aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I just want to give so many of the newbies on this site a positive post. I know many are suffering and feel horrible, rejected and lonely. It does get better! A little back story on me. My ex and I were together for 1.4 years. We broke up for short periods (two weeks) several times in the last 6 months, usually when she had a temper melt down. I always went back after a couple of weeks and got her back. She then ended it the FINAL time 7 weeks ago when I told her I was tiring of her bitchyness towards me when she was stressed, angry or annoyed. I really believe shes emotionally unstable in relationships. She'd always say "I know I'm not an easy person to get along with".. Understatement! I wasn't terribly happy with her when I saw her true personality come out the past 5 months but didn't man up and dump her like I should have. I will say I REALLY loved her and her kids but her behavior the past several months dampened it. I really wanted her to make the changes so we could be happy. Well, she always apologized when we got back together and of course said she'd never do it again. Will, the last time was it. I got my stuff back from her two days later and have had ZERO contact with her since. She was blocked on Facebook the day I got my stuff back. I will tell you, the first two weeks were rough. Couldn't eat, sleep sucked, anxiety, etc.. I then got mad. I said this is ridiculous. We'd broken up too many times and I vowed to NEVER get back with her again much less want to talk to her again. So, on wobbly knees, I rejoined a couple of dating sites. At about 3 weeks since the end of our relationship, I had my first date. I was a bit nervous but I enjoyed it and relaxed after 10 minutes with her. She was cute, flirty, and I enjoyed the female company. Since her, I've gone out with probably 8 other girls and dated three of them for a bit. I'm now down to just one girl that I really like and we have agreed to only see each other and my dating profiles are hidden now. We've dated now for almost 3 weeks. I can't tell you how much getting back on the horse helped my self esteem, confidence and allow me to come to the realization that my ex wasn't a nice person. The girl I'm dating now was over at my house for dinner on Friday night. We had a great time, had sex twice and just really enjoyed each other. When she left, a friend who's single told me he saw my ex on two different dating sites most of Friday night. Awe.. she hasn't found anyone yet. So sad.. Now, do I think of my ex? Absolutely. You can't turn off 1.4 years over night. But I don't focus on the good times (which were not that common the last 5 months), just the REAL person who showed me her true personality, after 8-9 months in. No one would put up with her BS and she was in/out of therapy to address her admitted "issues". I don't miss her at all. I don't miss walking around on egg shells due to her moods. Yes, she had some good qualities but the bad out weighted the good x10. I do really miss her kids though as I really fell in love with them. Why I share this is I've been off/on this site now for a while. What absolutely does not work is staying in limited contact, sitting home, hoping the dumper will call and change his mind or having a full on pity party day after day. What does work is picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and going full NC and then moving on with your life. Reconciliations RARELY work at all. Ask me how I know! You're best to put the ex in the rear view mirror and focus on you and finding your next great relationship. Don't let the FEW poster here scare you when they say they can't get over their ex after 6 months or a year. They are VERY rare and have other issues thats causing them to not move on. Again, it hurts but it does get easier. Keep your chin up! 2
bluefirefly20 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Thanks. i'm going through a really hard time with my husband leaving me. and this post actually made me feel a bit better. thank you. 1
NiceFails Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Looks like you've swapped priorities from one girl to another and another...I don't really think this would work with everybody, personally I don't want to be in a new relationship or even have dates for a while..a big while.
Author aloneinaz Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Looks like you've swapped priorities from one girl to another and another...I don't really think this would work with everybody, personally I don't want to be in a new relationship or even have dates for a while..a big while. Hey, everyone handles a break up there own way. I just see ZERO value in sitting home, alone, feeling lonely thinking about someone who rejected me and said they don't want me in their life anymore. Yes, everyone needs to heal from the initial shock or whatever and people heal at different rates. Why waste months of your life ruminating over a failed relationship? If you made mistakes that contributed to the failure of the relationship, learn from them so you don't repeat them. I just prefer to have someone in my life. I'm not co-dependent and have gone months w/out dating in the past. At this stage in my life, I'd rather have someone then not.
