Author john 07 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 OP, who paid for the vaca? I paid for hotel. she wanted to pay for all the food.
Author john 07 Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Personally, I don't agree with any of the comments above, I haven't looked at any of their profiles but I'm guessing that they are all men ... The reason for her wanting to take a break could be as simple a reason as the fact that her emotions may well be overwhelming her. Did you both have a really good time on your vacation? Did you feel as though you connected well? If so it may be that she is realising that she has strong feelings for you and wants to take some time out to establish if the feelings are true or whether they have just been brought on by spending time together so closely for the vacation. I would say, be patient, wait and see what happens on Saturday, because I would say if she is meeting you for a meal on your one year anniversary it's very unlikely that she is going to break up with you. I also disagree with everyone saying do not contact her! That's crap, give her a text or something maybe on Thursday just to see how she is, so that she knows your thinking of her, this may be a test for her to see if you really are interested in her, just make sure you don't come across as needy and possessive because that is enough to send any girl running. I hope this helps Something I did forget to mention is that she did say that this time apart is NOT for her make a desicion of staying together or breaking up. She did say she wants to think about how she can do more for us. But she also did say the other things in my original post. Also to update, our vacay was alot of fun actually. havent laughed like that in a couple months lol. Also we are going to Bali in 2 weeks. I really hope this is not the end or I would have to cancel. She did say I dont think your fully understanding why I want this time apart. I was just frusterated so my mind could have been a bit off.
dasein Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 People are capable of thinking about being a better partner and having a better relationship without sending an unnecessary, thoughtless jolt of electricity up their partner's wazoo. And they especially don't do that in cases where their 1 yr. partner has done something to give them doubts without disclosing and discussing that. It's extremely selfish, thoughtless behavior OR she is not happy GIGS, etc., and handling the exit wrong. Either way is a no go for the future. Regardless of her intent or expectations, this person is immature and a bad bet for moving forward. I would cancel the Bali trip and begin detaching and moving on immediately, as so many others have wisely counseled. 2
Treasa Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 When she said you didn't understand why she was asking for this time apart, why didn't you say, "Ok, well, you need to tell me, otherwise I'm canceling the trip to Bali as well as our relationship." 1
shexy Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I wouldn't ask for break unless there was something REALLY bugging me, bad enough to consider if I want to break up or not. maybe something happened on the vacation?
SantistaUSA Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 As my personal experience, asking for a timed break is bad news, I hope that's not the case with you. Some people uses that so they won't feel guilty when seeing someone else. In their head is well we are on a break so it's ok! Just be yourself, don't keep thinking about it (I know it's hard), if she dumps you, just let it go, she just saved you a lot of headache.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Something I did forget to mention is that she did say that this time apart is NOT for her make a desicion of staying together or breaking up. She did say she wants to think about how she can do more for us. But she also did say the other things in my original post. Also to update, our vacay was alot of fun actually. havent laughed like that in a couple months lol. Also we are going to Bali in 2 weeks. I really hope this is not the end or I would have to cancel. She did say I dont think your fully understanding why I want this time apart. I was just frusterated so my mind could have been a bit off. I'm sorry, but I don't buy that. Something is not right here. Of course you don't understand why she needs this time off...she's being very cryptic and unclear about her intentions. She needs a 5-day break from you, but expects you to hang around? What is she doing in these 5 days that she needs space? OP, is there any chance a third party has come into the picture? (that you know of) I would advise NOT going to Bali with her. She's obviously having doubts about the relationship or she wouldn't have called time. Don't let her jerk you around like that.
therhythm Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Something I did forget to mention is that she did say that this time apart is NOT for her make a desicion of staying together or breaking up. She did say she wants to think about how she can do more for us. Well if you are buying that... I have a couple of bridges for sale :lmao: 3
bolase Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Sorry you're going through a tough and unexpected time. On one hand, I can relate to her in becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and/or doubt about the relationship and feeling like I'm not in the right place for one or not giving enough, RATHER than my boyfriend not being good enough. Y'know? Perhaps she feels overawed by you, like you will break up with her because she's not good enough, etc. In other words, if she is the insecure type or gets anxiety or is bipolar or depressed; she might feel that she is doing the best thing for both of you by taking a few days to herself to feel how she feels. That is one possibility (and it's not a great one, as she is immature emotionally/insecure in the relationship in that case, as I was in my early relationship - in the end we just weren't a good match) She might be doing this to try to regain some control over things. Far more likely though; she is thinking of calling it off but has to work it out so she has no regrets. Bottom line? You should know that you want to be with someone. You know. She doesn't know. It is very rough on you, but when you see her you should ask her what she wants and listen carefully to the answer. If she is unsure, it's not really meant to be. Relationships should be strong. The easy thing is to know you want to be with that person. The hard thing is all the other bits of it!
BradJacobs Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Also we are going to Bali in 2 weeks. Pursue being single/the other guy or go to Bali? Still not certain why it takes five days to figure that out.
Treasa Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 If she bails, I'll go to Bali with you! ****, I love travel. 1
MidwestUSA Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Agreed. Even if opinions differ, there's no reason to be disrespectful. Actually, that poster just posted a new thread. I think it's safe to say she knows next to nothing about men as well. Thanks for the tip and the laugh; you're right! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 So what happened? I need some update lol I'm curious to hear what happened too...
fujidabruin Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 As a guy who's been through this, I agree with the other posters. For whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, she's questioning her commitment to you. It doesn't necessarily mean there's another guy in the picture. But I'd be willing to bet that it means that, for whatever reason, she doesn't feel that you "rev her engine" anymore. If you did, she'd have difficulty wanting to be away from you for five days. There's a very simple way to test this: DON'T contact her during the five days. If I'm wrong in my suspicions, she'll contact you during the five days and express something about missing your or ask if you miss her. (And if she asks if you miss her, put the question back to her without answering.) The fact is that she's asking you to put your life on hold for five days while she figures out if she still wants to be with you. If you care about her, don't go out and date/sleep with other women during this time; give her that much respect. But by all means, get out and see your friends. Fill your time with activity and other commitments. Hit the gym. Do fun stuff. That way, by the time you see her on Saturday, you haven't spent five days moping and you'll be much more confident and able to take a breakup, if it comes to that. In short, don't spend five days pining for her. That's her job. Very nice Madman..... I agree fully. This seems to be the most practical yet empowering way to handle the situation. Don't jump the gun! Have respect and do not lose hope..... but be prepared for the worst, dude.
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