do you think our generation is lost in relationships?

July 23, 2013

Im 24 and at present in a relationship. Its not conventional but so far it works and we are crazy in lust and love.

He is a little older than me and very traditional.

Being around him has made me realise how many people are so lost in relationships.

I cant see most people of my generation married or in a long relationship.

I picture people partying and having sexual hookups.

Our culture no longer seems encouraging of a healthy relationship. They are almost seen as boring.

I also find it strange how men talk to women...they will openly discuss alcohol drugs how many women they have been with, they will cat call or call you rude names and presumably they feel this makes them sexually attractive.

Women also do this...discussing sexual partners with men and i cant see how men would find this alluring.

It just seems everyone has become quite hedonistic and self destructive. They dont seem to be able to value a person.

My current bf made me realise this because his approach to me was shy, took a long time and was natural and unforced compared to men of my age who really have no game...just anaggressive macho facade.

I dont know...what are your thoughts?

July 23, 2013

The wheels have completely fallen off the wagon in this society when it comes to relationships.

The way your current BF is does it turn you on or make you want to run?

July 23, 2013

I'm 25. Most people I know are in long term committed relationships or married. Some of them got married as young as 21. And pretty much all of them are college educated, career minded people. Hardly the conservative, rural, traditional types.

So, maybe we've just hung out in different types of crowds...

July 23, 2013

Woggle:

I love the way he is with me.

He is a man in all the right senses of the word...he isnt sexist or patronizong. He never puts me down. He just is himself with an air of self sufficience and he appreciates me as i am and lets me do my thing whilst also being protective. I feel safe when im with him but never deficient. I think thats how its meant to be.

Many guys my age seem to think the only way to feel like a man is to put a woman down.

July 23, 2013

Woggle:

I love the way he is with me.
He is a man in all the right senses of the word...he isnt sexist or patronizong. He never puts me down. He just is himself with an air of self sufficience and he appreciates me as i am and lets me do my thing whilst also being protective. I feel safe when im with him but never deficient. I think thats how its meant to be.

Many guys my age seem to think the only way to feel like a man is to put a woman down.

The thing is that you reward him for being the way he is. Men do what works. We are very results oriented people. We see what we want and we do what it takes to get that and the way he acts makes many women these days run while at the same time complaining that there are no good men. Sad but true. If people see no return on their investment they will stop investing.

July 23, 2013

Im 24 and at present in a relationship. Its not conventional but so far it works and we are crazy in lust and love.

He is a little older than me and very traditional.

Being around him has made me realise how many people are so lost in relationships.

I cant see most people of my generation married or in a long relationship.
I picture people partying and having sexual hookups.
Our culture no longer seems encouraging of a healthy relationship. They are almost seen as boring.

I also find it strange how men talk to women...they will openly discuss alcohol drugs how many women they have been with, they will cat call or call you rude names and presumably they feel this makes them sexually attractive.

Women also do this...discussing sexual partners with men and i cant see how men would find this alluring.

It just seems everyone has become quite hedonistic and self destructive. They dont seem to be able to value a person.

My current bf made me realise this because his approach to me was shy, took a long time and was natural and unforced compared to men of my age who really have no game...just anaggressive macho facade.

I dont know...what are your thoughts?

As with most things, I have mixed views.

I too think that the way a lot of people are is excessively hedonistic - however, I believe it to be an extreme rebellion against the traditional values that you talk about - some people may have believed them to be oppressive to the way they naturally are. Now that there is no filter, self-destruction is likely at times.

Our culture has shifted from one of reservedness and practicality to one of instant gratification and an all-or-nothing attitude to a lot of things in life. Instead of riding it like the tide, we get swept up in it all. Me personally, I don't allow myself to be. I have my own code of ethics and I stick to that. A fusion of both a time past and the present.

I believe people who want to party and bullsh*t should do that. Not excessively so, but go for it. And the people who want relationships and stuff should go for it too. Let us experience growth and expansion the way we are supposed to as individuals instead of doing what we did in the past and what we're doing now - ostracizing those with different values because it's "wrong" or "boring".

July 23, 2013

Woggle im very aware that i make sure to show him i appreciate him.

I always say thanks and tell him im grateful. Im a bit like a mum with a kid always telling him when i am proud of something he says or does

When he comes back from work tired and complains i always say how proud i am of him and give him a massage. I do these things because i like to and he also does them for me.

After all women also need to know they are appreciated.

