MrNate 2.0 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Dude, get ready to be dumped or jerked around. People, male or female, generally don't ask for breaks unless they're unhappy. And she even said she feels something is wrong. It's possible that she might just want some time to herself. I go through phases like that. But I have NEVER told a boyfriend, "I need to take a break, I'm wondering if you can become a great person to me, something feels wrong..." I say, "Sorry, but I just want some time away from everyone so I can reset. I'm just going into my Traci cave, but contact me if you need me." Very nice, Treasa. 3
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 It's one of two things, which are diametrically different. Either she's over it, or she expected a proposal on your little 1 year anniversary trip and is rethinking whether you're as invested as she wants/thought.
Treasa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 or she expected a proposal on your little 1 year anniversary trip and is rethinking whether you're as invested as she wants/thought. If that's the case, he's better off without her. That's a pretty crappy reason to get all pissy. 3
jphcbpa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 If that's the case, he's better off without her. That's a pretty crappy reason to get all pissy. and very poor communication towards someone you have been exclusive for nearly a year. hard not for one to assume when being put in this position, hard not to feel insecure and surely she knows that. why would you put your SO in that position if something was not wrong? 2
Treasa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 and very poor communication towards someone you have been exclusive for nearly a year. hard not for one to assume when being put in this position, hard not to feel insecure and surely she knows that. why would you put your SO in that position if something was not wrong? Exactly. For all she knows, he was going to propose ON their anniversary. Or maybe he just isn't ready yet because it's only been a year...or any reason, really! Making someone feel anxious and worried because you can't have an open discussion is pretty ****ty.
sdraw108 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 but here's the thing, you may have dated girls that have needed a break before, and maybe it was because they weren't interested any more, but that doesn't mean that this guys girl is the same, I've done it before, where I've said I needed a break, and it wasn't because I wanted to break off the relationship, it was purely because I needed time to think about where our relationship was going, and how the guy really felt about me, I don't think that you can get an accurate picture of how you feel if you are constantly around the other person, sometimes you just need the me time If you want to have time to analyse things without being around your SO, you simply spend a few days by yourself and not in their company. There's no need to tell them "we need to have a break while I think about things". For a start, it's incredibly selfish to put your SO that you supposedly care about through hell, if you're actually still interested and just wanted a few days to yourself. You're comparing apples (wanting time to yourself) with oranges ("let's have a break"), and its a terrible comparison. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My honest thoughts are that she hasn't been feeling it for a little while but didn't want to spoil the vacation. So, she waited until after to drop this bomb. Also, the fact that she has set a deadline of just 5 days makes me very suspicious. I'd be wondering who's she expecting to see or hear from within those 5 days that make her so sure she only needs until your anniversary on Saturday. That's my probably-cynical point of view. Don't contact her before then. 2
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 If that's the case, he's better off without her. That's a pretty crappy reason to get all pissy. How was she "pissy"? When a relationship isn't going the way I want, I take space. At least she asked for it, instead of going silent. 1
salparadise Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 and very poor communication towards someone you have been exclusive for nearly a year. hard not for one to assume when being put in this position, hard not to feel insecure and surely she knows that. why would you put your SO in that position if something was not wrong? Exactly. For all she knows, he was going to propose ON their anniversary. Or maybe he just isn't ready yet because it's only been a year...or any reason, really! Making someone feel anxious and worried because you can't have an open discussion is pretty ****ty. I agree. This is not going to be good news. And it's selfish and very hard on the other person. I had this happened to me last Christmas. She said she needed a month to mull things over and she'd let me know after the first of the year. I told her to just go ahead and call it off if she was so unsure. She said no, I really need time to think. I told her I thought that she had already decided, and so why put me through hell? She said no, that she had not decided. So I sent flowers, Christmas gifts and cards and occasional text messages. First of the year we talked and she said it's over. She was using that time to detach while keeping me on the string. So I suffered through December dreading and hoping, then I suffered all it over again afterward. It sucks and it's not fair to the other person. 1
RonaldS Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Hey, I was dating a girl who said the same thing...needed time to think, needed to figure this, that and the other out, see how she felt, etc. So, we went on a break, and she almost immediately started dating some other guy. We ended up getting married and having three kids. So, you never know, I guess. 2
jphcbpa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I agree. This is not going to be good news. And it's selfish and very hard on the other person. I had this happened to me last Christmas. She said she needed a month to mull things over and she'd let me know after the first of the year. I told her to just go ahead and call it off if she was so unsure. She said no, I really need time to think. I told her I thought that she had already decided, and so why put me through hell? She said no, that she had not decided. So I sent flowers, Christmas gifts and cards and occasional text messages. First of the year we talked and she said it's over. She was using that time to detach while keeping me on the string. So I suffered through December dreading and hoping, then I suffered all it over again afterward. It sucks and it's not fair to the other person. That is ice cold. But hey she did you a favor in the long run. Trust your gut!!!
jphcbpa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 My honest thoughts are that she hasn't been feeling it for a little while but didn't want to spoil the vacation. . OP, who paid for the vaca?
