travelonic Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) Say you had a GF who had a ... erm ... bad breakup with her ex for whatever reason [and she happened to be the dumper - and dumped for reasons that had to do with her and not the dumpee]. Say your current saw something online that she, and her ex, made - whether it be a piece of art, graphic, a Youtube video, or whatever, and left a comment on it saying that she was thinking about the something online and the ex, thinks about him, does miss him, and wants to finish the something, and the tension between the current and her EX... few Qs: - Would you want to know? I mean, even if the current is not implying she'd want to do anything with the ex that'd threaten the relationship, the fact that she is reaching out, communicating to an ex like this, saying these things seems troubling on many levels - especially if she doesn't tell her current. I mean, it'd be the kind of thing I'd want to. - Should the guy know? Should he find out, or hear about it, what should his course of action be? [pure hypothetical - not happening to me, been giving myself space dating [and finishing up my studies in college] before going out and trying to date again after the debacle with my current ex last fall.] Edited July 22, 2013 by travelonic
Philosoraptor Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Yes, that sets off all sorts of alarms. This guy should be told about it so he can make a fully informed decision for his own future. For all you know he already knows and they've talked about it and it's a non-issue. But if he doesn't it could mean he is going to blindsided when she drops him off for her ex. 1
chrisftw Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Yes, that sets off all sorts of alarms. This guy should be told about it so he can make a fully informed decision for his own future. For all you know he already knows and they've talked about it and it's a non-issue. But if he doesn't it could mean he is going to blindsided when she drops him off for her ex. just because somebody reaches out to somebody in 'that' fashion doesn't mean they will do anything. yes it's a red flag. it's painfully obvious there's a stir of emotions in a person who all the sudden does reach out like 'that' but to speak on my own experience. a girl who's had a boyfriend for 2 years admitted finally after weeks of heavy talk, gratuitous flirtation and texting me at all times of the night. that she had feelings for me. and the way she said it was that she had to leave me on the night she admitted to likeing me otherwise she would have made some bad decisions. LITERALLY 2 days later. she's engaged. so there you have it. yes its a red flag. but it doesn't mean she'll split. at least not yet, maybe not ever. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 I think it would need to be addressed hopefully with honesty, I dont think it should be ignored or avoided......deb 1
Author travelonic Posted July 22, 2013 Author Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) just because somebody reaches out to somebody in 'that' fashion doesn't mean they will do anything. Glad the original question is understood pas I tend to discombobulate my thoughts sometimes... heh... To add to the original question: What if the guy's current in this went behind the ex's back and tried flirting w/ the guy before - and got herself starting an emotional affair that caused her and her ex to break up [with her doing the breaking up]? What would those circumstances being true do for the amount of a 'red flag' something this would signify, if anything? [still talking hypothetical - curious about random stuff haven't you noticed ] Edited July 22, 2013 by travelonic
Author travelonic Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 [i really hate the editing restrictions for posts >_<] I dunno, it just feels like in such a situation the aforementioned factor [in my first reply to this thread] - the behind-the-partner's back flirting with the now-current and starting an emotional affair [causing her to break up with the now-ex] combined with being very reluctant to upset people and thus becoming versed in hiding information, or being reluctant to share stuff bothering with her due to being afraid of confrontations and arguments - would, for me, ring an even bigger bell than her just making this kind of message with those kinds of things said, but that's not me. Granted, the bells would not be closer to "she's gonna do something" but closer to "something is really, really wrong" in general.
chrisftw Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 (edited) [i really hate the editing restrictions for posts >_<] I dunno, it just feels like in such a situation the aforementioned factor [in my first reply to this thread] - the behind-the-partner's back flirting with the now-current and starting an emotional affair [causing her to break up with the now-ex] combined with being very reluctant to upset people and thus becoming versed in hiding information, or being reluctant to share stuff bothering with her due to being afraid of confrontations and arguments - would, for me, ring an even bigger bell than her just making this kind of message with those kinds of things said, but that's not me. Granted, the bells would not be closer to "she's gonna do something" but closer to "something is really, really wrong" in general. if the woman/man is flirting with an unknown behind the current bf/gf back than that's a red flag. again it doesn't necessarily mean that they will do anything with THAT person however the real problem isn't even the other unknown guy/girl its the fact that its happening. there are other emotions at play. they could be playing the field really just sourcing information on if keeping the relationship is even worth it in the long run. they could be getting bored. they could be falling out of love. it happens people grow apart. there's many factors it doesn't have to be grounded in the guy/girl wanting to bang the one they're flirting with. that's just a symptom of the greater problem. that girl who i spoke of got engaged 2 days after telling me she had feelings. now.. did she have feelings? sure. but that's before this new development happened on her engagement. now she's ditched me respectively because there's something new again in her life AND with her current b/f of 2 years. however once that new feeling wears off. and all the sudden its a real prospect of being locked down. that red flag will come back and maybe even with a vengeance. because she never really addressed why exactly she was coming on to me so strong in the first place. in her mind right now though she may just think.. i had a crush and now its gone. but i was only a symptom of a greater problem. do you understand? Edited July 25, 2013 by chrisftw
Author travelonic Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) I get it. Lots of variables involved in all this.... heh.... and I thought being a comp. sci major programming was a headache, trying to figure this stuff out is one hell of an additional headache. heheh. Edited July 28, 2013 by travelonic
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