rainy daze Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hi Everyone, I have had a best friend for 15 years. About 5 years ago she moved back here with her new husband. He didn't know anyone here; so I introduced him to some people I knew here. They all became friends so it worked out really well. I started to hear rumors that my best friends husband was seeing another friend of mine. I didn't really believe it. Anyway, my best friend suddenly stopped returning my calls and wouldn't answer emails. I had no idea why and I couldn't figure it out. I just had to let the friendship go, it was really hard. I hadn't talked to her in 2 years, I would see her husband around and ask him what was wrong; why wouldn't she talk to me etc? He just kept saying he didn't know and she hadn't said anything to him about it. In between these 2 years I found out it was true he was having an affair with this other friend of mine. I couldn't tell my friend because she wouldn't talk to me. I found out her husband was spending their money on this girl, alcohol etc. I also found out he was telling the other woman that he wanted to leave the marriage but my friend wouldn't let him go. He would call the other woman over to his house to be together when my old friend was out of town etc. I know this is not a rumor, because the other woman has told me herself and I've heard them on the phone together. Everybody knows; it's common knowledge. I find it disgusting he's been living a double life for about 2 years now. My old best friend that he's married to, has a wealthy family, they are putting this guy through school and totally paying for his life. I am no longer friends with this group of people anymore because they aren't very good people so I just cut ties altogether. So I've just been living my life, when I suddenly got a call out of the blue from my old best friend asking to meet up for lunch. I met up with her and I couldn't help myself and told her everything. She told me that the reason she hadn't been talking to me was because her husband told her lies about me and said he didn't want her to be friends with me, they were having trouble in their marriage and in an effort to make things work, he asked that she not talk to me anymore. This is because I was always telling her when he was lying to her about where he was etc. He said I was just trying to make trouble; but I was just trying to tell her the truth. So he ruined our friendship so he could have this affair and I wouldn't be able to tell her. I was upset with her that she would just ditch me; but I understand, she is married with a child, she has to try and make it work. I just have to let that go. Now he is completely denying it, the other people in that group are protecting him and won't tell her the truth, so now it's essentially my word against his. She is believing me for now, but I don't know what she'll decide to do in the end. Her dad is close with her husband and is telling her it's probably not true. Now everyone is mad at ME. It shouldn't matter because I don't associate with these people anymore, but it's hard that no one will tell the truth. I don't know if I should have said anything; I feel like it was the right thing to do, but maybe it was a mistake. What do you think? If she hadn't been my best friend for 15 years, I would have just minded my own business. I felt bad while I was talking to her, she is very unhappy in the marriage and wants to leave very badly; but she kept saying that he was a good husband and she didn't want to hurt him; I finally said, look; you should know........ I don't know if I did the right thing What does everyone think?
grassisorisntgreener Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 There is something to be said for "don't shoot the messenger." I think sometimes people don't want to rock the boat and would rather things be left as they are. You did the right thing, you were trying to be a good friend. 1
HopingAgain Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hi Everyone, I have had a best friend for 15 years. About 5 years ago she moved back here with her new husband. He didn't know anyone here; so I introduced him to some people I knew here. They all became friends so it worked out really well. I started to hear rumors that my best friends husband was seeing another friend of mine. I didn't really believe it. Anyway, my best friend suddenly stopped returning my calls and wouldn't answer emails. I had no idea why and I couldn't figure it out. I just had to let the friendship go, it was really hard. I hadn't talked to her in 2 years, I would see her husband around and ask him what was wrong; why wouldn't she talk to me etc? He just kept saying he didn't know and she hadn't said anything to him about it. In between these 2 years I found out it was true he was having an affair with this other friend of mine. I couldn't tell my friend because she wouldn't talk to me. I found out her husband was spending their money on this girl, alcohol etc. I also found out he was telling the other woman that he wanted to leave the marriage but my friend wouldn't let him go. He would call the other woman over to his house to be together when my old friend was out of town etc. I know this is not a rumor, because the other woman has told me herself and I've heard them on the phone together. Everybody knows; it's common knowledge. I find it disgusting he's been living a double life for about 2 years now. My old best friend that he's married to, has a wealthy family, they are putting this guy through school and totally paying for his life. I am no longer friends with this group of people anymore because they aren't very good people so I just cut ties altogether. So I've just been living my life, when I suddenly got a call out of the blue from my old best friend asking to meet up for lunch. I met up with her and I couldn't help myself and told her everything. She told me that the reason she hadn't been talking to me was because her husband told her lies about me and said he didn't want her to be friends with me, they were having trouble in their marriage and in an effort to make things work, he asked that she not talk to me anymore. This is because I was always telling her when he was lying to her about where he was etc. He said I was just trying to make trouble; but I was just trying to tell her the truth. So he ruined our friendship so he could have this affair and I wouldn't be able to tell her. I was upset with her that she would just ditch me; but I understand, she is married with a child, she has to try and make it work. I just have to let that go. Now he is completely denying it, the other people in that group are protecting him and won't tell her the truth, so now it's essentially my word against his. She is believing me for now, but I don't know what she'll decide to do in the end. Her dad is close with her husband and is telling her it's probably not true. Now everyone is mad at ME. It shouldn't matter because I don't associate with these people anymore, but it's hard that no one will tell the truth. I don't know if I should have said anything; I feel like it was the right thing to do, but maybe it was a mistake. What do you think? If she hadn't been my best friend for 15 years, I would have just minded my own business. I felt bad while I was talking to her, she is very unhappy in the marriage and wants to leave very badly; but she kept saying that he was a good husband and she didn't want to hurt him; I finally said, look; you should know........ I don't know if I did the right thing What does everyone think? You did the right thing, never doubt yourself on that, you told her the truth and her dishonest husband selfishly manipulated her into letting you go instead of questioning him. What to do now? Be her friend. If she asks for the truth, continue to tell her. And if she doesn't, just be her friend and support her. He will eventually slip up and EVERYONE will come to know him as the liar he is and slowly but surely, people will start making their way to you with apologies and the "you were rights". Your friend may be too humiliated to do this right away, so don't throw it in her face (doesn't sound like you are the kind of person to do that anyway). But in the end, she will appreciate that you were the ONE person who was honest with her.
jphcbpa Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 You did the right thing and now it is out of your hands. Nothing more you can do other than be a friend, support and love her. 1
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