Ambie Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I HAD a boyfriend for 2 years that i really loved but as of 10 minutes ago, he is gone. There's just been a gigantic load of crap leading up to a final ending and i guess that ending came tonight. I really havent felt very satisfied with the relationship on an emotional level for a couple of weeks now. Boys are sometimes immature and have short attention spands and that, for me is hard to cope with. I hate not being able to have a serious conversation and I really hate it that i dont feel needed or wanted or important and I wonder if in the end, it's been me all along... Is it considered too picky or expecting too much to just want a guy to love you no matter what and desperately want for him to confide in you or to say the right things atleast sometimes? I dont want to get too sentimental here but i lost my virginity to this guy b/c i thought he was the one that would stay and love me no matter what and it's wierd b/c i still feel that way. He made me break up with him...it sounds odd but it went like this: "Please just do it, i dont want to hurt you anymore, i hate dissapointing you..." and he went on with all the "terrible" **** he does for an hour or so, and i felt bad for him because he said he deserved to loose me and that it would hurt him even more if i wasnt the one to end it. I'm heart broken and would really love some advice or comments...anything. I wonder if him saying he doesnt want to hurt me is some lame excuse for something else. What do you think?
shaker1973 Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 He thinks he is being honest and at the same time trying to make you feel better about the break up so he doesn't feel so rotten about what a peice of crap he is. My ex did the same thing to me he cried and made so many excuses how I would be etter off with out him. And you will be - just as I will be - it will only take time. Just remember you dis nothing to deserve it, it's not your fault - it's him. You deserve better and will find it one day. Take it slow - one day at a time.
Merin Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I'm sorry you're feeling so bad... When he said he deserved to lose you, believe him. People don't as a rule lie about that kind of thing... I think it sucks that he didn't have the back bone to end things with you, if that is what he had wanted... just shows what a coward he is, and that he didn't want the emotional burden of being the one to do so. I most definately think he is being lame and taking the easy way out instead of being honest with you about his reason(s) for wanting the break up... In time you will start to feel better, I promise;) Keep posting!
jcweik Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 Hes to much of a coward to break up with you, so he had you do it.
hulavie Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 Originally posted by Ambie I dont want to get too sentimental here but i lost my virginity to this guy b/c i thought he was the one that would stay and love me no matter what and it's wierd b/c i still feel that way........ Ambie.... I know it sucks. But sh*t like that happens. What has happened cannot be changed. Don't sit and blame yourself gurl. Hold your chin up, cheer up, move on. If he sincerely and genuinely loves you for who you are, he will realise his loss one day... Don't sit and wait though.
Weird Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 yeah guy sounds like he acted like a coward and took the easy way out and also tried to dump the feelings on you to maybe make you feel guilty. Who knows. That guy is weird...but all of us guys aren't. Now you females...you are a weird bunch, hence my handle here.
Author Ambie Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 last night he IMed me and told me he was sorry...and that he realized he was wrong. He asked me to be with him agian and i just wanted to know, if any of you were in my situation would you go back right away like that?
sami Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 Go and teach him how to behave with girls next times. You may need big balls to deal with such crab. Don't worry! You can borrow them. Good luck.
chicothechimp Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 buuuuuuuuuuuuuut... you do have to make sure that he doesn't take your heart and affection/love for granted... I would suggest asking him to take a few days to think how he could have handled the situation better.... and then havehim take you to the restaurent of YOUR CHOICE at HIS EXPENSE to explain how he should have done things different... this isn't playing games... this is amking sure that he understands that he could have lost you (and still could) if he doesn't treat you better/more mature. THat is my take on things. Be discerning and take care of your heart! Chico
Author Ambie Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 That's really helpful, i do think i should give him a while to maybe think things through and see if he actually wants me back. And I think he owes it to me to do something nice like take me out somewhere but i'm not so sure i want to impose on him...if he didnt want me yesterday, what's a little "break" going to change? I wonder if going back is smart, i wonder if things will be just the way they were. I love him more than anything and would love to be with him but also i'd love to feel appreciated and loved in returned. I'd love to feel needed and special and he's asked me how to make me feel all those things, as though he were going to make an honest effort. But it doesnt seem like he is and the suggestions i gave him were to listen to me when i talk...have you ever confided in someone and just told them every little thing and they just sit there? I HATE that. I like to have actual conversations and with him i feel like there's always something else on his mind or that what i have to say isnt worth anything to him...and it sucks! I dont mean to throw out generalities like "Why do guys do that" or "why dont they listen" but sometimes it really does seem that way. Also I wonder if it's just me being an idiot, like i want him to drop everything to talk to me or be with me but i really dont think i'm like that at all. I feel like maybe i put too much pressure on guys and they just get bored with me but then again is it so bad to yearn for some kind of deep or maybe i dont know, interesting or important conversation?
