Sunflower22 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 When do you know it's over? How much hurt justifies divorce? At what point do you start looking like a push over? If you stay does it get better or worse? Is there a breaking point and you know it's over cause lines have been crossed? When is it worth working on and when is it not? I have always said that if my husband ever cheated on me that would clearly justify divorce. If he ever hit me it would clearly justify divorce but what about the stuff in between. What about the emotional pain you go through. I just thought maybe I could get some insight from those who have been married a long time or divorced. I am not sure if my marriage is going through some major growing pains or if we are just fighting to make something work that is already over. We both have very conflicting views on some very important issues and those are causing a big struggle and war between us and it seems we are both fighting for power which either of us has. Does this get any better is it normal? We are going on our 5th year of marriage. There are a lot of kinks. I think my husband doesn't see the state we are in as serious as I do. Last night he says to me I know we are not getting along but look at how cool this is. And I am thinking not getting along that's what you call this. I am not not getting along with him I am just amazed at the mean spiteful things he does. He is not the person I thought he was, however he has been surprising me because when I call him out on his mean intentional spiteful behavior he retreats and usually fixes his behavior. Although he stays angry he does not act on his spiteful threats so I am learning how to deal with my husband and now I am learning who this man I married really is. Nothing what I thought he was. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 When do you know it's over? How much hurt justifies divorce? At what point do you start looking like a push over? If you stay does it get better or worse? Is there a breaking point and you know it's over cause lines have been crossed? When is it worth working on and when is it not? I have always said that if my husband ever cheated on me that would clearly justify divorce. If he ever hit me it would clearly justify divorce but what about the stuff in between. What about the emotional pain you go through. I just thought maybe I could get some insight from those who have been married a long time or divorced. I am not sure if my marriage is going through some major growing pains or if we are just fighting to make something work that is already over. We both have very conflicting views on some very important issues and those are causing a big struggle and war between us and it seems we are both fighting for power which either of us has. Does this get any better is it normal? We are going on our 5th year of marriage. There are a lot of kinks. I think my husband doesn't see the state we are in as serious as I do. Last night he says to me I know we are not getting along but look at how cool this is. And I am thinking not getting along that's what you call this. I am not not getting along with him I am just amazed at the mean spiteful things he does. He is not the person I thought he was, however he has been surprising me because when I call him out on his mean intentional spiteful behavior he retreats and usually fixes his behavior. Although he stays angry he does not act on his spiteful threats so I am learning how to deal with my husband and now I am learning who this man I married really is. Nothing what I thought he was. How cool WHAT is? I don't understand this. He thinks not getting along is cool? Or was he trying to be sarcastic/rude? I think we're missing a bit of context... 1
Author Sunflower22 Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 No he was showing me something our daughter was doing that he thought was cool.
DawnR Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I think it sounds like you are unhappy. He should be mean and spiteful to you. Do you make him aware of his spiteful ways? Does he acknowledge it... you know, like appologize. Maybe he isnt aware he is being mean...? BUT... if he is aware and continues being mean... then personally I would feel like there was a problem. As years pass... it could get worse. Also, the way he treats you... ultimately shows your daughter how she should be treated in a relationship... in the future.
DawnR Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I think it sounds like you are unhappy. He should be mean and spiteful to you. Do you make him aware of his spiteful ways? Does he acknowledge it... you know, like appologize. Maybe he isnt aware he is being mean...? BUT... if he is aware and continues being mean... then personally I would feel like there was a problem. As years pass... it could get worse. Also, the way he treats you... ultimately shows your daughter how she should be treated in a relationship... in the future. i MEANT.... he should NOT be mean and spiteful.
pink_sugar Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 That's a good question. I think it depends on the individual. Right now, as much as I want to work things out, I also feel like I have been in denial about things and that certain things about my husband will never change. So many things have happened that I am bitter and resentful about, that I am not sure if I will get over them unless I move on. I feel like I just want to be done and move forward, as much as I love him.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'm sorry you're in the pain you're in. What is happening? What has he been saying or doing? Can we have some examples? It is hard to say whether you stay or go when we have no clue what he's doing to you. It sounds like he has his head in the clouds and perhaps a serious discussion about your feelings would be great. He can't change things unless he knows how bad things are for you. Let him know what you have said here. Let him know you have thought of leaving because you feel you can't get over things he has done or said. Unless and until he understands how you feel, you won't forgive him or get over it. Unless and until he stops the behaviour and gives your heart a break, you won't forgive. Give him time to change it, and if nothing changes, you make a decision that best suits you and your daughter. Im thinking of you and wish you nothing but the very best. I think its time to get ALL of these issues out on the table. The real, hard and ugly truth.
Recommended Posts