Why did my ex abuse me, but now his past girlfriends or new one?

[LotusFlowerB]

We were together for a year. All in that same year, he physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me, he's done things to me you'd never imagine. We met when I was 16, and he was 18, and he was my first real boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him and everything. I've always been meek, shy, vulnerable, and I never really had the best self esteem, he on the other hand, he was athletic, handsome, charming, and popular. I couldn't believe a guy like him would actually go after a girl like me, and I guess that's why I gave in to him so quickly. By the 4th month we were dating, he'd hit me for the first time due to him being jealous, and from then it just escalated.

 

He continued to abuse me, pretty much coerced me in to having an abortion when I got pregnant, he told me he’d kick me in my stomach, that he’d never want a kid with a dumbas*like me, and then he told me to commit suicide. He made me feel like less than an animal, and I was miserable in our relationship. The last straw for me was when I refused to give him my cell phone to pry and snoop through, so he beat me. I ended up getting 14 stitches because he bashed my forehead with my phone. Though I have ran into him sometime, we haven’t spoken since then. Now I am dating my best friend of 7 years, and he’s great to me, my ex is in a new relationship too, and he has a baby with this new girl. In the pictures I’ve seen, he looks so happy with his child and this girl, it just amazes me how he had so much hatred for me that he would say the things he did when I was pregnant, and how he praises this new girl so much, but acted like I was some disease to be ashamed of.

 

Even his ex-girlfriends, I know two of them, he never treated them so bad, hell they're still friends! When I was in the hospital, people at school found out quickly, many people supported me, but one of his ex-girlfriends actually got on facebook and basically said people needed to stop feeling sorry for me because I deserved everything I got, and that he abused me because I was a b*tch. I never did anything to him! I was all about pleasing him because I had no backbone, I was weak, and I was terrified of him. He treated me like a dog, he didn't treat his worst enemy as bad as he treated me, and I can honestly say he is probably the most evil human being I have ever met. I just don't understand, and now I cant help, but feel like I did deserve everything I got. It hurts so bad to think about it all again. What was it about me that made him so angry? What made him hate me so much? It's not that I want anybody in his life now to experience what I endured, but why me?

[Chi townD]

Oh STOP IT!!! You didn't deserve to get beat on. You didn't deserve to be abused! NO ONE DOES! Man or woman.

 

So, why did he beat on you? Because he knew he could. He knew you wouldn't fight back. He knew that you were vulnerable and he exploited that fact. If he thought that if he smacked you, then he would find his balls kicked up to where his tonsils are, he would never do it.

 

And screw that Ex of his, the things is, he got a taste of smacking a girl around and he liked it. Sooner or later, they're gonna know what you're talking about.

 

Be glad you're away from that monster and enjoy the new guy you're with.

[LotusFlowerB]

Thanks to the one person that has said something at least. I really need advice, but nobody seems to care to reply.

[pteromom]

What was it about me that made him so angry?

 

It wasn't you - you were just a convenient punching bag. A place he could let his anger out with no repercussions.

 

What made him hate me so much?

 

Probably because he hated himself, and he could see that you loved him, and he knew he didn't deserve your love.

 

Or - just because you let him.

 

It's not that I want anybody in his life now to experience what I endured, but why me?

 

Abusers know who they can and can't abuse. That's why they don't typically hit people at work, or on the street. Because there are consequences. But with you - there were no consequences. You didn't leave. You didn't report him. You didn't fight back. It was easy to just keep hurting you.

 

He was a messed up person. He still is, even if he hasn't been in another relationship long enough to test whether she'll stay when he hits her.

 

You deserve better than this. Block him and don't waste your energy worrying about what he is doing or who he is dating or whether he is happy. Just DELETE him from your life, and move forward.

[Chi townD]

I strongly recommend that you talk to a professional. Seek individual counseling. And there's also support groups for folks that have been abused. I recommend that you look into those as well.

 

Here's the deal. You were a victim. Time to stop being a victim and it's time to start looking at yourself as a survivor!

[Chief Wiggum]

Ok, I might come across as an ass here, but, I smell bull****. OP is just trolling.

[LotusFlowerB]

@ Chief Wiggum, If I can ask, what makes you think I'm "trolling"? I'm not sure what it is I said exactly which would give someone a reason to accuse of me faking an issue I have been dealing with for a long while. If you don't have anything meaningful to say, please refrain from saying anything at all.

[todreaminblue]

...your story is similar to mine with my ex...you arent alone......my ex is also with someone else now...a more dominant female.......i am submissive by nature.......i had a few really violent times with my ex...i never really did anything but be supportive i used to stand up to him though....scared crapless....i had courage.....when he told em i was nto havign hsi baby......and threatened to cut i tout of me....at that time.....i looked at him and said do it.......he didnt.............

 

 

regardless of what i copped i stood firm to what i believed in...men wouldnt stand up to my ex...he would just look at them and they would back down he has an imposing aura.........and formidable skills........what kept me with him through the bad years ....were the good ones....when his voice was soft.......loving..... when he was gentle good attentive......i would feel lucky........lucky enough to forget the bad.........he si a good father who sadly abandoned his family.....it got rough.....and he deserted....has made monumental mistakes...that eventually broke us........and my family.....the relationship lasted fifteen years.......and of those years.....i cant explain why he did the things he did...i can only say why i stayed......i stayed....because i though it was right to stay....that my heart believed in taking the bad with the good....and trying as hard as i can ........and it is right to keep trying....but it has to be mutual.......

 

 

this is what happened with you

 

 

1. once you accept someone doing something bad to you........it becomes easier fro them to do it again...people only treat you how you let them treat you...if you walk away......they can ttreat you bad anymore and they know it.....i fyou stay...or go back to them....they know unconsciously they can do it again....drugs.....alcohol....gambolling are normally common in abusive relationships...they were with me....is there any of that in your ex or his family.............

 

yoru ex is th eoen with bad behavior....that you accepted....even though you didnt feel you did.....accepting the bad that happened and hoping that it gets better...hardly ever happens.......in my case....i got beaten to a pulp once by my ex.........the next day he couldnt look at me...he cried......showed true remorse...he couldnt remember doing it.....he was drinking rum.......i forgave him...the scars remain internal.......

 

 

you have to let it go....i know how it feels......for whatever reason he did it to you .....you will not know...you can only control what you let a future partner do to you............forgive yrou ex........wish him well....adn build your hopes in the future you have....what ever happened in your past is gone...cant hurt you now......or ever again......i made a promise to myself.....when i tried to cover up boot marks on my forehead, and looked in the mirror the day after i got smashed unrecognizable as me........

 

no man.....will ever do that to me again...........never or i wont be here to tell the tale..........because if a man does do that to me again.........i wont lie down and cover my face ...........i am going to fight.........until one of us isnt breathing.......i am telling you now...i am a survivor.........that happened almost twenty years ago...no man has ever and i mean never done that again........

 

 

MAKE THAT PROMISE TO YOU

LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND PROMISE YOURSELF.....LIFE.......YOU DESERVE IT......

 

 

and forgive your ex.........move on to a happier place.........find that place in you....i wish you love light and forgiveness in that survivor heart of yours........deb

[blotter]

because you let him. First time shame on him, every time afterwards shame on you.