Describe your broken heart

[youngnlove89]

Today my heart hurts.

 

I hate this.

 

If he could leave my life, then why can't he leave my mind?

[Similar]

I was in a trance listening to Gypsy Kings on the train, there was something in the melody that made me shoot out of my seat and into space, forward.. forward, must go.. For months Gypsy Kings - now I can't stand it.

I never thought I'd be dumped. It kept haunting me how he did it, it was stupid and lacked respect, the hour, the day, the giddy feelings I was full of, the worry I'd carried around, everything just came to an end with a few words. Like the last sigh.

Was he not afterall pretty, stupid? Didn't his actions prove that he wasn't actually worthy of me?

I cried, screamed, kicked things. I missed him so much that I sat at the shop smelling his hairgel, the memories flooded back.

- Now they bring back no memories. - My mind has finally understood that his behaviour was not "normal".. had issues, took them out on me, I'm better off without him. Also, he was lonely.

Hasn't stopped me from talking to him on facebook now and then, but it never goes well.. - Slowly, my mind realize that he is not and will never be interested in me. Slowly I realize that it's not my fault and no matter how much I tried to improve myself afterwards, he doesn't care. Just like I don't care about some guys, he does not care for me. It was so hard to understand, how can it be so hard to understand..

Edited July 24, 2013 by Similar

[cavalier99]

Today my heart hurts.

 

I hate this.

 

If he could leave my life, then why can't he leave my mind?

 

Im sorta surprised your still messed up over this guy. How long have you been NC?

 

You really need to be NC consistently to get over it. I havent gone back and read your recent threads but im guessing not long if the BU is still bothering you. Hope it gets better for you.

 

In the big picture this is just a little heart ache. Besides NC id work on emotional fortitude. This was key for me at least. Rock on! Cav

Edited July 25, 2013 by cavalier99

[jesse93]

its been so hard, i feel numb to what anyone says people can try and make me laugh or put a smile on my face or tell me that every thing is going to be ok but it doesn't feel like it is it hurts so much, i'm always looking at my phone hoping to see a text from her even though i know its wrong and i know i can't respond or i wont heal as quickly as i'd like too, but i think the pain that hurts me the most is knowing that she probably won't text me and i have this hope inside that she will but i know deep down she won't she said she wont and i know shes strong enough to live by her words and i know receiving her text would just break my heart even more but i want her to love me i want her to miss me and i want her to show that affection towards me i want to feel loved by her, but i know i can't she already told me that she was planning on breaking up with me for a long time i know she was ready to move on with her life and be happy with someone else, but i hate knowing that she will be holding another guy that she will be showing them affection i feel that if i pulled a movie type thing (run to her with flowers and confess my true love to her) she would take me back, but i know that isn't possible i know it will never be that way. I'm trying my hardest but i feel as if i'm going to break at any second.

[feelinghopeless89]

Thank you for posting something like this - I am someone that talking about it and getting advice backs helps me so much. I will try and make my super long, complicated story as short as possible!

 

I dated this guy (who is also my manager) for a year and a half. Before we got into a romantic relationship we were great friends. He had every quality I looked for in a guy.. nurturing, attentive, best friend, amazing chemistry, and always built me up and made me feel so special. We were together all of the time, and when we weren't together we were constantly texting or on the phone.

 

Some back story... He has a 9 year old daughter (who I also became very close with). Him and the mother of his daughter had her when he was 23, and soon after their daughter was born he broke up with his girlfriend because he felt like he was not ready to settle down. Throughout all of these years he has been an amazing dad. She just adores him and that was another thing that made me fall even more in love with him when I saw how great he was with his daughter. After a few years, he tried to get his ex back. He said that he missed his family and made a big mistake. She turned him down for years, and even got married 2 times after him (then divorced) and had another child with her ex husband. After all of this happened, my ex gave up on trying to win her back because she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him. Earlier this year (October), the mother of the child asked him if there was anyway he could rent a room in her house because she really needed help with money. The multiple times she asked he said no, and it was so hard for me finding out she was asking him because I knew that would change everything between us.

 

About a month after originally asking him, he came to me and told me that he was so confused and didn't know what to do. His ex told him that she still had feelings for him but pushed him away because she didn't want to get hurt again. He said this gave him mixed emotions because he's been wanting his family back for years. I was absolutely crushed. He told me that he fell in love with me the last year, but needed to figure out what was really best for him. I told him that while he was figuring things out, I could not be his friend because it would be too hard. I still had to see him at work, which also made it harder.

