, those are his exact words. When I paid for my ex, it just went on and on. A meal out? I would slip the required cash under the table so as not to emasculate him in public. Would you actively recommend paying for a guy all the time, indefinitely? I am only replying to be polite, btw. Why does this posting matter to you so much? straight question
Emilia Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Dump her? What seems to be the mystery here? You are not supposed to solve the riddle in the first post tman 4
GorillaTheater Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 the guy with the problem wrote "I am a full time student and she works. I give her as much money as I can, I pay half of the rent" he says himself he just only pays half the rent, nothing else, I mean that is his sentence, cut and pasted, those are his exact words. When I paid for my ex, it just went on and on. A meal out? I would slip the required cash under the table so as not to emasculate him in public. Would you actively recommend paying for a guy all the time, indefinitely? I am only replying to be polite, btw. Why does this posting matter to you so much? straight question I pay for everything, since my wife is a SAHM. How much sh*t is she obligated to eat because of it? 2
tman666 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 You are not supposed to solve the riddle in the first post tman Looks like I'm the annoying kid in class who just blurts out the answer without waiting to be called on by the teacher. 2
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I pay for everything, since my wife is a SAHM. How much sh*t is she obligated to eat because of it? you are in a life you like, and it is traditional, but for me there were only so many requests for money for him to go play pool, before I wondered why I was still feeling loved up over this giant-child ex-boyf of mine
Taramere Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Any advice on how to make her stop having such attitude problems and being rude and bossy? You're taking responsibility for trying to change her behaviour here. Which is one step away from taking the blame for her behaviour if it doesn't improve. Do you have friends you care about? Family? The problem with a partner like this is that it's not just you who will take the brunt. They will continually offend other people in your life, neighbours, colleagues - lots and lots of people who you would prefer to have a decent relationship with, but who you might find are so offended/turned off by your partner's attitude that it affects how you get along with them. Nobody's saying it's easy to end a relationship, but this woman is treating you like crap. Sure there are ways to get more respect from somebody, but what a draining pursuit - giving yourself a headache trying to figure out how to get halfway decent treatment from a partner. If being bulldozed has been an issue for you before in life, then it may be an idea to start thinking about ways of being more assertive generally, but please don't take responsibility for your partner's bad behaviour. It's not helpful to you, and actually it's probably not helpful for her either. 1
veggirl Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 the guy with the problem wrote "I am a full time student and she works. I give her as much money as I can, I pay half of the rent" he says himself he just only pays half the rent, nothing else, I mean that is his sentence, cut and pasted, those are his exact words. When I paid for my ex, it just went on and on. A meal out? I would slip the required cash under the table so as not to emasculate him in public. Would you actively recommend paying for a guy all the time, indefinitely? I am only replying to be polite, btw. Why does this posting matter to you so much? straight question Your posting doesn't bother me. But this is a discussion forum where people interact and express opinions. Your ex sounds like a mooch, the op does not. That was my only point.
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Your posting doesn't bother me. But this is a discussion forum where people interact and express opinions. Your ex sounds like a mooch, the op does not. That was my only point. what makes one man a mooch and the other a deserving cause? two lame ducks, imho
Radu Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Your question would be a valid one, except for the fact that if you read the thread [like i just did] you see a certain desire in your posts to see this guy as guilty. Now i don't know how much monetarily he contributes to the other expenses [bills], but i do know he does the cleaning and the cooking while paying half the rent, something that feminists have time and time again told us is akin to having a significant contribution. Getting back to the OP; leave ... that's basically it. The actions you mentioned in the OP, and your overall attitude is that of a doormat, so in part it is on you since every abuser needs an enabler that allows him to abuse. And your [present] gf is an enabler. 2
Recommended Posts