ToyStoryThree Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Hi guys, hope you're all having a nice week so far Recently, I met a woman via POF. She had stated on her profile that she wasn't looking for a relationship, but was open to one, were there to be a connection. We chatted for a few days, and then exchanged numbers. As we talked, we both quickly realised that we were very well suited (we'd had a lot of similar experiences in life, such as our mothers passing away in the same month!), and we started having regular phone calls into the night - just generally talking about anything and everything. The conversation often moved onto how we'd like to cuddle each other, etc etc. We also talked about future plans we'd like to accomplish, etc. A month passed, and due to work/commitments we still hadn't had the chance to meet. Last Saturday, I moved into a new apartment and she offered to come over and spend the night with me, as she knew I was a little apprehensive about it. She has a motherly tendency, so it wasn't intended as a sexual type visit. More just to keep me company. Of course, it was the first time we had met so it was slightly awkward at times, but we ffell asleep cuddling. During the night, we woke up and ended up sleeping together. She immediately began crying and I tried to console her. She stayed until about 12 the next day, and I walked her to her car where we hugged a couple of times and kissed as we said goodbye. Today, I received a whole bunch of messages from her about how we should have waited, and how she feels as if we are in a 6 month relationship and it isn't what she wants. I asked her, is this it, then? She simply replied, "I'm still here". That was the last thing she said to me. I have sent her a couple of messages since, telling her not to be scared and not to run away from me and she will come online (Whatsapp)for a second, then go offline. I am quite confused - if she was "still there" wouldn't she reply? I am quite upset, as we really connected and, after years of bad experiences with women, she was an absolute Godsend. Caring, sweet, loving. Just everything I have ever wanted in a woman. But I am left none the wiser as to what to do or what's going on. Could anyone help me see this a bit clearer?
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Sounds like she jumped the gun and isn't comfortable with how fast things went. Simply ask her out on a date, a real date and continue to get to know one another. But she sounds afraid of getting too close. Like she has been hurt real deep in the past. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Sounds like she jumped the gun and isn't comfortable with how fast things went. Simply ask her out on a date, a real date and continue to get to know one another. But she sounds afraid of getting too close. Like she has been hurt real deep in the past. I did that, and she just said "I'll see".
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Wow.. there's some odd things here. I can't understand why she'd agree to sleep over at your place before ever meeting? Thats simply strange to me. I wouldn't do that. It sounds like she has some emotional instability as well. I don't know. Like the Raptor said, you could try and ask her out again and if you don't get a reply, move on. You'd probably be better to do that anyway. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 Wow.. there's some odd things here. I can't understand why she'd agree to sleep over at your place before ever meeting? Thats simply strange to me. I wouldn't do that. It sounds like she has some emotional instability as well. I don't know. Like the Raptor said, you could try and ask her out again and if you don't get a reply, move on. You'd probably be better to do that anyway. I don't think I have a choice, she isn't replying to anything.
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I don't think I have a choice, she isn't replying to anything. Well then, you have your answer. Just let it be and just mark it down as an incompatability due to where you both are in life. You'll meet plenty of great people who aren't at the same place you are. 2
Nicoleiia Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 That's seems like such a shame, but you should forget about her for now. It is very weird that a woman is acting funny about sleeping with a man she just met. Usually men pull this stunt. Nevertheless, just move on and let her sort out her issues.
Talulah Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 sounds like she has a lot of baggage/issues...date someone else if you are not too invested in this
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 sounds like she has a lot of baggage/issues...date someone else if you are not too invested in this Seems as if she does. I spoke to her today, and she was insistent that it was not a past issue, the fact that it was because there is too much pressure (even though it was mutual). Her words to me were that I should take a step back (again, mutual) as "this is very new, and I do enjoy talking to you, you're lovely - but if you don't take a step back, the situation will not go as you desire". I have been no more forward than she has, but anyway. The last thing she said, to me, indicates that she still wants to talk, but just less intense? Or am I reading it wrong?
Philosoraptor Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 She's sounding more and more nuts. I'd cut and run. 7
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 She's sounding more and more nuts. I'd cut and run. You think?
smile1983 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Sounds like this started when you slept together, she clearly wasn't ready for that step yet. If you really like her then back off and give her some space. She probably needs to sort some stuff out. I also wouldn't rule out the possibility that she is in a relationship with someone else and cheating. 1
Ire3 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 What a bunch of drama. If you're into that, then stick with it. She sounds like trouble to me. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 This girls going to mind fork you, this is just the tip of the iceberg. She's got some issues and buried emotions here that aren't to do with you, maybe the death of your mothers triggered some kind of emotion or connection within her..but she sounds unstable and she's going to do a lot of push/pull, hot/cold...you're not going to see the big picture until you're already in it, and by then it'll just be confusing and you'll be trying to make sense of it all even though it won't because you're playing by her rules/emotions. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Some real interesting views here. Main opinion being that she has issues...which is a shame because yes, I really do like her. I'll give her a few days' worth of space, maybe she'll calm down. If it doesn't work out, it would be a true shame, as I've waited pretty much my whole life to find someone like her. OK, someone like her but without the issues, maybe!
