thinkingtoomuch Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I don't know what's gotten into me. I know I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, but I'm not really asking how or why to stop. I guess I'm more interested to see if there are other people out there with the same problem, or other people like me? I am married, and I have the hots for a guy at work who is married. We've been talking on/off for a few months now on instant messenger (at work). It started with some simple chatting, some flirting, then it got pretty hot and heavy at times. Almost like phone sex, but in print! I love it and if he was willing, I would have these talks with him daily. But, I scared him off because it's not enough for me to do it online. I asked him if he would take it offline, meet me somewhere - basically, to hook up. He got cold feet, and it's apparent to me now that he's willing to do it online (sometimes, when he is "in the mood"), but he is never going to meet me for live action. I am so bummed about that, and it's driving me crazy. Why can't I get this guy out of my head? I've gone for days without thinking of him, then something comes up, we chat - sometimes getting sexual. I keep having dreams about sex with him. I just want to taste him one time and I can't get past that for some reason. I'm an evil, evil wife. I know that, and it would destroy my husband to know I've been acting this way, but I just can't move on!
Naive Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 You two work together? I have not been in a similar situation, but all I can say is that I smell trouble.
Merin Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 You CAN move on and get past it. You are in control of your behaviour. Sounds like this guy enjoys the excitement of the flirting ect. however he doesn't want to act upon it and hurt his wife... Invest the energy you're putting into this online deal into your marriage and your hubby.
sunrise17 Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 Girl... been there done that... SOOOOO not worth it! I can tell you why you're doing it and what the bad parts are... You're doing it because you need attention and you're not getting enough at home or not enough of the right kind. You don't feel sexy/smart/funny, you choose the description at home, and this man at work makes you feel that way. Here's why it is not worth it... right now this man at work is perfect to you, you don't see his flaws and you really don't know the real him. I don't know if you're just thinking about having a fling or having a serious relationship, but a relationship under these circumstances won't work. When the dust settles, the real him will come out and he's not as perfect as he seems, and the newness of the attention and hormones wears off and then you have thrown away your marriage for some short-lived good times. Your best bet is to talk to your husband about how you are feeling, tell him what you need.... Just don't say things like "You don't do ...." Say "I feel that I ..." it will come across like it's your issue not his, which makes them open up more. I'm not a shrink or anything, just been in this situation multiple times and my husband and I are much better off since we talked about it and he realized what was going on and makes a huge effort to make me feel sexy and appreciated and loved... I don't even look at guys anymore Feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk about it more.
hulavie Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 In almost every workplace I've been in, somehow I will have this kind of scenario with at least one guy.... all the time, neither party is ever serious about hooking up in real life. I personally take this kind of 'attention' from my colleagues as a way to have fun while working and even in explicit talk we are just poking silly fun. Maybe he's taking things that way.... Try asking him that..... the next time he says "Let's meet in the closet" reply with "Are you for real? What time and which closet?" and see how he reacts. You could put some funny emoticons in your message like Don't be the one to suggest to 'do it for real' If he really meant it that he wanted to get together, would you really go for it?
Author thinkingtoomuch Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 Thanks everyone, what you've said makes good sense and I am definitely moving on!
melnmojave Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Let it go - you will get over it and will be glad you did. That is if you value monagamy and have an agreement with your husband to be loyal - sounds like alot of people could get hurt just for the sake of satisfying a biological urge. Just take it out on your husband........I know I have had attractions to men that were inappropriate and that werent acted upon and I feel better about myself that I maintained my integrity - and his......... Animals act on instinct, as humans, it is our reason that sets us apart from animals. What if there was a woman pursuing your husband? how would you feel? dont forget about karma........
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