MissC8181 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. The relationship moved quickly, but we had a great relationship. So I thought. He is in the military and will be leaving the country, for a year, in a couple of months. Before our relationship, he was casually seeing a friend. I just had gotten out of a relationship (who was also once a friend.) It was bad timing, but the relationship, we thought everything felt right. We lived in different states, for a couple of months, before I moved in with my best friend and her boyfriend (who happens to be HIS brother). We had a great few months here. We seemed to be good. Then broke up with me. He said something was missing. I felt he gave me excuses (cliche ones) to break it to me gently. After we broke up, we had a talk. I talked mostly. I told him that I still loved him and that still see us having a future together. He agreed. That was about a month ago. Everything seemed OK. We didn't communicate much, but saw each other Saturdays (spending time w/his family). Everything seemed OK, BUT I noticed things that would lead me to find out that he was, again, seeing the girl before me. Almost immediately after we broke up. She was even the one who told me about it (in person). Pretty sure she got enjoyment out of it because she was bitter that he broke off their arrangement to date me. And now the tables have turned. Well, I confronted him immediately. Words were exchanged. Obviously, I was furious to hear what was going on...especially from her! I asked him what was going on. He said it was nothing serious and that he could do whatever he wants. I asked him what he feels for me. He says he loves me... as a friend. He said he misses his friend (me). I asked him why he led me to believe of possibilities of getting back together later if he was doing this. He said, we never know what's going to happen in the future. I was angry and he got defensive for me asking him over and over his intentions. I felt I was getting excuses, again. I felt he didn't care how betrayed I felt. I texted him the next day continuing to rip him a new one and said goodbye. He deserved it because I don't deserve to be treated this way. I was VERY good to him. It has been an exhausting battle. Since I have to run into him and the girl (who is in the social circle here) I reached out to him. I asked him to work with me to keep things civil while we both attended social events. I also apologized for a couple of things I said out of anger. Not everything. I explained I said goodbye to close the door so that I have space to heal from all this. He never replied to me. He did post "If you don't like me, remember, it's mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter" on FB. Since this just happened, I know he is still very angry at me for lashing out. I couldn't let him think I was allowing him to talk and act the way he was without a reaction. I hate how he turned this on me when I was good to him until he showed me he was keeping things from me. Here comes the questions: What the hell is he thinking of seeing this girl, again? Were they both lying to me about it not being anything serious? Why would he leave her for me and then go back? How do I handle seeing the two of them together (no way out of it)? Is their hope for the future? Can/should we repair this (tension) before he leaves? Can/should we even be friends? Please help me! I need perspective and clarity. This is such a messed up situation. I still love him and don't want him leaving to another country with this mindset.
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 What the hell is he thinking of seeing this girl, again? He made a personal choice. He likely enjoys the appeal of having an option of multiple women who are willing to sit around for him. Were they both lying to me about it not being anything serious? It may not be serious, but there is likely more than than is being said. Why would he leave her for me and then go back? He has two women, why not bounce back and forth? How do I handle seeing the two of them together (no way out of it)? If you must see them, be professional and don't hang around for long. Is their hope for the future? Can/should we repair this (tension) before he leaves? Sure, you can repair it until it happens again. He shows no respect for you, so why would you want to repair it? Can/should we even be friends? Certainly not right now. And with the lack of respect he shows, I wouldn't bother trying ever.
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