FightClub Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, I was thinking about what I wanted to say and I figured, just say it. Three years ago I was the other man, the guy who was confused, unsure of what an affair was and how I ended up in the situation that inevitably ended with strict No Contact. The truth is, I am no longer the OM, the once exMW I was involved is no longer the married woman and she met someone else in the end, anyway. I didn't have to break No Contact to find out or dig for the information, it was by chance that it found me. Without this forum and all the wonderful people who share their personal stories, give different perspectives and really give an all around view I don't think I would have ever healed as much as I have. I had so many questions when the exMW disappeared and it was you, all of you on the board, directly and indirectly that helped me find my way back to the answers. Forgiving myself, forgiving her and allowing myself to open again, it was tough and it was a long time before I could start dating again without feeling that I was always going to end up in a situation similar to my relationship with exMW. Regardless of what side of the affair someone was on it provided me so much information that it helped me beyond compare and I hope that my time here has also provided guidance to those who desperately needed someone to help them in their own situation. For those of you reading this that have communicated with me, replied or just gave me advice, I honestly have to say thank you for everything and those of you who stumble upon my story or are just trying to find the answers to their own situations, I want you to know that everyone makes mistakes and it can be hard sometimes to let go of the past or let go of a relationship that is bringing you closer to sadness instead of happiness, I want you to know that it's okay to let go and find yourself again in the silence of your own thoughts and feelings. Don't let fear stop you from living an authentic life with someone who makes you and only you the priority in their life. Don't settle for the crumbs or the words, it's their actions and what they choose to do that make a real difference. Seek therapy, talk to a counselor, a friend, family, church, vent on loveshack but make sure you make a choice! Don't sit there and do nothing, be someone, be better than the person you were before because it only gets better when you decide to make a choice, trust me. I was someone who left school, bounced from job to job, lost friends and gave a year of my life talking to someone long-distance because at the time I thought she was in a bad situation, that I was finally communicating with someone worth my time and in this magical tale we would somehow end up together with her leaving her marriage to be with me. I have changed since that time, I am college student, I am a hardworker and I worked to rebuild relationships with friends and family that I lost, all because of the affair that helped me see what I was missing in my life; direction. The reality is that after we slept with each other, had the whole 'magical honeymoon' for a weekend, it was gone and so was she, only to come back out of guilt one time to confess that we were meant to be, just not right now. Don't buy into it, shut the door and never look back, walk forward and keep your head held high knowing there is so many things ahead of you that will blow away all the previous notions of an affair partner that you think might be 'the one.' My time on Loveshack has come to an end and the affair is long behind me. Sometimes being on the forum too long can bring you right back to where you started and I recognize that now. I found all the answers I needed, the healing from so many incredible people on this forum, advice and things I never would have learned until much later in life or would have repeated were avoided because I made a choice to do the right thing, if you can't something good, do something right in your life. What happens next may just surprise you. One last thing for everyone here, whatever side of the affair you are on or were on, look deep inside yourself and ask the question, 'Am I truly happy with where my life is in regards to this affair?', if you feel conflicted or depressed, consider that it might be time to forgive yourself and walk away from the affair...just walk far away and never go back to it. Start fresh without the burden and baggage of the past and smile. For me everything is right where it should be and what happens from this point on is fate, so I just keep walking forward to a better future. Much love and happiness to everyone! Best regards, -FC A personal thank you MissBee, LadyGrey, Betterdeal, Owl, Spice4Life, FooledOnce, East7, Gentlegirl, BB07, Beenburned, Emme, Confused4Now, MorningCoffee, Barsitter and so many others, I can't thank you enough for all of your advice and suggestions. I really don't know what I would have done without this beautiful place. Edited July 23, 2013 by FightClub 9