He is greatful for things i almost find funny

I told him when we met that i dont drink much alcohol and he told me how thats a good quality to him...he also drinks less without me even saying anything. He says he wants to be a better man for me. I think a large part of that is my always showing appreciation for him but also being honest about what makes me happy

If i want a massage i tell him i want one. I dont try to play a game around it.

July 23, 2013

Woggle im very aware that i make sure to show him i appreciate him.

I always say thanks and tell him im grateful. Im a bit like a mum with a kid always telling him when i am proud of something he says or does

When he comes back from work tired and complains i always say how proud i am of him and give him a massage. I do these things because i like to and he also does them for me.

After all women also need to know they are appreciated.
He is greatful for things i almost find funny
I told him when we met that i dont drink much alcohol and he told me how thats a good quality to him...he also drinks less without me even saying anything. He says he wants to be a better man for me. I think a large part of that is my always showing appreciation for him but also being honest about what makes me happy

If i want a massage i tell him i want one. I dont try to play a game around it.

The both of you are very lucky to have found this. It is very hard in this day and age.

July 23, 2013

Thanks woggle. Hopefully it will last!

July 23, 2013

During my years in school, what you're describing wasn't any different and I'm over a decade older than you. People partied in school and settled down after they entered the work force.

How is your relationship unconventional? And if you're in an unconventional relationship, how is he traditional?

July 23, 2013

Haha well we are from different cultures and backgrounds and also different ages.

His mindset with regards to relationships is traditional.

July 23, 2013

During my years in school, what you're describing wasn't any different and I'm over a decade older than you. People partied in school and settled down after they entered the work force.

How is your relationship unconventional? And if you're in an unconventional relationship, how is he traditional?

The shift was already occurring by then it would seem!

And to be honest, something tells me that the lament for previous times is simply history repeating itself

July 23, 2013

People were wild when I was 19 and people always had their fun but there is a real nastiness and viciousness to men and women relationships that doesn't go away as people get older and mature. The genders increasingly act like adversarial forces and it is destroying modern relationships.

July 23, 2013

The shift was already occurring by then it would seem!

And to be honest, something tells me that the lament for previous times is simply history repeating itself

Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.

Wait for it.....

~ Plato

July 23, 2013

The difference today is that people never grow out of it. I see 40 year olds who still act like that.

July 23, 2013

Okay i understand that society has always had its wild crazy youth...

But i think certain changes in our culture and society have made real relationships hard to find.

Some of these are:

Technology promoting lazy communication and less effort

Consumerism and materialism making shallow partners

Club lifestyle that glorifies promiscuity from university age up

Abundance of pornography, most very explicit, seen by children of very young ages due to accessability to internet on phones and ipads

I think these factors are making many people feel they dont need a relationship. Why bother when you can get everything else for free and then trade in a partnee?

July 23, 2013

Okay i understand that society has always had its wild crazy youth...

But i think certain changes in our culture and society have made real relationships hard to find.

Some of these are:

Technology promoting lazy communication and less effort
Consumerism and materialism making shallow partners
Club lifestyle that glorifies promiscuity from university age up
Abundance of pornography, most very explicit, seen by children of very young ages due to accessability to internet on phones and ipads

I think these factors are making many people feel they dont need a relationship. Why bother when you can get everything else for free and then trade in a partnee?

The club lifestyle has been around for decades but definitely spot on with the rest.

The addiction to technology has replaced wholesome family values for the most part.

July 23, 2013

The difference today is that people never grow out of it. I see 40 year olds who still act like that.

This hasn't changed either. There used to be 40 year olds who did the same, back when.

You have to bear in mind that life expectancies have increased since the 1950s which people use as the golden age litmus test. But really, the 50s that people keep holding up like the example of all that's good, was one they've constructed from movies and TV shows. In the 50s, people did what people do now. They were just more covert about their crazies and wore thicker masks to hide their differences.

Give me today, where crazy people are more overt so it's easier to figure out who they really are beneath their thin social masks.

Woggle, you're going to one of those cranky old men when you hit your senior years, complaining about everyone else but if you're honest, you're also no picnic in park where admittance of your own foibles doesn't give you the moral high ground unless you become part of the solution.

July 23, 2013

This hasn't changed either. There used to be 40 year olds who did the same, back when.

You have to bear in mind that life expectancies have increased since the 1950s which people use as the golden age litmus test. But really, the 50s that people keep holding up like the example of all that's good, was one they've constructed from movies and TV shows. In the 50s, people did what people do now. They were just more covert about their crazies and wore thicker masks to hide their differences.