Adele0908 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 She might feel ashamed that she slept with you when she did. Either that, or she may not be ready for a serious relationship. About issues, well the truth is everyone has issues to some degree.
travelbug1996 Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Its possible that the sex was bad for her. ijs
SantistaUSA Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Some real interesting views here. Main opinion being that she has issues...which is a shame because yes, I really do like her. I'll give her a few days' worth of space, maybe she'll calm down. If it doesn't work out, it would be a true shame, as I've waited pretty much my whole life to find someone like her. OK, someone like her but without the issues, maybe! What do you mean you waited your whole life to find someone like her? You guys just met, wasn't even a real date, she came over you guys slept together!!! She likes to sleep around, trust me on this one, do you think this is her first time? Highly doubt it. I'm 34 and I've dated a lot, if I sleep with the girl on the first date I lose all interest in having a serious relationship, but that's just me! Well if you like drama and lots of headache, then she is a keeper! 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Its possible that the sex was bad for her. ijs I really doubt this.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 What do you mean you waited your whole life to find someone like her? You guys just met, wasn't even a real date, she came over you guys slept together!!! She likes to sleep around, trust me on this one, do you think this is her first time? Highly doubt it. I'm 34 and I've dated a lot, if I sleep with the girl on the first date I lose all interest in having a serious relationship, but that's just me! Well if you like drama and lots of headache, then she is a keeper! I've had terrible experiences with women and I thought she was genuine, but I guess not. She keeps turning her phone off overnight, and basically hiding away. It's becoming very annoying, and quite sad that she's doing this. I don't think I have the patience.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 OP, the woman's a flake. What rational woman thinks it's a good idea for the FIRST face-to-face meeting to be her coming over and climbing into bed with you because you're 'uncomfortable' in your new place? I couldn't imagine acting like that. I have no idea. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced it isn't my fault. I've let go now, I'm not going to bother with her - although it doesn't stop me thinking about it. We had been speaking daily for a month, it's not as if we just hooked up in a dodgy club, or something. And what annoys me the most is that she's claiming that I am showing too much of a "need"!! What?! It was her that used to talk about us sitting on the sofa in her new place, and how I was "hers", listing all my qualities and then saying that those are what she wants in a partner. All of a sudden I'm this weirdo who is obsessing over her or something, agh! And now she has the cheek to go on like this, putting it all on me, oh please. I wish I'd never even bothered, now. She must either be a really good actress, or I must be totally blind because I was taken in 100% - I don't know what she has possibly gotten out of this, I really don't. But you're right, Miss Priss, who does that? Weird. She has major issues and I think she really needs to work on them or she will be single forever. I know I am not to blame, here. I did nothing wrong. It was all mutual, and now I'm being blamed for being too "needy" - rubbish. Total rubbish.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 She might feel ashamed that she slept with you when she did. Either that, or she may not be ready for a serious relationship. About issues, well the truth is everyone has issues to some degree. Fair enough, but she was in control of her own mind - she shouldn't have let it get to where she did.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Or maybe I AM to blame, I don't know. I just thought we were on the same page, to be honest. I guess we weren't. I'm just going to move on, waiting around for her will do me no good whatsoever.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 OK so she messaged me last night, but the conversation was pretty dull and only lasted like ten minutes. Compared to our old conversations that went on all day/night. I can't tell if she still likes me, still wants to talk to me, if I'm annoying her - etc. It's making me pretty anxious. I want to ask her, y'know - what's the deal? But I'm worried she'll go off again. I want it back to how it was, and even if it doesn't get back to that - I want to tell her that's what I want. But how do I do it? How do I ask her?
Emilia Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I've had terrible experiences with women and I thought she was genuine, but I guess not. She keeps turning her phone off overnight, and basically hiding away. It's becoming very annoying, and quite sad that she's doing this. I don't think I have the patience. OK so she messaged me last night, but the conversation was pretty dull and only lasted like ten minutes. Compared to our old conversations that went on all day/night. I can't tell if she still likes me, still wants to talk to me, if I'm annoying her - etc. It's making me pretty anxious. I want to ask her, y'know - what's the deal? But I'm worried she'll go off again. I want it back to how it was, and even if it doesn't get back to that - I want to tell her that's what I want. But how do I do it? How do I ask her? You are hooked on drama queens, this will be the course of your life if you don't fix it. 2
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