MissBee Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Hey guys, I was thinking about what I wanted to say and I figured, just say it. Three years ago I was the other man, the guy who was confused, unsure of what an affair was and how I ended up in the situation that inevitably ended with strict No Contact. The truth is, I am no longer the OM, the once exMW I was involved is no longer the married woman and she met someone else in the end, anyway. I didn't have to break No Contact to find out or dig for the information, it was by chance that it found me. Without this forum and all the wonderful people who share their personal stories, give different perspectives and really give an all around view I don't think I would have ever healed as much as I have. I had so many questions when the exMW disappeared and it was you, all of you on the board, directly and indirectly that helped me find my way back to the answers. Forgiving myself, forgiving her and allowing myself to open again, it was tough and it was a long time before I could start dating again without feeling that I was always going to end up in a situation similar to my relationship with exMW. Regardless of what side of the affair someone was on it provided me so much information that it helped me beyond compare and I hope that my time here has also provided guidance to those who desperately needed someone to help them in their own situation. For those of you reading this that have communicated with me, replied or just gave me advice, I honestly have to say thank you for everything and those of you who stumble upon my story or are just trying to find the answers to their own situations, I want you to know that everyone makes mistakes and it can be hard sometimes to let go of the past or let go of a relationship that is bringing you closer to sadness instead of happiness, I want you to know that it's okay to let go and find yourself again in the silence of your own thoughts and feelings. Don't let fear stop you from living an authentic life with someone who makes you and only you the priority in their life. Don't settle for the crumbs or the words, it's their actions and what they choose to do that make a real difference. Seek therapy, talk to a counselor, a friend, family, church, vent on loveshack but make sure you make a choice! Don't sit there and do nothing, be someone, be better than the person you were before because it only gets better when you decide to make a choice, trust me. I was someone who left school, bounced from job to job, lost friends and gave a year of my life talking to someone long-distance because at the time I thought she was in a bad situation, that I was finally communicating with someone worth my time and in this magical tale we would somehow end up together with her leaving her marriage to be with me. I have changed since that time, I am college student, I am a hardworker and I worked to rebuild relationships with friends and family that I lost, all because of the affair that helped me see what I was missing in my life; direction. The reality is that after we slept with each other, had the whole 'magical honeymoon' for a weekend, it was gone and so was she, only to come back out of guilt one time to confess that we were meant to be, just not right now. Don't buy into it, shut the door and never look back, walk forward and keep your head held high knowing there is so many things ahead of you that will blow away all the previous notions of an affair partner that you think might be 'the one.' My time on Loveshack has come to an end and the affair is long behind me. Sometimes being on the forum too long can bring you right back to where you started and I recognize that now. I found all the answers I needed, the healing from so many incredible people on this forum, advice and things I never would have learned until much later in life or would have repeated were avoided because I made a choice to do the right thing, if you can't something good, do something right in your life. What happens next may just surprise you. One last thing for everyone here, whatever side of the affair you are on or were on, look deep inside yourself and ask the question, 'Am I truly happy with where my life is in regards to this affair?', if you feel conflicted or depressed, consider that it might be time to forgive yourself and walk away from the affair...just walk far away and never go back to it. Start fresh without the burden and baggage of the past and smile. For me everything is right where it should be and what happens from this point on is fate, so I just keep walking forward to a better future. Much love and happiness to everyone! Best regards, -FC A personal thank you MissBee, LadyGrey, Betterdeal, Owl, Spice4Life, FooledOnce, East7, Gentlegirl, BB07, Beenburned, Emme, Confused4Now, MorningCoffee, Barsitter and so many others, I can't thank you enough for all of your advice and suggestions. I really don't know what I would have done without this beautiful place. So happy for you FC! I'm really pleased to hear of your growth and all the great stuff happening for you and wish you continued happiness, success and growth. Thanks for sharing, and I'm sure your words will be meaningful to someone else
Praying4Peace Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 FightClub, I've read all your threads on here and so happy to hear you are doing well. Come back once more....when you've found The One :love: 1
hippetyhop Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Thank you for your kind words and support. Best of luck!
skywriter Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 FightClub, What a beautiful post! I related to everything you said. I've been out of my A for 14 months now and have a single boyfriend. I read post here and have alot of empathy towards what the the posters are going through. I wish you peace, love and happiness for all of your days.
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