somebodyoutthere Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 NC for a few months, doing fine, keeping busy, meeting friends, seeing a therapist then boom. i felt hit by a ton of bricks. had a bad dream that i went to see them and i knew nothing of their life. and they weren't bothered. i knew they weren't good for me but i can't help but care about them and wonder if they'll ever remember me and the good times we had through the years. i am "moving on", trying to explore new paths and trying to get comfortable with this new reality. but it's been tough.
PadawanJedi27 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I understand what you are going through. Its only been 2 weeks for me but It just comes and goes. Everyone says to move on, and to keep yourself busy and I try and do that. I know its good to not contact them but at same time I always get the urge to.
Author somebodyoutthere Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 I hear you. Moving on is easier said than done. I find that it helps to stay NC otherwise it can very difficult and confusing.
HobGadling Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) It's been a year in my case. The hardest part for me is that at the time we were going out neither of us was in a good place emotionally. It was great when we first met. Then things started going to **** quite quickly. Of course we were great. Then her mum's dog got sick, she had to stay in another town. Couldn't visit. Writing was on the wall. Now though. My life has completely turned around. I fully feel now that I'm good enough for her. That I'm a better person. All the reasons I lost her have been eliminated. But she won't talk to me. At all. She will literally delete my messages before she's even read them. She is completely closed off to me. The only way I can contact her now is by descending into creepy stalker territory. I'm actually getting more dates and 'attention' than I've ever had. Yet it is all meaningless as I have met enough women to compare to her to realise that she was indeed someone pretty damn special. Oops... I'm supposed to be inspiring hope! Well. A year on. I'll say this. The anger, pain, and general feeling of loss is all down to me. I keep beating myself up because I can see now what I did wrong. I keep going over and over it in my head because the next time I meet someone I feel a real spark with I don't want to make the same mistakes. The more I think things over. The more things I notice. The more things I will be careful of next time. Essentially, you are in charge of your feelings. I don't want to fully let go of her because I don't want to get complacent like I did when we were going out. I want to remember how intensely I loved her and just how miserable I felt when we were breaking up. I want to go through things in forensic detail to realise the true underlying causes in my behaviour and really make sure I understand them so I don't do it again. The pain is your mind's way of telling you "don't let this happen again." But it will. Again. And again. Bleak? Hopeful? That's up to you. Personally. I'm looking forward to getting my heart broken again. Because it means I'll have found love again. Edited July 23, 2013 by HobGadling
Author somebodyoutthere Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 So is the moral of the story that you never "really" get over them?
HobGadling Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Do you ever really get over that penalty you missed? Do you ever really get over the disappointment of the Star Wars prequels? Do you ever really get over that time you tried stand up and bombed? Do you ever really get over that time you turned up at a fancy dress party to find out they cancelled the fancy dress? Bad things happen in life. Some are your fault, some aren't. Putting your fingers in your ears and saying la-la-la is a guarantee that it will happen again. It's taking me a year to get over an ex because I rushed into a new relationship and didn't give myself time to work things out. So what happened? The same things. You have to work out why the relationship ended, correct your mistakes and in future avoid the circumstances that led to it ending. Also, this level of examination can lead you to removing them from a pedestal. They weren't a bitch or an angel. Just another human being. The moral of the story is... erm... It's life. There will always be heartbreaks, regrets, and the one that got away.
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