memyselfi Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I have been struggling about wanting to see him in real, we've been in a relationship for more than 6 months, I have learned the hard way and yes Im still not through it, we both are learning from this relationship, and I think we both want this to happen. But this past days, I have been wanting to hear from him talking about seeing me, Im from Philippines and he's from AL,USA. I just think that its time for us to take another step higher from what we have now, his kids and i are ok, I get to talk to his kids, we get along well, and I feel like we love each other, we spend talking every now and then, everyday, day and night for some time. I just dont know how to make him realize who am I really for him, we have plans we talked about it before he said he want me to be with him. But no exact date of when will it happen. Any advice will help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 You mentioned that you two talk day and night every day, does this guy have a job? I don't mean to sound mean but meeting you and visiting costs money and it isn't cheap. Has he said anything about plans to visit you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Yes, he talked about coming to visit me, he has a job as a cable guy and got 2 kids, in high school and college, I dont know how much money he got, I never asked about that. I just thought that its already time for me and him to meet. But I am afraid to discuss it with him as to when would that be, cause as I said he talked about it already. But I wish there'd be definite time or maybe a goal like we will be meeting by the end of this year, something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 Yes, he talked about coming to visit me, he has a job as a cable guy and got 2 kids, in high school and college, I dont know how much money he got, I never asked about that. I just thought that its already time for me and him to meet. But I am afraid to discuss it with him as to when would that be, cause as I said he talked about it already. But I wish there'd be definite time or maybe a goal like we will be meeting by the end of this year, something like that. I hope he definitely makes plans for someone to look after the high-schooler, so he can go over there. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 He probably can't afford to travel, especially if he is supporting his kids and sending one through college. Can't you find a nice retired American guy in the Philippines? There are lots of them. Isn't there an AFB or Naval base there as well, if you want someone younger? Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 I Love this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 I hope he definitely makes plans for someone to look after the high-schooler, so he can go over there. There are some of his family who could look after the high schooler, he infact talked to the kids already and told them he will come visit me but no definite date. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 What am I missing? Say this: "We've spent a lot of time talking over the past six months. I think it is time for us to make definite plans to meet in person. I think we should plan for an in person meeting by the end of the year so we know we aren't wasting our time." Then see how he responds. You need to press him for a definite date, and if he doesn't seem interested in making it happen, you should assume you are just a virtual thing to him, and move on. Ultimately, you can't force him to get on a plane and fly to the Philippines. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Huh... it just occurred to me.... how sure are you this guy is really single? He has two kids, and keeps putting off visiting you. This sounds to me like the mother of those two kids may still be in the picture and that's why he can't just up and leave. What's the story with the kid's mother? Moreover... when you've talked to the kids, do they know you're his girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 Huh... it just occurred to me.... how sure are you this guy is really single? He has two kids, and keeps putting off visiting you. This sounds to me like the mother of those two kids may still be in the picture and that's why he can't just up and leave. What's the story with the kid's mother? Moreover... when you've talked to the kids, do they know you're his girlfriend? yes they do know im the gf, he is divorced and apparently ex wife died 2012, so he is very much single and grandma of the kids knows about me, and some of his friends and his parents, now i have my photos on his wall, got picture too on his table in living room. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Six months later and you STILL haven't met. You're his pen pal from the Philippines. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 You can't make someone come and see you any more than you can make someone love you. And if he doesn't want to come and see you without you 'making' him and there are no valid reasons preventing him, this might not truly be the sort of relationship you hope/think it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memyselfi Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 You can't make someone come and see you any more than you can make someone love you. And if he doesn't want to come and see you without you 'making' him and there are no valid reasons preventing him, this might not truly be the sort of relationship you hope/think it is. Ive accepted my fate with him, he wont be coming, he doesnt want to spend for me, i know that for the fact, i was i guess just so in denial because of the feeling i had for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 What am I missing? Say this: "We've spent a lot of time talking over the past six months. I think it is time for us to make definite plans to meet in person. I think we should plan for an in person meeting by the end of the year so we know we aren't wasting our time." Then see how he responds. You need to press him for a definite date, and if he doesn't seem interested in making it happen, you should assume you are just a virtual thing to him, and move on. Ultimately, you can't force him to get on a plane and fly to the Philippines. This is RIGHT on the money! A little over a year ago I started corresponding with an Eastern European gentleman. He assured me he would be in America within a several months (I wouldn't have spoken to him otherwise) on a business/tourist visa and I didn't mind because I had just moved back from Europe and was preoccupied with job hunting. Then he "won the visa lottery" that May and a bunch of excuses ensued. He gave me some story about how it's difficult for his countrymen to get visas, so he was thinking we would meet in a neighboring country (Mexico). That was last September (9 months after we met online). Then by October, I asked, so have you decided if you're coming to Mexico? Unless you don't want to see me. Then he says he's going on a mission trip with orphans in Africa in December for a month so Jan/Feb sounds more realistic for us to meet up. Then I said, ok, but it makes the most sense to come to your country. Then the November I said, "plans and intentions without action is like a car without gas/petrol; pointless and going nowhere. There's been way too many loose plans; I need something concrete. I need a specific date." I asked him if there was something he was afraid of; he said no. So I said if you're serious, then you should get the ticket by the end of the month (family was well off). He said, "no problem getting you the ticket but why the end of this month (November)?" He said, "I just bought my ticket for Africa days ago. I will buy it when I return. I come back the 8th." I said, ok, Friday January 10th is the deadline. He said, "but I'll need a few days to settle in, etc." I said, ok, January 12, the Sunday and that's final. On January 7th (mind you he said he was returning to Europe on the 8th) he wrote me an email about how he fell in love in Africa. LOL. What a coinky dink!!! My European friends and I call bull shet. He either had a girlfriend already at some point last year and/or he wasn't really planning on getting me the ticket and thought "oh shet, she means business" when I put my foot down about a definite date and he knew it was "game over." I pretty much started getting suspicious that he was bs'ing me after the whole Mexico thing. Lesson learned: if a guy is fully sold on you he will make a way and you won't have to be the one pushing it. However, no way I loved him; we never met in real life and I can't fathom loving someone I never even embraced and I even started dating locally in the fall. The joke is on him b/c he thinks he'll be here by May on his visa, but his case number is high and there are 40k more winners this year so even if he does get a visa, it wont be until Aug/Sep and there's a great chance he might not even get it. Would be quite hilarious if he didn't because I know exactly who he'll call with a sob story about how he made a mistake, etc. if his plan A fails. America by any means is he and his best friend's motto. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. You'd be surprised what boredom leads people to do. Find an American in your country as FitChick said. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Three months is my limit if we've been talking and emailing the whole time. That is quite a generous amount of time for anyone who is truly invested in having a real, serious relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Three months is my limit if we've been talking and emailing the whole time. That is quite a generous amount of time for anyone who is truly invested in having a real, serious relationship. This. Anything else unless there's some super duper special extenuating circumstance, is a waste of time. Honestly. And if money is the biggest deterrent then you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship anyway. Edited January 22, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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