Give me today, where crazy people are more overt so it's easier to figure out who they really are beneath their thin social masks.

Woggle, you're going to one of those cranky old men when you hit your senior years, complaining about everyone else but if you're honest, you're also no picnic in park where admittance of your own foibles doesn't give you the moral high ground unless you become part of the solution.

I remember how things were as recently as the 90s and things have changed drastically since then and not for the better.

July 23, 2013

I remember how things were as recently as the 90s and things have changed drastically since then and not for the better.

All you know is your perception of what's happening now and in the past. Is it possible that your perceptions are coloured? Straight up, objectivity isn't one of your strengths.

July 23, 2013

All you know is your perception of what's happening now and in the past. Is it possible that your perceptions are coloured? Straight up, objectivity isn't one of your strengths.

Maybe but I am not the only one that feels this way.

July 23, 2013

Young people partied a lot back in the 50s, 70s, 90s and 2000s, and most of them grew out of it by their mid-to-late 20s. Usually when they land a decent job in the workforce. That has not changed over generations. Perhaps the "methods" of partying has changed over time and some older folks feel that the newer "ways" are somehow worse or weirder. That may or may not be true. It's a typical perception for many grown-ups to have (especially the narrow-minded ones)...they have trouble understanding why younger generations behave the way that they do.

What's considered "traditional" and what's considered "unconventional" in the context of relationships (and many other things) can change over time, and can vary depending on environment and culture. The media is also an influential factor in what we consider traditional and unconventional.

The one thing that I do think has gotten gradually worse from gen to gen is sense of entitlement. People are getting increasingly spoiled. Younger gens are increasingly treated with kid gloves by teachers, etc. (part of that is due to fear of legal retaliation from parents). Young people want more goodies handed to them (from parents, teachers, the government, etc.) without having to work for it. Some men feel they "deserve" a hot woman simply because they're tall and drive a BMW. Of course OTOH there are plenty of people who buck this trend, usually due to good upbringing.

People, on average, are also taking longer to find good relationships and are marrying later nowadays than they were in the past. (The "marrying later" is a good thing for many people IMO...although if you find the right person early on, then keep him/her.) Part of it is due to these things Nikki mentioned:

Technology promoting lazy communication and less effort
Consumerism and materialism making shallow partners
Abundance of pornography, most very explicit, seen by children of very young ages due to accessability to internet on phones and ipads

Relationships exist and flourish in various ways, but one thing that most good relationships have is solid communication. While technology advancements (love my iPad) and some material things are great in of themselves, people becoming addicted to the above things can lead to a reduction of attention and focus in their real-life relationships.

I also think part of it is due to the fact that many women are much more successful professionally nowadays than they were several decades ago. They're more able of take care of themselves. There's less priority to find a man who is capable of financially taking care of her and any children (although that often still matters), and it's far more important to find a partner that's actually a good match for them compatibility wise, in terms of personality, emotional connection, lifestyle, sex and so on.

In some ways people stay the same over generations. Perceptions of others (both older and younger) can change and part of that is cyclical. In other ways the world does indeed change over time, some for the better, some for the worse, and some just laterally different.

July 23, 2013

Yes, I definitely do think this.

Relationships, love, marriage, commitment... it's all becoming a thing of the past.

July 23, 2013

I was a teenager in the 80s. Coming out of the punk era. Going into the rave era. It was a decade of drink, drugs, high octane music, package holidays for teenagers, easy and plentiful sex. High unemployment, high interest rates, recession, living for the moment, feeling like there were no prospects if you were young and starting out.

Seriously, nothing has changed. All that happens is that those people get older, have kids, and develop selective amnesia.

July 23, 2013

Im 26, and most of my peers are married or paired up. I even have a classmate who was a lesbian but now is married to a man and has a baby. Many of these people met in high school. I can think of one off the top of my head that has been together for 10+ years (they are my age).

I think relationships will be lees stable though. With all the social media and OLD it will be even easier for some to want to stray.

People forget the grass is greener where you water it.

I think tech does hurt a lot. Its very hard for a woman to compete with online porn, realdolls, robots. We have young men on viagra in the US. In Japan some men prefer sex with bots to sex with women.

Then there are thing s like economic downturns that dont help.

Interestingly, some say women are becoming more outwardly commitmentphobic, which doesnt help either.

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do you think our generation is lost in relationships?

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