 

After telling him multiple times it was too hard being his friend, he went against my wishes and continued texting me for months (November-January). I am in love with him which is why I answered him every time, but he also knew how bad I was hurting but continued to send me texts like, he missed me, loved me, didn't want me to move on, he was lonely, and this was all while he was trying things out with his ex. So, naturally, this gave me so much hope. Then about 2 weeks passes by and I get a text from him that absolutely broke my heart, and to this day it's hard for me to go back to that moment. He told me that his ex was 3 months pregnant and he hopes I could be happy for him .... WHAT???!?! Why was he texting me all of those things if he knew she was pregnant, and how could he tell me over text like it was no big deal?

 

For about 3 months after I got that text, I spent almost the entire day crying, stuck in my room, in the dark, truly felt like I was never going to make it. This was the guy I thought I was going to marry and have kids with. I was the happiest I have ever been in my life when I was with him. After months of horrible grief, denial, depression, shock.. I finally was able to get back into a semi-normal routine. To this day, I am still no where near healed. Before this breakup, I was known for always being so positive and outgoing, but now I feel nowhere near my old self.

 

Somedays I still feel numb, as if the days just blend together and my life is passing me by. I am only 24, and know I should be having the best time of my life, but am still just devastated and broken inside. One horrible habit that I do is check his girlfriend's instagram. EVERYONE tells me how unhealthy it is to do that, and of course I know it is not good for me, but it is like an addiction. It hurts me so much especially because she is constantly posting pictures about how happy they both are, her pregnant, places they go together. I still can't accept their relationship (even though I know I have to), and I still don't understand how they could be so happy with how everything happened and how fast.

 

I am definitely in my depression and anger stage of my grieving. Seeing them happy actually makes me mad but I know there's nothing I can do about it. It is also frustrating that I am so obsessed with their relationship (which I will never admit to anyone else..just here, secretly), but as hard as I try not to care, it always creeps back to me during some part of the day. We also have a lot of mutual friends, and some of these friends have been here so much for me idk what I would do without them. The one downside is they tell me things.. after I beg. Last week he was venting to one of our friends saying that all of this was so unexpected and he never planned on getting back with his ex and he even had doubts it was his baby because they didn't sleep together when they first started talking again. I took this information and had THE BEST DAY EVER. I was so happy and so relieved that maybe everything I was seeing on social media about them being so happy and in love wasn't reality. That was until the next day, when I went on her instagram and posted a quote about how happy and in love she was, and so grateful for their second chance. That night I balled my eyes out. 1- because I let myself get so happy, and then sad, hearing certain things about their relationship, and 2- because I still don't understand how they could be so happy!! (so unhealthy, I know) :'(

 

Sorry this is so long... I am just so lost and terrified that I will never meet someone like my ex that I was so in love with (I know everyone says that after a breakup, but I totally feel that way and it is so scary). I also am upset that I care so much about my ex and his girlfriend together, and the fact that their baby is due next month doesn't make it any easier :'(

[RaidDolEm78]

(Recent breakup...two months today. ...relationship lasted seven years)...for me, each day has a different emotional "theme".....today was numb, it was a rough day. I cant seem to stop my mind from thinking. I put up a good front when I am around other people. Nothing about my own breakup makes any sense, and I cantsee past that. Thanks for making this thread...its relieving to read its not just me as some days like today I feel like I'm going crazy.

[youngnlove89]

Heartbreak sucks, don't it?

 

I wonder exactly where it stems from? Why do we go through these emotions?

[youngnlove89]

Besides the obvious difference, there was not much distinctions between losing a best friend and losing a lover: it was all about intimacy. One moment, you had someone to share your biggest triumphs and fatal flaws with, the next minute, you had to keep them bottled inside. One moment, you'd start to call him to tell him a snippet of news or to vent about your awful day before realizing you don't have the right anymore; the next, you could not remember the digits of his phone number.

[onearthur]

This weekend is another tough one for me!!! How did you cope? How are you coping? what methods of passing time have worked for you?

 

I was the dumper, I broke up with her almost 4 months ago. It was pretty mutual though; we both just hit a frustration point.

 

I still think about her every day, probably every hour and wonder "why" and "what if".

 

I am sure I bore those around me talking fondly about her still.

