SameAsItEverWas Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I've been dating this great woman for around two months now. We're the same age, have the same worldview, and share a whole ton of common interests. We've talked about where things could go and have agreed to try to make our dreams happen together. We've spent the entire weekend together for the last 4-5 weeks. Either away on short trips or when she comes to stay at my house. She has a roomie so its not an option for me to go there. Our time at my house is great. We took on this backyard project together, held a BBQ with a bunch of her friends and my friends. She met my family and we have a trip planned to go see her's. A couple of weeks ago she told me she's fallen for me. I said me too. So what I'm saying is that things are going well. We are very affectionate together, holding hands, arms around each other as we walk. It's easy. We don't text a lot but that's because we see each other 4-5 days a week. But when we do there's pet names and little x's and all that cute relationship stuff. My trouble is that it feels great when I'm with her. And then horrible as soon as she goes 'home' for the work week. Like, suck it up, right? Why is it like that? Monday's are hard 'cause we've just spent the whole weekend together. In the past it could sometimes take all day for us to get in touch, but recently there's been more contact earlier in the day, which feels better. Have other people felt this? Any tips, thoughts? I guess I'm falling in love, or I am in love. It's kind of scary. I don't really think I can talk to her about it because its not macho guy stuff and all the crap on the internet tells me to be distant and to be a challenge and to increase her interest level and all that. I guess my plan is, of course, to just keep things steady and easy, spend time with her when I can. Of course I'm in a place where I'm tempted to just put everything on hold to spend time with her, but I know I need to keep my own life going! Its just that she's become so much of that! Looking forward to having the anxiety go away so I can just enjoy our time together and not miss it!
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 So when she leaves after spending a lot of time with her you get down a bit? Sounds like you're falling pretty hard for this girl. Nothing wrong with that at all. Just enjoy the time with her and keep having fun on your own during the week when she's gone. And my goodness, just be yourself. Don't play games or anything else. Sounds like things are going good and you're full of butterflies. Enjoy them 1
Author SameAsItEverWas Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 I agree! It's just a new and hard to get comfortable with feeling for me! Butterflies - yep. But then comfort when with her. I've been here before, and I know that it will settle into that nice secure feeling soon. Phew. Thanks for replying and the words!
jphcbpa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. You are very vulnerable in this R, perhaps for the first time ever. You really care for her. Be thankful that you feel this, just dont let it mess with your head. As mentioned above...relax, have fun, breath and enjoy every moment with her. This is a good thing!!! 1
Author SameAsItEverWas Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Hey, while you guys are here, commenting. Any thoughts or ideas on how to keep things fresh? Like, we're starting to get into a bit of a routine. She's over Fri-Sun, Mon-Tues we typically do our own thing, Wed she stays over, then our own thing Thurs and repeat. I want to make sure it's dynamic and engaging. I guess it's ok to spend that much time together but try to have more varied dates and activities. Part of my anxiety is the worry that she'll find it routine and won't be excited to spend the time, or will think it's too much time together. Have you guys dealt with that?
Babolat Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Something to think about, this down feeling. It could be neediness or clinging, or your fear to be alone. I have dealt with this in the past at times. You spend a lot of time together, days on end, then she is gone, you feel empty, alone, like you don't know "what now?". Are you still living your life, doing your thing, what you did before you met her? Are you spending time with your friends still, doing your hobbies, sports, interests, etc? If not, start to ASAP. 2
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Everyone gets into a routine, but that's just comfort and not really a bad thing. As long as you two are happy to spend time with one another that's all that matters.
jphcbpa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Something to think about, this down feeling. It could be neediness or clinging, or your fear to be alone. I have dealt with this in the past at times. Good point! Perhaps do some writing and exploring. She is not the problem, but she may be bringing some things up for you to work on. This is good. Treat it as a blessing. She could be your greatest teacher. 1
Author SameAsItEverWas Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 There's definitely something left over from childhood, and my parents separating when I was young. I'm going to go chat with someone, why not, it could only help. But I definitely agree, it's in me and I need to work on it, for sure. I def don't have any thoughts that she is to blame - she's been amazing. As of yet she has no idea I get like that. I don't feel comfortable sharing that, just yet. It's kind of needy! I'm still doing my activities and seeing my friends, as is she. I agree - the comfort is what brings us together. We don't even need to do anything. As soon as we are together its an 'event'. But I want to make sure there are still events and things for her to be excited about. Thanks for feedback, you guys.
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