Eddie Edirol Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 If that's the case, he's better off without her. That's a pretty crappy reason to get all pissy. yeah seriously, instead of taking a break, if she wasnt sure about the relationship, she could have just talked to him about it. She is definitely gearing up to dump him. OP, be prepared for her to not tell you why she wants out, you might not get the real reasons from her. I predict she will say "lets be friends" on saturday. She is trying to let you down slowly instead of just dumping you all in one shot. She doesnt realize dragging it out is worse. I also think she is looking at someone else. I hope for your sake were all wrong.
GorillaTheater Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Hey, I was dating a girl who said the same thing...needed time to think, needed to figure this, that and the other out, see how she felt, etc. So, we went on a break, and she almost immediately started dating some other guy. We ended up getting married and having three kids. So, you never know, I guess. Not such a great start. Marriage going well?
Treasa Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 How was she "pissy"? When a relationship isn't going the way I want, I take space. At least she asked for it, instead of going silent. IF she was expecting an engagement ring, and then decided to take a "break" because she didn't get one, I think she's being pissy. What adult would put their loved one through that anxiety over something that could be handled via communication? 1
Eddie Edirol Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 For a start, it's incredibly selfish to put your SO that you supposedly care about through hell, if you're actually still interested and just wanted a few days to yourself. You're comparing apples (wanting time to yourself) with oranges ("let's have a break"), and its a terrible comparison. Ive done this, and the way they are the same (which I think is how people usually do it) is telling the dumpee NOT to contact you during the break, or self-time. YOu cant focus on figuring things out when they keep contacting you. But I now know that if I have to think about it, it aint right. Other people cut the contact so they can see the new person free of interruption. I think shes doing the latter. Not such a great start. Marriage going well? Actually no, hes separated and calls her STBXW, and wants to bang her friend. :lmao:
RonaldS Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Not such a great start. Marriage going well? We finalize our divorce on Sept 5th, so I would say 'not great'. But we got 12 years out of it after that break, so that's pretty good. And if I was OK being miserable my whole life, we would have been together until death.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 We finalize our divorce on Sept 5th, so I would say 'not great'. But we got 12 years out of it after that break, so that's pretty good. And if I was OK being miserable my whole life, we would have been together until death. Thats a great example RonaldS. If someone isnt sure about you, theres a reason, even if it takes them 12 years to realize it after the initial break.
GorillaTheater Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 We finalize our divorce on Sept 5th, so I would say 'not great'. But we got 12 years out of it after that break, so that's pretty good. And if I was OK being miserable my whole life, we would have been together until death. I'm sorry man, but I was willing to bet on that answer. Take heed, OP.
RonaldS Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Thats a great example RonaldS. If someone isnt sure about you, theres a reason, even if it takes them 12 years to realize it after the initial break. What are you talking about?
Divasu Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 it was purely because I needed time to think about where our relationship was going, and how the guy really felt about me, I don't think that you can get an accurate picture of how you feel if you are constantly around the other person, sometimes you just need the me time Same here. I've been in the position where I was skeptical about someone early on based on certain actions (or, should I say, non-actions), and I told the person I was taking a step back and needed to clear my head to reevaluate things. I don't know though in this case, these two have been together for a year and just got back from spending a good amount of time together. How well two people get a long together on their first vacation together, can reveal a lot.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Same here. I've been in the position where I was skeptical about someone early on based on certain actions (or, should I say, non-actions), and I told the person I was taking a step back and needed to clear my head to reevaluate things. And how did that end up?
Divasu Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 And how did that end up? Short version - it fizzled out.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Breaks are bullsh*t. I had a guy go on a break with me and it was torture. He never came back around. Just kind of drifted in and out of my life for the next few months. I was crazy about him, too. It was incredibly cruel. 2
BradJacobs Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 OP, who paid for the vaca? ^This and what the other poster added. Her feelings didn't change all of a sudden. Either she was using the vacation to try and feel something again or she was using you to get her vacation. Hopefully you got some hotel sex out of the deal. 1
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