 

I had a couple of episodes where I broke down and cried uncontrollably. I fought it at first, then let it happen and it helped, a lot.

 

I tried to date; can't right now.

 

I have a lot of anxiety still I am dealing with. As I type this I feel myself grinding my teeth. I have had some mini panic attacks, nothing serious though.

 

Weekends are tough, real tough. I feel alone, I miss her. I wonder what she is doing.

 

I never knew being the one breaking up would be like this.

[youngnlove89]

This weekend is another tough one for me!!! How did you cope? How are you coping? what methods of passing time have worked for you?

 

Were you the dumper too?

[onearthur]

You summed that up so eloquently! Bravo.

 

So damn true, best friends & lovers to total strangers!

 

Sucks! They don't teach you that lesson in school...

 

Besides the obvious difference, there was not much distinctions between losing a best friend and losing a lover: it was all about intimacy. One moment, you had someone to share your biggest triumphs and fatal flaws with, the next minute, you had to keep them bottled inside. One moment, you'd start to call him to tell him a snippet of news or to vent about your awful day before realizing you don't have the right anymore; the next, you could not remember the digits of his phone number.

[onearthur]

Yep! Miss her like crazy. She cheated on me the year we were going to marry, we tried for months to "fix it", but eventually I had to end it as I just didn't trust her!

 

Were you the dumper too?

[youngnlove89]

Oh, I didn't write that. It was a quote I found. Just like this one:

 

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile and kiss their face gently before turning back around and somehow, an involuntary grin forms on your face. Just before you drift off to sleep, you feel an arm wrap around your waist and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.

 

I think I miss that the most :-(

[youngnlove89]

Yep! Miss her like crazy. She cheated on me the year we were going to marry, we tried for months to "fix it", but eventually I had to end it as I just didn't trust her!

 

Yea, it's very difficult to survive an affair. A lot of couples don't make it and that is what is so devastating to us because they messed it up, it was out of our control and now we have to pay for their wrong! It's not fair and it's frustrating.

 

You are strong to walk away when you know it won't work out with you two. A lot of people stay and settle with misery because they don't know there is something else better out there. They settle for a life with a partner they can't trust and a partner that betrayed them and most likely will betray again.

 

It's okay to miss that person, but it's better to remain strong and don't succumb to a relationship that doesn't make you happy anymore.

 

You are the better person. Keep your chin up. She is the one who lost, not you.

[onearthur]

That was soo beautiful, nearly (I'll admit it) brought a tear to my eye.

Thank you for sharing.

 

I'd hold her for hours, listening to her breathing peacefully before eventually falling asleep...

 

Oh, I didn't write that. It was a quote I found. Just like this one:

 

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile and kiss their face gently before turning back around and somehow, an involuntary grin forms on your face. Just before you drift off to sleep, you feel an arm wrap around your waist and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.

 

I think I miss that the most :-(

[Babolat]

I'm confused. Why did you break up? If you love someone, everything else should come easy, right?

 

I wish man, I wish. We had lifestyle differences we could not compromise on, nor could I relate to her lifestyle choices as much as I tried.

 

She states she is different now, slowing down, and is even apologizing and saying "I now understand how what I did made you feel and I was wrong".

[Babolat]

I have my ups and downs.

 

I've been feeling good lately. The times my heart aches the most is when i come to the realization that we are not meant to be. Our one year would have been in a few weeks and i think about how that feels like it was yesterday, never mind almost a full year, and i think about those feelings i felt for him when we first met. That is when i feel the most pain, because i think both of us wish it could have stayed like taht but it just didnt.

 

When i think about the last half of our relationship and how i really just was not feeling it, it helps me to cope and understand why it did not work.

 

Thanks, this is my story and you helped me

[Nicoleiia]

I just feel like a loser. I was left for someone "better" and that aspect really hurts me. I don't know if my ex tried to contact because I changed my phone number soon after our break up. But I feel better the more time that has passed, but I guess rejection hurts everyone.

[Babolat]

Interesting thread...we all go thru the 5 steps of grief from a breakup, whether you got dumped or were the dumper. As the dumper I never expected this. And it's interesting how we all have a common story, common feelings and emotions, and then one day it just kind of hits you...time to move forward.

 

I went thru a period where I had to be around people all the time..I was afraid to be alone...now I am alone more...spending time with friends when I want to and trying to get more comfortable with being by myself.