unbeknown Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Okay sorry for the wall of text this might turn in to. Will try and keep it brief Basically been dating this girl for around 3 months (met online). Posted about her before where I wanted to see where I stood and was advised to just come out and ask her. We have been having sex at this point so I wanted to bring up a 'talk' of sorts to determine if she's seeing anyone else as I don't really want to be having sex with her if she's dating others. I did so and she said that she didn't really want a relationship (bare in mind neither do I at this point, having only known her for 3 months) but she loves hanging out with me and would like for things to just 'plod along' (her words) as they are and to see where it goes. She said she's not dating anyone else. This left me even more confused but we carried on for a few more dates. I took her to a theme park on one of the dates followed by food when we returned and then made the most of the sunset by heading down to the beach afterwards. She text me when she got in to say "thank you so so so much for such a lovely day. I had a lovely time with you etc etc". Then we went for a picnic on another date a week later. Then last week went for a a few drinks with her and spent the night at hers. When she asked me to stay I text her saying I would depending on how hot her room was (we're going through a heatweave and I don't cope well in the heat) and how late we stay out. She told me this really upset her basing my reasons for staying on practicality not because I might have wanted to see her before she went away. So she definitely cares about me. I'm still super fun around her and have her laughing loads. Then when we're in bed before going to sleep she brings up a talk herself. Basically asking me where do we stand (odd I think because I brought this up with her less than 3 weeks ago). She goes on to say she loves spending time with me but is really confused. She asked me if see her as friends because there is no romanticism there from my part. She asked me what the difference is for me between a relationship and friends. I really didn't know how to answer but I thought the best kind of relationships are built from being friends anyway? (I am NOT in the friend zone. I've been there before. This is not it so don't go down that road please.) She is just really confused. What does she mean by no romanticism? I've never really had a girlfriend before. What do I need to do to show her? I mean I'm caring towards her, treat her to food, take her on really nice days out, hold hands with her, cuddle in front of the TV. I don't know what more she wants from me? We kiss lots and she always has a smirk in her face (a look of happiness) when we kiss. When she wakes up in the morning she kisses me really passionatly. On my arms, on my neck on my face as if she is really in to me. Am I missing something here because I'm not used to these situations? She told me she didn't want a boyfriend but was that just a test? I would love to make her my girlfriend but want things to go slow. All I ask from her at this stage is exclusivity. I text her when I got home to tell her now I'm even more confused and I don't want to be led on. I told her it would be nice to meet up when she is back from Holidays to discuss 'us' in all open honesty. She agreed and said hopefully the holiday will sort her head out. I'm hoping that doesn't mean calling it all off. I've fallen for her I think. She's on holiday now and has already added 5 new guy friends on facebook. I know this is me being insecure but I can't get the image out of my head of her having sex with other people there. I shouldn't care. We're not exclusive but I do. Can anyone help me snap out of this insecurity? I hate it. Thanks for reading and any advice offered on how I should proceed with this It seems like such a waste to throw it all away becuase I still care about her and she cares about me from the signs I pick up. My only reasoning is I'm not that great in bed and that is her fear is getting stuck with that. I know things will improve over time with us but could this be the reason? Thanks.
Woop1337 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 As far as I'm concerned. What your doing (dates, showing her a great time)is just fine. Just don't verbalize your insecurities to a woman. Deal with that internally. If she's pretty there's always competition. When she said you lack romance, that's just contradictory to what you have been doing (taking her on dates, etc). Just keep taking her on great dates. And let her bring up the exclusivity subj. And I can't say it enough, deal with ur insecurity internally.
Author unbeknown Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Thanks for the reply. Yeah in my mind I'm doing all the right things which is why I'm confused. The picnic idea I thought was pretty romantic. It was a surprise and I took her to a place she hasn't been before with amazing views of the coast line. Brought some strawberries and cream for dessert etc. And thanks I definitely wasn't thinking about airing my insecurities with her The old me would have. And I have done in the past before (not an insecurity issue, more I told her I liked her too soon rather than 'showing her' that I liked her). Learnt my mistakes from that before.
Woop1337 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Verbally she might be indecisive, based on your original post. But her actions are the ones that matter. And accordin to you shes receptive and reciprocal with affection. Seems like she's really into you too though. Keep doing what your doing, your doing a good job bruh.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Romanticism is different to different people. How did you act towards her - physically - while at the amusement park and the beach?
FitChick Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Just ask her what she views as being romantic and then do it. Does she read a lot of chick lit? Perhaps she is expecting some of that silliness.
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