colgirl Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My husband and I used to regularly visit my in-laws at their home (it was always easier for us to visit them as they're getting on in years) and I loved seeing them - his dad is an excellent cook and we'd all enjoy a good chat over a lovely dinner and bottle of wine. We'd stay the night and leave sunday morning. I feel so sad that that won't happen anymore. Does anyone else feel the same? Also, I realise that at some point the girl that my ex is seeing may be invited back to his parents, so I feel like I'm being replaced and that is an uncomfortable feeling. How do other people deal with that feeling of being 'replaced', knowing that someone else is enjoying what you used to have?
hayewils Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Its hard to deal with sometimes. I also feel replaced, along with complete rejection. How to deal with it is tough. I just try to change my thought pattern, try to focus on other things. All easier said than done though. I wish i had better feedback on this. 1
will1988 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My father still is involved in his ex - in-laws (my grandparents') lives. They actually chose his side during the divorce etc... You can still see your in-laws i'm sure. 1
mbethb Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I'm only about 3 weeks into this process although it all took place over the past six months. Have you contacted your in-laws? I know mine have been very supportive and I have taken my kids to visit them. I know exactly how you feel. I LOVE my in-laws and truly feel I'm losing a part of my family. I went directly to them when my stbx finally left and explained to them that it was not my choice or desire to divorce. I guess all I can suggest is to reach out to them. Unfortunately, eventually everyone moves on. Don't feel replaced. Just realize your now have a different relationship with them. 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My husband and I used to regularly visit my in-laws at their home (it was always easier for us to visit them as they're getting on in years) and I loved seeing them - his dad is an excellent cook and we'd all enjoy a good chat over a lovely dinner and bottle of wine. We'd stay the night and leave sunday morning. I feel so sad that that won't happen anymore. Does anyone else feel the same? Also, I realise that at some point the girl that my ex is seeing may be invited back to his parents, so I feel like I'm being replaced and that is an uncomfortable feeling. How do other people deal with that feeling of being 'replaced', knowing that someone else is enjoying what you used to have? That's not unreasonable. My friend Jess went out with my friend Greg for years. His family loved her very much and they had a good bond, but he was a douche bag and she ended up having to just leave him. She felt weird about hanging out with or contacting his mother and I think he made a big stink about it a few times, even though his mother is a lovely woman and didn't mind spending time with Jess. Feeling replaced is never a fun feeling. It would be like being torn out of your own immediate family and having someone else put in place. How do you deal with it? That's something you'll have to figure out. Would he be against you talking to his parents? There's no law against that and if they like you, I don't see why you couldn't at least have a friendship with them...unless he's insecure about it. Either that or just take some time with your own family and friends and heal (or both). 1
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Does anyone else feel the same? Also, I realise that at some point the girl that my ex is seeing may be invited back to his parents, so I feel like I'm being replaced and that is an uncomfortable feeling. How do other people deal with that feeling of being 'replaced', knowing that someone else is enjoying what you used to have? I've never seen it from a replacement point of view, that never occured to me. I am still close to my former in-laws however, when my father-in-law was still alive him and I had much better conversations than I ever did with my parents. The only time I remember feeling a bit put out was when my ex husband's brother didn't invite me to his 40th since my ex husband's then girlfriend was going. With his current girlfriend however I'm not prevented from seeing my former in-laws so it's all good. For the moment anyway. 1
Author colgirl Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 I did go to see his parents a week after he left. It really saddened me to see that our wedding photo had already been removed from their wall:( I cried and told them that 'all this' is not what I wanted at all, and that this is about him and his wants. They're both lovely people and they suggested that they could come to mine sometime (my ex is staying with them now). They texted me later to say 'don't lose touch'. So I am going to invite them over, but I just don't want to hear anything about my ex or even worse - his new girlfriend. it's just that I feel so sad to think another woman will eventually be enjoying dinner at their home instead of me.
mbethb Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 it's just that I feel so sad to think another woman will eventually be enjoying dinner at their home instead of me. Trust me. I know the feeling. I didn't even think to look for our wedding photo when I was there this weekend. Probably for the best. Do keep in touch with them though. Just explain to them that you're still hurting and don't want to hear about your ex. Anyone can be friends, I'm sure they love you dearly. 1
Author colgirl Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 it's just that I feel so sad to think another woman will eventually be enjoying dinner at their home instead of me. Trust me. I know the feeling. I didn't even think to look for our wedding photo when I was there this weekend. Probably for the best. Do keep in touch with them though. Just explain to them that you're still hurting and don't want to hear about your ex. Anyone can be friends, I'm sure they love you dearly. Thank you, yes, they do love me, like I love them, but it's just so sad that this lovely life I had is now gone or at least changed. I think I will contact them at some point soon and invite them over. I can't bear to hear anything about him regarding girlfriends etc or what he's now thinking, it's still too raw. I haven't reached the 'indifferent' stage yet!
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I did go to see his parents a week after he left. It really saddened me to see that our wedding photo had already been removed from their wall:( I cried and told them that 'all this' is not what I wanted at all, and that this is about him and his wants. They're both lovely people and they suggested that they could come to mine sometime (my ex is staying with them now). They texted me later to say 'don't lose touch'. So I am going to invite them over, but I just don't want to hear anything about my ex or even worse - his new girlfriend. it's just that I feel so sad to think another woman will eventually be enjoying dinner at their home instead of me. You are dealing with loss and you are more sensitive as a result. You won't necessarily have to give them up. 1
mbethb Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I've not reached that stage either . I'm sure they understand completely. My bet would be you'll not even have to ask them not to discuss those things...most decent people would know better. 1
zoobadger Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My wife's step-mother has repeatedly reminded me that she'd love for me to bring the kids to their various family reunions. Her brothers and sisters-in-law have all been very kind and sympathetic and sincerely hope to continue seeing me and the kids at the step-mother's sprawling, beachfront home. My experience is probably unusual, but are you sure you can't continue to have a relationship with them? 1
Author colgirl Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Yes they made it clear to me that I mustn't lose touch. I will invite them over to my place but I think I should leave it a few more weeks (I only went over there a few weeks back). I guess that I'm just afraid of hearing something I don't want to hear and also, as I said earlier, I am really going to miss the old days of me and my husband going there together for weekends etc. I suppose in time, when my ex moves out of their place then I could go over there again on my own, but its just so sad to me, that the days of all four of us sitting round the table while his dad dishes up one of his lovely dinners and we're all chatting and laughing are all gone. I'm still at the adapting to my new life stage at the moment, having ok moments and sad moments and wondering how it could all come to this moments:confused:
zoobadger Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Thank you, yes, they do love me, like I love them, but it's just so sad that this lovely life I had is now gone or at least changed. I think I will contact them at some point soon and invite them over. I can't bear to hear anything about him regarding girlfriends etc or what he's now thinking, it's still too raw. I haven't reached the 'indifferent' stage yet! I totally understand. Although I knew in my heart that my marriage was probably doomed, I still had images of our kids returning home for the holidays from college to a warm, family home. I remind myself that this will still happen. It may be just me, me and another partner, or who knows what. But, still, it hurts to contemplate the loss of something I longed for even if I was realistic to know it was probably just a dream. 1
Caldespair Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 My sbxws father and I were very close and similar in many characteristics. Sine seperation I've not seen or heard from him or her other family members. Div sucks when it comes to these in law relationships. Each family has there own perspective on which partner at fault. Blood is thicker then water. 1
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