NiceFails Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Hey, everyone handles a break up there own way. I just see ZERO value in sitting home, alone, feeling lonely thinking about someone who rejected me and said they don't want me in their life anymore. Yes, everyone needs to heal from the initial shock or whatever and people heal at different rates. Why waste months of your life ruminating over a failed relationship? If you made mistakes that contributed to the failure of the relationship, learn from them so you don't repeat them. I just prefer to have someone in my life. I'm not co-dependent and have gone months w/out dating in the past. At this stage in my life, I'd rather have someone then not. Why do you make it sound like it's either being in a relationship or staying at home crying? The objective is when you sit at home alone you won't be devastated that you lost someone. At least that's how I look to it.
Author aloneinaz Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Why do you make it sound like it's either being in a relationship or staying at home crying? The objective is when you sit at home alone you won't be devastated that you lost someone. At least that's how I look to it. I get what you're saying. My point is, too many people on this site do just sit at home and cry and mourn a failed relationship and or the rejection. If someone is happy being alone for a while due to being burned out on dating/relationships, power to them. My post was saying I prefer to have the oppostite sex in my life and dating has helped me move forward.
Echo000 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 hey i think thats great, and i think getting out there again is great. but being pretty much in an exclusive relationship with a girl after only 7 weeks seems way too fast. not saying it is, just saying it SEEMS that way. And how do you know if you are actually fully over the person if you jump right back into it with another woman? i feel like in such a short time, you arent healing as much as putting a band aid on a huge wound. eventually, if that band aid comes off and those feelings werent resolved, its gonna hurt worse than ever. but i dont know you, and i dont assume the worst either. just curious/a little skeptical i guess.
bluegreen Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 hey i think thats great, and i think getting out there again is great. but being pretty much in an exclusive relationship with a girl after only 7 weeks seems way too fast. not saying it is, just saying it SEEMS that way. And how do you know if you are actually fully over the person if you jump right back into it with another woman? i feel like in such a short time, you arent healing as much as putting a band aid on a huge wound. eventually, if that band aid comes off and those feelings werent resolved, its gonna hurt worse than ever. but i dont know you, and i dont assume the worst either. just curious/a little skeptical i guess. You made few good points but I agree with him NC works. Its bitch to start and keep up in beginning but within few weeks if you are persistent in it hold "they" had over us eases up more. Even if you think of them from time to time have OK is this them ringing or mailing us moments its not same as those God I would give anything if it was so things. Distance does not make heart warmer Thank Lord for that Its been about to solid months for me NC And am on Face and he is blocked Am not even in a joke entertaining idea of un blocking him or e mailing him or calling him. He has faded into a fog sure am not gonna lie from time to time I feel pinch of pain BUT comparing stab from that time then and pinch now my friends is very different thing.
amkxoxo Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I appreciate your uplifting words. I need them right now. What about a situation like mine. He says he isn't ready for a relationship right now because his life is not in a good place. He has an lot going on and told me he would make a great boyfriend but he can't give me what I deserve right now because he needs to get his life together. He really likes me still but we're not together. He said I can meet others and I think he's also scared because he's been dumped after giving his all to others in the past becauee he said " you haven't dated enough I would rather you get it out of your system before you get to me. I want to be the last one. The one at the end." I sit here trying to move on and pick myself up. I've been doing a lot better since no contact started but at the end of the day I sit loving this man who has given me a grain of rice of hope for the future. I don't want to see anyone else. They aren't him. I need help.
bluegreen Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I appreciate your uplifting words. I need them right now. What about a situation like mine. He says he isn't ready for a relationship right now because his life is not in a good place. He has an lot going on and told me he would make a great boyfriend but he can't give me what I deserve right now because he needs to get his life together. He really likes me still but we're not together. He said I can meet others and I think he's also scared because he's been dumped after giving his all to others in the past becauee he said " you haven't dated enough I would rather you get it out of your system before you get to me. I want to be the last one. The one at the end." I sit here trying to move on and pick myself up. I've been doing a lot better since no contact started but at the end of the day I sit loving this man who has given me a grain of rice of hope for the future. I don't want to see anyone else. They aren't him. I need help. Take his word for it : He likes you but just not enough he can't give you what you need he means it no matter how nicely wrapped and with a pretty bow on top "he can't"= into he does not want to. Love him if you feel like that keep NC in mean time and start dating someone else will come along and you will get over it soon enough. He either does not wanna settle= with you he is not over his last relationship or is really messed up in head all in all if he wants it bad enough HE CAN DO IT. Sorry Hon time to let go and say NEXT 1
Recommended Posts