eesperanza Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I have been married for 9 years and we have a 4 year old. Throughout the marriage we have fought a lot due to my husband video gaming and my anger towards it. A year ago my husband asked to separate while we were already separated ( he had relocated due to work in LA and me and my daughter stayed back selling the house). At the end he agreed on giving it another try. And we arrived in LA a year ago. I found a job I love and I completely love the city. We starting working at our problems and even thought the video games were still there and I hate them with heart and soul and I have made it very clear I do, he finally said he doesnt love me and wants to end our marriage because due to my hurtful words while angry due to his gaming habits he cant find himself falling back in love with me again. He said if he loved me he would rather spent time with me than in the game. I am beyond hurt realizing that his gaming addiction drove me into becoming a living bitch and that he couldnt stop gaming to save his marriage. I am hoping some kind of miracle would happen and he would seek help for his gaming problem and we together could work at our problems and he would fall back in love with me. Is that even possible? He is a great dad, hard worker and a fun husband to be around while no playing. We do a lot during weekends and we have so much fun. But if in the house he is on his game. Should I give up and go through this pain right now and stop waiting on a miracle?
keepontruckin Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 How much gaming does he actually do? I mean, I'd hate to see an otherwise apparently good marriage with a child crumble over video gaming. If it's something like a couple of hours in the evenings, most people have hobbies like this of various sorts. If it is truly consuming the entire family as a whole in a negative fashion, have you had a genuinely serious sit-down communication effort with him? When he's not gaming? And have you brought your concerns forth in a serious, but non-confrontational manner? I only ask, because I know how hard it can be to communicate effectively with others when it really counts.
Author eesperanza Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 He usually plays almost every night from the time he gets home to until I start asking him to go to bed because I woke up and I heard him playing 2 am. If he spends the night with the family he starts playing when we have gone to bed. On a normal workweek he plays 3-4 days. On Sundays he can play from noon to until I start demanding to get off that game. So it is usually a fight. So. . I feel if he is not playing he is making an effort to be with the family while in the home. He has given up the game before but he crawls back and blames it. . "I can give up and you will find something else to complain about" I have spoken to him and I pretty much kick him out last Sunday. I told him get out there is no room in this house for you and your game. And he told me he did not love me any more and we were done. I guess I answer my own question we are done.
MrE_UK Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I have recently learnt the more someone complains and badgers their partner, the less they want to respond positively
Author eesperanza Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 He usually plays almost every night from the time he gets home to until I start asking him to go to bed because I woke up and I heard him playing 2 am. If he spends the night with the family he starts playing when we have gone to bed. On a normal workweek he plays 3-4 days. On Sundays he can play from noon to until I start demanding to get off that game. So it is usually a fight. So. . I feel if he is not playing he is making an effort to be with the family while in the home. He has given up the game before but he crawls back and blames it. . "I can give up and you will find something else to complain about" I have spoken to him and I pretty much kick him out last Sunday. I told him get out there is no room in this house for you and your game. And he told me he did not love me any more and we were done. I guess I answer my own question we are done.
GuyInLimbo Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I think the last time I played on a PlayStation was right around the time my first child was born 8 years ago. I played a lot when I was single (when I should have been going out and at least trying to get laid) and a little less when I was early on in my relationship with my wife. I'm a geek at heart, but ANYONE who plays video games every waking moment outside of work WITH a family has major issues. I know of other people who have this issue. It's an addiction, plain and simple. There's a time and a place for that crap, and this is clearly not it. Like any other addict, he's choosing his vice over his family. Either get help now or get the hell out. Period.
knh Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 My husband loves video games, but I'd rather he do that than spend his nights out doing who knows what. At least if he's playing video games, I know he's home and not getting into trouble. As he's gotten older with more responsibilities (he's 30), he's realized that he can't play 24/7 like he used to when he was a teen on summer vacation. I've gotten to the point now where I play with him so that we can spend more time together. It became an activity that bonded us and I have fun too. We have other issues right now, but gaming never really was one of them. Did you ever try playing with him? Was he receptive to that, or did he only want to game alone? It seems like your husband used video games to avoid you, and like you said, he admitted that he's not in love with you anymore. I don't think you being on him about the games caused him to fall out of love with you, because he was already avoiding you by playing in the first place. I think with any other addiction he needs to recognize that he has a problem and that it is damaging relationships around him. If he cannot admit that, then there will probably be little help for reconciliation in the near future.
Author eesperanza Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Yes, I Tried to join the game a couple of times. Once I joined the game and he got frustrated because I was not a good as him and I was holding him back and he would play and pretend he had fun but of course 1 hour or 2 were max for me, then he would keep playing for hours after me. So that did not work. a couple of years later we tried again and he purchased a WII and we played games together, the problem was that I like to have fun he wanted to beat scores and win; which made the process really painful. So I gave up too.* I also tried the position mentioned before "at least he is in the house and no outside getting in trouble" (in another occasion he gave up the game and he started going out every night), but the at least worked for me but I dont believe my daughter should get an at least. when and I am in the house he relies 100% in me to take care of her and if I am not in the house and he is in charge, he puts her in front of the TV and he goes and plays and checks on her between games. He got her a bunch of sing and dance games to play with her (she loves music); but he only plays with her when I have complained enough "again I become a bitch for demanding him to spend time with his daughter".* He is now making me feel, that I am a psycho, a weak person and a bitch because I am angry 24/7. He says "of course I will play my game because being with you is painful". Well, he is right I am an angry person right now towards him, but no towards the world. To the point that I was believing all these was my fault. But I am not, I have a great job working which I love for a great company with a lot of room to growth, I am highly educated, I work out every day, I cook, clean the house, take my daughter to school, soccer, swimming, theater, dancing, play with friends. I bath her, brush her teeth every night, take her to bed read a story. I do it all... and because I ask him for help and I get no help I get mad at him and *in return, he get "I dont think I can fall back in love with you".*
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