chicothechimp Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I think kit is not imposing for you to ask your BF to think through how he could have done things differently.... nor is it imposing to ask him to take you to dinner... you are trying to understand guys so I offer you this... the dumbest thing I did this summer was tell my GF that I didn't always listen to her whilke she talked on the phone... a couple of times when she was on the phone telling me about her day (it seemed like the same old ****... but I should have listening attentively none the less) I put the phone down and had to take a whizz... I would come back and she would still be talking... she never noticed... it didn't happen more than a few of times at most... but it sshouldn't have happened at all... I should have either asked her to give me a minute or else let me take a whizz while she waited on the phone (I had taken whizzes before while I was on the phone and she did not mind... as long as she knew)... well, the dumbest thing I did was tell what I had done in August sometime... she seemed to take it well... but my the end of August she broke up with me... I am not saying this this is the reason she broke up with me... but I do think that it affected things... everyone wants someone to listen to them... I always experienced excellent communication between us... or so I thought.... I now realize that in those moments where I just chose to put the phone down and leave her talking to thin air that I had betrayed her confidence and trust... it is a very foolish thing in hindsight... yes, I would get tired at times about the way she nattered on about certain people at work... and she seemed cheap in giving people forgiveness from time to time... but she is also a very caring person who is very intelleigent, caring, fiery, sensitive, adventurous and stubborn! sometimes us guys take things and people for granted... without question, I took my GF for granted... I think that this is part of the problem that came up... there is still much I do not understand because she simply won't talk about it... my attitude is that COMMITMENT means sticking around and working things out like adults do... for whatever reason she needs 'time', 'space' & 'time to be alone'. Others on this board have said that that means she just wanst to break up and leave it all in the past.... but this chick is different in that she genuinely wants to get together every now and then and stay friends... how that will work I don't know (I asked her for an extended time apart to work matters out)... but I know that we had a very good relationship in many regards... we had a good many things that other couples just never seemed to have. sometimes us guys say and do the dumbest things... I don't understand why I thought taking a whizz was more important that her... but it is one of those things that I regret deeply because of how it hurt her... sometimes us guys also get reckless in what we say... hope that helps understand things. some guys are just plain self-centered and don't want to listen to anyone for an extended period of time ... I hope that this BF is not one of those poeple... that would be hell... your desire to be treated special, listened to for extended lengths of time and to be cared for in very special ways are ALL TOTALLY VALID DESIRES. Chico
Author Ambie Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 Yeah, tonight my boyfriend...or not boyfriend...called me and we talked for a while about the things i really want and he admitted pretty much the same things you say you admitted to your girlfriend. He doesnt so much go and pee but he just zones out and ignores me...he's into computer games which isnt really wierd i mean he likes those medal of honor type games (that's the only game i can remember the name of but anyways...) and i guess they, to a guy can be more interesting than their girlfriend saying the same old stuff she always says but if he would talk to me the way that i talk to him...I would be so interested and listen so intently. And I guess that's where he and i are different. But it's nice to know that it isnt just me being boring or too talkative to the point to where he hates to listen... it's nice to know other guys do pretty much the same thing. I mean, it certainly isnt a good thing that guys do that (i suppose they all do?) but atleast it isnt just a problem with me. Also, i guess it's important to say something about my boyfriend, not really in his defense because i do believe what he did was pretty ****ty, but he is a good guy and there's no doubt in my mind that he loves me. And he truely isnt one of those boys who would just be so self centered as to not care what anyone has to say...i think he just gets sort of bored and i cant say i really BLAME him for that but i do think he should listen anyway because i would do the same for him. But to the point, thatnks a lot chico for your comments, i appreciate them a lot and it really sort of helps me get things in perspective and feel like maybe my boyfriend doesnt really hate me or find me too terribly boring...
kevinlovesamber Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 chico i also thank you,i have learned and feel beter knowing im not"defective" in the way i act to my girlfriend.. i act exactly the same way as ambie's boyfriend....im planing on taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then going to see a movie, over the weekend when we both have free time to see eachother..it all up to her tho.
chicothechimp Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 All the best to you two as you re-build things and also have some serious fun again! Chico
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