enchanted771 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My boyfriend and I just broke up less than a week ago. He was emotionally abusive towards me even though he would never admit it. He never really talked too much about his childhood but i do know that his biological father was abusive toward his mom and then abandoned all of them (he had 6 siblings). His mother remarried but just found out that the step father was also abusive although from what i understood he wasnt. I was told that he saw alot of things go on, and it was bad. Not that it justifies his behavior, but if a child grows up seeing one of their mother being mistreated, he/she is going to think its normal. His sister told me he can be a great guy loving, etc but then he falls into these cycles and snaps. It just makes me think he has some personality disorder which wouldnt be uncommon, but i think i needed to clarify some things because I kept thinking it was me. My boyfriend before that had a bad childhood also, and in addition, he was OCD and suffered from ADD. It was very difficult to deal with. His father abused him and his older brothers used to make fun of him. I think i may accept this behavior because of my childhood. My father was an alcoholic, and he mistreated my mother also (cheated, emotional abuse, etc) Going forward I need to get into a healthy relationship eventually, but how do i avoid this cycle of absive relationships? I have a son and this is the last thing i want to bring him around. He has a father, so i am not looking for another, but whomever i am with needs to not only be nice to him (my ex was) but to me as well.
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 While it is natural for people to go after the same type of relationship they saw growing up, you have seen the pattern. What you need to do now is be observant and watch for the signs you have seen in the past, and avoid relationships with those who seem unstable.
Author enchanted771 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 While it is natural for people to go after the same type of relationship they saw growing up, you have seen the pattern. What you need to do now is be observant and watch for the signs you have seen in the past, and avoid relationships with those who seem unstable. I know this is a stupid question, but what are the signs usually? My head isnt very clear right now.
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I know this is a stupid question, but what are the signs usually? My head isnt very clear right now. Jealousy, control, aggression, etc.
travelbug1996 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Decide what behaviors are unacceptable/deal breakers and get firm about your boundaries and enforcing them if crossed.
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